alizee
Arcanist
- Jul 22, 2018
- 452
I'm in an awful situation and like I assume is true for all of you browsing this website. Sorry for the long thread and I really appreciate anyone that takes the time to read the following.
My case for certain doesn't get better. I was led on by people to believe trying everything is what a person should do. I did just that and the universe is just Hell for some people is what I've learned and I wish this world would rot to nothingness. I would destroy this universe if I had the power and rebuild it anew. So many despicable people are rewarded and while everyone lives under an illusion of assuming they even have free will to justify whatever.
Anyway, the past few years I've been trying to get Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) and by meetings multiple doctors where I live in Quebec. I tried multiple hospitals, clinics and triages. It's been a very frustrating process because I've been invalidated multiple times, treated with disrespect and even assaulted & confined for a few hours. I learned only people suffering cancer requesting MAID are taken seriously with their human rights being honoured. Society only cares about the majority (what's relatable to them) and we can see this with how Covid-19 is treated from country to country because it's a majority effecting thing.
Well, after the multiple years of attempts at obtaining MAID and with nonsensical persons doing whatever to prevent me. I'm now closer than ever to receiving MAID because I've managed to obtain an official MAID form of the Quebec Government and it forces a doctor to that does MAID evaluations to be assigned to me; then do an honest evaluation for the criteria I meet for Medical Assistance in Dying.
Yes, until recently I've been just trying to find a doctor willing to do an evaluation for MAID and no doctor I've seen has been willing to do such a simple request. I could write about how all the medical professionals I've seen are miscreants but it isn't necessary. I'm sure you all can assume for yourself a lot of actions I've experienced have been fitting the definition of criminal. Especially if you've ever had experience with doctors while being labeled just a person suffering a mental illness. Nothing reported against doctors while in our situation matters because people don't care and they don't value our lives like other persons. I assume people think having a doctor continue keeping his/her license outweighs the fuck ups that were done to people labeled mentally ill. Doctors aren't even great people. They're just like everyone else that goes into a profession they place highest in what they want to do in life and will make their quality of life be better than the rest of careers.
In any case, this MAID form I've obtained will get me in front of a doctor that will do an evaluation. I can then take that evaluation to the Superior Court for authorization to go ahead with receiving Medical Assistance in Dying for the intolerable pain I suffer. I just have a psychological illness named Gender Dysphoria. I'm close to being 30 years old and nothing gets better while being on Hormone-Replacement-Therapy for 5+ years. Majority of transgender people that do live a good life, got to start young, and or could afford expensive surgeries in their early 20s because of a better timeline/where they live or having supportive parents. There is really no point past your 20s to start life while crippled compared to your peers. There are some non-passing freaks that disagree while being vocal about it but they might as well be trolls that exist to invalidate others living a unique life different than their own.
Now for my reasons for creating this long post. I'm wondering if I should even continue trying to obtain MAID. My will has slowly shifting to be alright with the idea of just experiencing a death by hanging. I have a climbing rope that will definitely hold my weight and I can easily anchor it with then proceeding to jump out of my apartment window without hesitation. I don't care if some people will be sad. I still treat people I encounter like my co-workers with respect and how I would treat people if I enjoyed life. I just don't care anymore about what people would think and a few people that know about my situation. Have told me they wouldn't think anything negative about my future suicide.
There is just a lot of grief to think the past few years with all my energy of trying to receive the right to MAID like any other person suffering intolerable pain would have been for nothing. I find what people are doing by forcing people to live in pain as despicable because life is unique person to person. We don't all find anything about life to be special. People that force their beliefs on others deserve a worse fate than most of us wanting to die lived. I lastly think I'm unsure if I can continue working from home and for the few months to see what the Superior Court decides after I get the MAID evaluation before a Judge. It's so shitty to see all these people with way better lives complaining they have to be stuck inside and when living in isolation has been the norm for me because of being a non-passing transgender woman. Multiple times I've been assaulted and it's just not safe even in accepting cities.
Anyway I would appreciate thoughts, personal opinions and what would you do? I'm aware of DIGNITAS is another option of obtaining MAID. But I don't have the 20k+ saved for it and I would like to die in Canada where i was born but didn't get to spend the majority of my life growing up. I think MAID gives a person dignity and safety when it comes to death. I'm just not really convinced anymore that hanging is really an issue for me.
