SolomonKado
This is taking too long…
- Jul 4, 2023
- 424
When I was 6 my dad came into my room in the middle of the night and asked if I wanted to go with him or stay with mom. The next day I woke up and he was gone leaving me with a mental issue of not being good enough for anyone. Spent a good portion of my life thinking that him dying a couple weeks later from electrocution was my fault some how.
I remember when my sister and I were growing up we would dig in a grocery store trash because they'd throw away food that had an expiration date, but was still good. Also while living in this small town my moms best friend had a couple of kids and we would ditch school and hitchhike at around 9-10 years old. With these kids I got into stealing, ditching school, vandalism, etc. I didn't know any better because after my dad died my mom stopped being a parent to me. After a couple years with these kids we ended up moving into her best friends house because my mom lost our house somehow.
At about 11 while we were living with my grandparents my mom was taken to jail for possible illegal drugs and my sisters and I were separated and sent to different places. I was first living at this teachers house during the summer until it was the school year and he sent me away. Luckily I was sent to where my sister was and around Christmas I had an arguement with their adopted son and I was sent away. The next place the lady who was the foster mom loved terrorizing this kid. Holding him down, spitting in his mouth, and making him swallow it. Finally after 3 years they were able to prove that what my mom was taking was not illegal. Just some over the counter ephedrine.
When I was 17 my lawyer was able to turn a felony into a lower crime by promising the judge I'd go to the military. I had to do a couple grades in high school over because I couldn't focus very well and graduated when I was 20. I was hard headed and no matter if things were bad I wouldn't give up. Always telling myself "it will get better." Also that year my mother died in a rollover car accident. I was actually happy for her because her suffering was finally over. She was also the one who kicked me out when I was 17 because I was too rebellious when I was younger for her and she never thought I would get better. Luckily my friend and his parents let me live their until I finished high school…
Well at 20 during the summer I went to the military. By the winter I had been seeing a doctor because 20 other people and myself caught Hep C from donating blood. Suing was the farthest from my mind because I was devastated having a disease.
About Spring of the next year they started me on a treatment where I was taking 6 pills a day and injecting myself once every weekend for a year. I was sick all the time and so weak. When I was in remission I met this girl who I was so infatuated with having a family that I married her instead of paying attention to some serious signs that she wasn't the marriage type. I just wanted a place to call home…
I was finally sent to a submarine for my work area. I actually liked being out to sea and on a submarine because I was trained for every single bad thing that could happen. I was also trained as a professional firefighter. Lastly since I was a cook I was also trained as a medical tech because we only had one medic for 150 people. Within that time I had also been through a couple life threatening situations that fucked me up. Being woken up to die was hard to deal with. There's no saving you when a submarine explodes. Just drowning for all of us.
The following year my wife told me she was pregnant. After that, I was out to sea for most of the year on the submarine and I was getting stir crazy because I didn't want to miss the birth of my kid. Luckily I made it back and after my kid was born I went to the closest newspaper stand to get the current newspaper so when she grows up she could see what happened on that day.
About 3-4 months later we took our daughter into the ER because she wouldn't stop crying. They gave her some X-rays and found out she had previously broken ribs and a spiral fracture to her femur. That night social services showed up and we lost custody for about 4 years or so.
During the whole time they kept looking at me because "It's always the dad" no matter if I was able to pass every test to prove to them it wasn't me. Even whatever proof I gave them they didn't care. They wouldn't even care to look at the other people involved. The social worker just wanted an easy case and I wasn't about to let her lie and say I was it. It was depressing that no matter what I did I wasn't going to get ahead.
During this time the lawyer said to my wife we needed to divorce…. She didn't like being with a guy always out to sea all the time and no matter how good I was to her she would fight with me. I also shut down living with her because of everything with our daughter and how she was. The Social Worker still limited my time with my daughter and they let my ex wife get overnights and more time. Even the foster parents would say I wasn't spending quality time with my child because I would lay my baby on my chest and we would nap together on a large hammock for about 30 minutes. Then I'd play with her for 30 minutes with her toys and then I had to leave.
