Me or the world?

[sunshiningbackwards]

In much of my deliberation regarding suicide, there is often a conflict that arises when attempting to pinpoint what exactly has driven me so far up a wall that I might be possessed to take my own life. Is it me, in my unaccomplished shortcomings in life? Is it my diagnoses of depression, adhd, anxiety, OCD? Is it that my boyish charm and good looks are all fading and I'm just doomed to watch friendship after friendship after relationship after relationship slowly fade to black until I sit at my desk with a gun in my mouth or lay down and slit my wrists in the tub or something? What is truly the root cause of my suffering?

I think the Buddhists might say that my desires are causing my suffering, which is why existence is pain. But what happens when the script flips and all I desire is to escape existence? I think they nailed down the "existence = pain" part and I would have to add that by the day, it's become exponentially more obvious that the world has become a fucking disgusting cesspit that I no longer want to wade through and drink from. Technology has corrupted us all in the way we think, the way we see ourselves and others, the way we interact and the ideas we come up with. I feel humanity slipping away into the electronic abyss like a ray of light being sucked into a black hole at its event horizon. We're past the point of no return and I wish I knew how fucking good things were when they were. But they aren't anymore.

 

[King Mutt Not Tut]

In much of my deliberation regarding suicide, there is often a conflict that arises when attempting to pinpoint what exactly has driven me so far up a wall that I might be possessed to take my own life. Is it me, in my unaccomplished shortcomings in life? Is it my diagnoses of depression, adhd, anxiety, OCD? Is it that my boyish charm and good looks are all fading and I'm just doomed to watch friendship after friendship after relationship after relationship slowly fade to black until I sit at my desk with a gun in my mouth or lay down and slit my wrists in the tub or something? What is truly the root cause of my suffering?

I think the Buddhists might say that my desires are causing my suffering, which is why existence is pain. But what happens when the script flips and all I desire is to escape existence? I think they nailed down the "existence = pain" part and I would have to add that by the day, it's become exponentially more obvious that the world has become a fucking disgusting cesspit that I no longer want to wade through and drink from. Technology has corrupted us all in the way we think, the way we see ourselves and others, the way we interact and the ideas we come up with. I feel humanity slipping away into the electronic abyss like a ray of light being sucked into a black hole at its event horizon. We're past the point of no return and I wish I knew how fucking good things were when they were. But they aren't anymore.

you obvi the world is controlled by """them""""" so fuck it

 

[R_N]

I think the Buddhists might say that my desires are causing my suffering, which is why existence is pain. But what happens when the script flips and all I desire is to escape existence? I think they nailed down the "existence = pain".

I'm not well versed in Buddhism but I think life = suffering is misconception in a way, especially when you read some of the Buddha sayings. According to Buddha when your mind is preoccupied with unskilled or evil thoughts you will suffer, and evil expands more than in other religions. You also suffer when you can't let go of things and lack restraint, focus on sensations completely. Then, there is also karma (which shouldn't be seen as justice but rather rule of existence) that transfers/affects your rebirths and it's like a seed that ripens eventually. To stop rebirths you need to reach nirvana where meditation plays a big part. Through meditation you gain insight which diminishes desire proportionally to how much you gain. There is a curious case of that one monk who was set on fire in sixties and didn't react at all, but if enlightenment is real I imagine it is only meant for a few each generation.

I think Dhammapada is a popular read when it comes to Buddha sayings, I like this translation the best. Dhammapada