My case for certain doesn't get better. I was led on by people to believe trying everything is what a person should do. I did just that and the universe is just Hell for some people is what I've learned and I wish this world would rot to nothingness. I would destroy this universe if I had the power and rebuild it anew. So many despicable people are rewarded and while everyone lives under an illusion of assuming they even have free will to justify whatever.
Anyway, the past few years I've been trying to get Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) and by meetings multiple doctors where I live in Quebec. I tried multiple hospitals, clinics and triages. It's been a very frustrating process because I've been invalidated multiple times, treated with disrespect and even assaulted & confined for a few hours. I learned only people suffering cancer requesting MAID are taken seriously with their human rights being honoured. Society only cares about the majority (what's relatable to them) and we can see this with how Covid-19 is treated from country to country because it's a majority effecting thing.
Well, after the multiple years of attempts at obtaining MAID and with nonsensical persons doing whatever to prevent me. I'm now closer than ever to receiving MAID because I've managed to obtain an official MAID form of the Quebec Government and it forces a doctor to that does MAID evaluations to be assigned to me; then do an honest evaluation for the criteria I meet for Medical Assistance in Dying.
Yes, until recently I've been just trying to find a doctor willing to do an evaluation for MAID and no doctor I've seen has been willing to do such a simple request. I could write about how all the medical professionals I've seen are miscreants but it isn't necessary. I'm sure you all can assume for yourself a lot of actions I've experienced have been fitting the definition of criminal. Especially if you've ever had experience with doctors while being labeled just a person suffering a mental illness. Nothing reported against doctors while in our situation matters because people don't care and they don't value our lives like other persons. I assume people think having a doctor continue keeping his/her license outweighs the fuck ups that were done to people labeled mentally ill. Doctors aren't even great people. They're just like everyone else that goes into a profession they place highest in what they want to do in life and will make their quality of life be better than the rest of careers.
In any case, this MAID form I've obtained will get me in front of a doctor that will do an evaluation. I can then take that evaluation to the Superior Court for authorization to go ahead with receiving Medical Assistance in Dying for the intolerable pain I suffer. I just have a psychological illness named Gender Dysphoria. I'm close to being 30 years old and nothing gets better while being on Hormone-Replacement-Therapy for 5+ years. Majority of transgender people that do live a good life, got to start young, and or could afford expensive surgeries in their early 20s because of a better timeline/where they live or having supportive parents. There is really no point past your 20s to start life while crippled compared to your peers. There are some non-passing freaks that disagree while being vocal about it but they might as well be trolls that exist to invalidate others living a unique life different than their own.
Now for my reasons for creating this long post. I'm wondering if I should even continue trying to obtain MAID. My will has slowly shifting to be alright with the idea of just experiencing a death by hanging. I have a climbing rope that will definitely hold my weight and I can easily anchor it with then proceeding to jump out of my apartment window without hesitation. I don't care if some people will be sad. I still treat people I encounter like my co-workers with respect and how I would treat people if I enjoyed life. I just don't care anymore about what people would think and a few people that know about my situation. Have told me they wouldn't think anything negative about my future suicide.
There is just a lot of grief to think the past few years with all my energy of trying to receive the right to MAID like any other person suffering intolerable pain would have been for nothing. I find what people are doing by forcing people to live in pain as despicable because life is unique person to person. We don't all find anything about life to be special. People that force their beliefs on others deserve a worse fate than most of us wanting to die lived. I lastly think I'm unsure if I can continue working from home and for the few months to see what the Superior Court decides after I get the MAID evaluation before a Judge. It's so shitty to see all these people with way better lives complaining they have to be stuck inside and when living in isolation has been the norm for me because of being a non-passing transgender woman. Multiple times I've been assaulted and it's just not safe even in accepting cities.
Anyway I would appreciate thoughts, personal opinions and what would you do? I'm aware of DIGNITAS is another option of obtaining MAID. But I don't have the 20k+ saved for it and I would like to die in Canada where i was born but didn't get to spend the majority of my life growing up. I think MAID gives a person dignity and safety when it comes to death. I'm just not really convinced anymore that hanging is really an issue for me.