Before I got her back I got out of the military after 8 years. My last couple months I seen every doctor they had. Found out that the treatment for the Hep C caused me some brain damage and neuropathy in my arms and legs. Fuck it was painful. I was also diagnosed with a bulged disc because I had one too many bones in my spine. Crushing down on my spine. Also a lot of ptsd, anxiety, and depression.
I was able to get a job with my older sisters husband at the prison after the military. It took me 6 months to get hired and before I did my older sister said I needed to get a job or leave. I had a lot of money saved just in case it took me awhile. I was even paying rent and dealing with my daughters case and she said I wasn't spending time with her family. I was depressed because I didn't have mine. I didn't want to be around kids. It broke my heart that my sister was so insensitive. She was also the one who sent me nasty messages telling me to stay away from her kids because she thought I was keeping my daughter from her. Actually my daughter didn't like being around her because of her personality and I wasn't going to force her. When I finally got the job at the prison I did really good and was offered the next rank immediately, but I wanted to be in my current one so I could acclimate to working in a prison. About 1 year later, when I was ready I tried to rank up and sign up for special teams. I was denied all of it and they game it all to a guy who was living with and drinking with a supervisor for the last couple months who had lots of sway with who gets the good treatment. I chalked it up to "nothing personal". Until they did it again with someone else. Still keeping me under their thumb.
This supervisor was the most unprofessional and told inmate's the guards personal information, but he was untouchable. A lot of the supervisors there were. I even asked him why he didn't give positive evaluations and he actually said "I don't get them so why would I give them out." For 14 years it was a mindfuck.
The supervisors would hide things and cover things up like staff causing attacks on other staff by the inmates or even how a sergeant was told by management not to write up a supervisor for attacking an inmate all chained up for "Personal Reasons." I tried so hard to deal with supervisors telling staff basically they weren't good enough no matter how hard they worked and they required more work out of them. By my 14th year I was injured because of a supervisor had shortened our work area on purpose. We had a guy in hand cuffs and he was thrown to the ground by the other staff. I landed hard on my knee. It got me out of work for the next month because it was a bad injury.
Being out of work injured I was told over and over that the doctor was not giving me time off from work no matter how swollen my knee was. So I just took the time off. The company that was taking care of my injury didn't want me to stay home because that would mean they have to pay me for that time off. After that month I tried going back to work and immediately started having serious panic attacks at work. I no longer felt safe there if even supervisors were getting people hurt. I was out a couple months on a hold by my doctor and he wouldn't release me to go back to work…. I was fired. After a month I got a letter from the company taking care of my injury. They were suing me for fraud. Saying the doctor wasn't giving me time off. I have no job to
Be fucking sued.
Luckily I had about 3-4 months of savings so I just tried to get better. Now I can't leave my house because of PTSD and panic attacks and I've lost all hope and the will to even function. I've finally snapped and this all isn't the whole story. I gave that to my sister if "Anything" was to happen to me..
All I ever seen is people treating others badly no matter how good you were to them. Now I've got it in my head that there are no good people out there. I now have one month left of money in savings and then I'll lose my house, truck, and three beautiful dogs because I'll have no money to take care of them. My doctor still hasn't released me because I'm not getting any better. So I can't get another job. My sister wants me to live with her. She tried to help me a month ago and had to give up because it was too hard.
Now I just want to end it peacefully and my options are limited. I'm so scared of failing that I'm trying to choose whatever method I can get my hands on that will give me a higher success chance.
It's my choice to do whatever I want with my life because I had no choice when the world said fuck you.
Pro Lifers may have had some hard times in their life, but not even close to the ones who want to CTB. We only choose that because the fucking universe is saying we don't belong here. Also "Pro-Lifers" tend to be more rude than the Pro-Choice people making it even harder to choose their side.
I am just tired of suffering in this life and it's going to give me a big middle finger at the end of this next month like it always has. Don't feel sorry for me. Just help.
I remember when my sister and I were growing up we would dig in a grocery store trash because they'd throw away food that had an expiration date, but was still good. Also while living in this small town my moms best friend had a couple of kids and we would ditch school and hitchhike at around 9-10 years old. With these kids I got into stealing, ditching school, vandalism, etc. I didn't know any better because after my dad died my mom stopped being a parent to me. After a couple years with these kids we ended up moving into her best friends house because my mom lost our house somehow.
At about 11 while we were living with my grandparents my mom was taken to jail for possible illegal drugs and my sisters and I were separated and sent to different places. I was first living at this teachers house during the summer until it was the school year and he sent me away. Luckily I was sent to where my sister was and around Christmas I had an arguement with their adopted son and I was sent away. The next place the lady who was the foster mom loved terrorizing this kid. Holding him down, spitting in his mouth, and making him swallow it. Finally after 3 years they were able to prove that what my mom was taking was not illegal. Just some over the counter ephedrine.
When I was 17 my lawyer was able to turn a felony into a lower crime by promising the judge I'd go to the military. I had to do a couple grades in high school over because I couldn't focus very well and graduated when I was 20. I was hard headed and no matter if things were bad I wouldn't give up. Always telling myself "it will get better." Also that year my mother died in a rollover car accident. I was actually happy for her because her suffering was finally over. She was also the one who kicked me out when I was 17 because I was too rebellious when I was younger for her and she never thought I would get better. Luckily my friend and his parents let me live their until I finished high school…
Well at 20 during the summer I went to the military. By the winter I had been seeing a doctor because 20 other people and myself caught Hep C from donating blood. Suing was the farthest from my mind because I was devastated having a disease.
About Spring of the next year they started me on a treatment where I was taking 6 pills a day and injecting myself once every weekend for a year. I was sick all the time and so weak. When I was in remission I met this girl who I was so infatuated with having a family that I married her instead of paying attention to some serious signs that she wasn't the marriage type. I just wanted a place to call home…
I was finally sent to a submarine for my work area. I actually liked being out to sea and on a submarine because I was trained for every single bad thing that could happen. I was also trained as a professional firefighter. Lastly since I was a cook I was also trained as a medical tech because we only had one medic for 150 people. Within that time I had also been through a couple life threatening situations that fucked me up. Being woken up to die was hard to deal with. There's no saving you when a submarine explodes. Just drowning for all of us.
The following year my wife told me she was pregnant. After that, I was out to sea for most of the year on the submarine and I was getting stir crazy because I didn't want to miss the birth of my kid. Luckily I made it back and after my kid was born I went to the closest newspaper stand to get the current newspaper so when she grows up she could see what happened on that day.
About 3-4 months later we took our daughter into the ER because she wouldn't stop crying. They gave her some X-rays and found out she had previously broken ribs and a spiral fracture to her femur. That night social services showed up and we lost custody for about 4 years or so.
During the whole time they kept looking at me because "It's always the dad" no matter if I was able to pass every test to prove to them it wasn't me. Even whatever proof I gave them they didn't care. They wouldn't even care to look at the other people involved. The social worker just wanted an easy case and I wasn't about to let her lie and say I was it. It was depressing that no matter what I did I wasn't going to get ahead.
During this time the lawyer said to my wife we needed to divorce…. She didn't like being with a guy always out to sea all the time and no matter how good I was to her she would fight with me. I also shut down living with her because of everything with our daughter and how she was. The Social Worker still limited my time with my daughter and they let my ex wife get overnights and more time. Even the foster parents would say I wasn't spending quality time with my child because I would lay my baby on my chest and we would nap together on a large hammock for about 30 minutes. Then I'd play with her for 30 minutes with her toys and then I had to leave.
Before I got her back I got out of the military after 8 years. My last couple months I seen every doctor they had. Found out that the treatment for the Hep C caused me some brain damage and neuropathy in my arms and legs. Fuck it was painful. I was also diagnosed with a bulged disc because I had one too many bones in my spine. Crushing down on my spine. Also a lot of ptsd, anxiety, and depression.
I was able to get a job with my older sisters husband at the prison after the military. It took me 6 months to get hired and before I did my older sister said I needed to get a job or leave. I had a lot of money saved just in case it took me awhile. I was even paying rent and dealing with my daughters case and she said I wasn't spending time with her family. I was depressed because I didn't have mine. I didn't want to be around kids. It broke my heart that my sister was so insensitive. She was also the one who sent me nasty messages telling me to stay away from her kids because she thought I was keeping my daughter from her. Actually my daughter didn't like being around her because of her personality and I wasn't going to force her. When I finally got the job at the prison I did really good and was offered the next rank immediately, but I wanted to be in my current one so I could acclimate to working in a prison. About 1 year later, when I was ready I tried to rank up and sign up for special teams. I was denied all of it and they game it all to a guy who was living with and drinking with a supervisor for the last couple months who had lots of sway with who gets the good treatment. I chalked it up to "nothing personal". Until they did it again with someone else. Still keeping me under their thumb.
This supervisor was the most unprofessional and told inmate's the guards personal information, but he was untouchable. A lot of the supervisors there were. I even asked him why he didn't give positive evaluations and he actually said "I don't get them so why would I give them out." For 14 years it was a mindfuck.
The supervisors would hide things and cover things up like staff causing attacks on other staff by the inmates or even how a sergeant was told by management not to write up a supervisor for attacking an inmate all chained up for "Personal Reasons." I tried so hard to deal with supervisors telling staff basically they weren't good enough no matter how hard they worked and they required more work out of them. By my 14th year I was injured because of a supervisor had shortened our work area on purpose. We had a guy in hand cuffs and he was thrown to the ground by the other staff. I landed hard on my knee. It got me out of work for the next month because it was a bad injury.
Being out of work injured I was told over and over that the doctor was not giving me time off from work no matter how swollen my knee was. So I just took the time off. The company that was taking care of my injury didn't want me to stay home because that would mean they have to pay me for that time off. After that month I tried going back to work and immediately started having serious panic attacks at work. I no longer felt safe there if even supervisors were getting people hurt. I was out a couple months on a hold by my doctor and he wouldn't release me to go back to work…. I was fired. After a month I got a letter from the company taking care of my injury. They were suing me for fraud. Saying the doctor wasn't giving me time off. I have no job to
Be fucking sued.
Luckily I had about 3-4 months of savings so I just tried to get better. Now I can't leave my house because of PTSD and panic attacks and I've lost all hope and the will to even function. I've finally snapped and this all isn't the whole story. I gave that to my sister if "Anything" was to happen to me..
All I ever seen is people treating others badly no matter how good you were to them. Now I've got it in my head that there are no good people out there. I now have one month left of money in savings and then I'll lose my house, truck, and three beautiful dogs because I'll have no money to take care of them. My doctor still hasn't released me because I'm not getting any better. So I can't get another job. My sister wants me to live with her. She tried to help me a month ago and had to give up because it was too hard.
Now I just want to end it peacefully and my options are limited. I'm so scared of failing that I'm trying to choose whatever method I can get my hands on that will give me a higher success chance.
It's my choice to do whatever I want with my life because I had no choice when the world said fuck you.
Pro Lifers may have had some hard times in their life, but not even close to the ones who want to CTB. We only choose that because the fucking universe is saying we don't belong here. Also "Pro-Lifers" tend to be more rude than the Pro-Choice people making it even harder to choose their side.
I am just tired of suffering in this life and it's going to give me a big middle finger at the end of this next month like it always has. Don't feel sorry for me. Just help.
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