maybe this is already dicussed but i cannot think clearly

[SweetMemories]

how do you endure panic attacks and constant suicidal thoughts all the time. every day i am waking up my body is like i would burn. i have tinnitus and hyperacusis. please, if anyone endure this also, i need help. i can't focus on anything and cant even think clearly.

my landlord wants also to throw me out and he is really pushing. i cant even get the energy for showering most of the day.

 

[jeevasO-o]

I can't tell you for sure how you can fix it all, but I can try giving advice.

About anxiety and panic attacks:
I also have frequent panic attacks and I endure it with medication for anxiety and distracting myself. I don't know if the distraction is always healthy but yeah...xP

If you can, you could maybe try going to a doctor explaining your anxiety etc. They can give medication that helps. Doesn't works for everyone, but can help a lot of the time! I'd recommend that. My meds help me a lot.
I also recommend writing down stuff that's bothering you. I struggled doing that a lot because it felt stupid and useless and hard to do. I promise you get used to it. It doesn't has to be anything good or grammatical correct. Can be something like just "Fuck this day because I had a nightmare". Some people said they also like doing that and then tearing the paper up, I didn't try that though.

Thread 'What Are Your Go-To Techniques For A Panic Attack'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-are-your-go-to-techniques-for-a-panic-attack.226626/

I know these can sound silly and useless, but it can help a little bit atleast! Maybe it will even help a lot if you use it frequently.
Although I'm somewhat hypocritical saying this as I myself usually don't use these methods a lot, because I feel like it's useless or I don't think about it. I'm guilty of failing it myself but sometimes it does work!!

- Also know panic attacks won't immediately stop and calm you down. The goal isn't to calm down comeplety. When you have a panic attack you get adrenaline and you cannot stop adrenaline immediately. If you were in a dangerous situation and get adrenaline, you will NOT be able to stop the adrenaline because your body knows you are in danger. During panic attacks you might not be in danger but your body is THINKING that. That's why you get the flight-fight-freeze response! Your body basically gives you adrenaline, actives the fight flight response, but then the physical sensations (like a fast heart rate or dizziness) can feel scary. When those sensations are interpreted as a threat, it creates more and more fear and keeps the panic going. Panic attack are usually your body thinking you are in danger when you aren't.

- Understand that might help you understand the panic attacks more too!
TLDR; Anxiety causes fast heartbeat, dizziness, nausea, tinnitus etc.. Your body interprets these sensations as danger, which increases panic and can trigger a fullblown panic attack. If you keep trying to force yourself to calm down and it doesn't work, your body can interpret that as a sign that something is really wrong, which can make the panic worse
-
About the suicide thoughts:
Again, I myself struggle with this frequently. The ones marked as green, can be unhealthy or triggering for some. What helped me are;
1) Thinking about Death and afterwards. It's scaring me but also calming me. It makes me think I wanna be more prepared.
2) I think about small things I wanna do. (Night walks, animes I like, future events I want to experience, drawing, finding a soulmate..) they are very small and wouldn't make me say "ok I'll keep suffering and not attempt for just that!", But it does help somehow.
3) Hearing other people talk about their suicide experiences. I don't know why but that does help me kind of. People who survived, people who still struggle, people who overcame it, people who did die from it..., It can be triggering for some but it helps me personally
4) Writing down and ranting about my thoughts etc.
5) Suprisingly... going outside at night. I HATE going outside (except nights sometimes) it's silent and calm. Just me and the wind / air in the darkness.
6) Distraction. That's kinda obvious I suppose but yeah. I might have bad thoughts and then play with slime or do some puzzle. It helps slowly
7) Thinking more deeply about my I have the suicidal thoughts and then in pieces think more about "why". Basically CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) (Example: -> feeling suicidial because I have complications with friends -> why do I have these complications? -> XYZ -> How can I fix XYZ or do better?
Note: Not all coping mechanism work for everyone. Some good working ones can still not work for some. Also some might work some times and not work other times. Don't feel guilty if noone work yet<3
-
I hope this helps!!

 

[mixxa]

I can't tell you for sure how you can fix it all, but I can try giving advice.

About anxiety and panic attacks:
I also have frequent panic attacks and I endure it with medication for anxiety and distracting myself. I don't know if the distraction is always healthy but yeah...xP

If you can, you could maybe try going to a doctor explaining your anxiety etc. They can give medication that helps. Doesn't works for everyone, but can help a lot of the time! I'd recommend that. My meds help me a lot.
I also recommend writing down stuff that's bothering you. I struggled doing that a lot because it felt stupid and useless and hard to do. I promise you get used to it. It doesn't has to be anything good or grammatical correct. Can be something like just "Fuck this day because I had a nightmare". Some people said they also like doing that and then tearing the paper up, I didn't try that though.

Thread 'What Are Your Go-To Techniques For A Panic Attack'
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-are-your-go-to-techniques-for-a-panic-attack.226626/

I know these can sound silly and useless, but it can help a little bit atleast! Maybe it will even help a lot if you use it frequently.
Although I'm somewhat hypocritical saying this as I myself usually don't use these methods a lot, because I feel like it's useless or I don't think about it. I'm guilty of failing it myself but sometimes it does work!!

- Also know panic attacks won't immediately stop and calm you down. The goal isn't to calm down comeplety. When you have a panic attack you get adrenaline and you cannot stop adrenaline immediately. If you were in a dangerous situation and get adrenaline, you will NOT be able to stop the adrenaline because your body knows you are in danger. During panic attacks you might not be in danger but your body is THINKING that. That's why you get the flight-fight-freeze response! Your body basically gives you adrenaline, actives the fight flight response, but then the physical sensations (like a fast heart rate or dizziness) can feel scary. When those sensations are interpreted as a threat, it creates more and more fear and keeps the panic going. Panic attack are usually your body thinking you are in danger when you aren't.

- Understand that might help you understand the panic attacks more too!
TLDR; Anxiety causes fast heartbeat, dizziness, nausea, tinnitus etc.. Your body interprets these sensations as danger, which increases panic and can trigger a fullblown panic attack. If you keep trying to force yourself to calm down and it doesn't work, your body can interpret that as a sign that something is really wrong, which can make the panic worse
-
About the suicide thoughts:
Again, I myself struggle with this frequently. The ones marked as green, can be unhealthy or triggering for some. What helped me are;
1) Thinking about Death and afterwards. It's scaring me but also calming me. It makes me think I wanna be more prepared.
2) I think about small things I wanna do. (Night walks, animes I like, future events I want to experience, drawing, finding a soulmate..) they are very small and wouldn't make me say "ok I'll keep suffering and not attempt for just that!", But it does help somehow.
3) Hearing other people talk about their suicide experiences. I don't know why but that does help me kind of. People who survived, people who still struggle, people who overcame it, people who did die from it..., It can be triggering for some but it helps me personally
4) Writing down and ranting about my thoughts etc.
5) Suprisingly... going outside at night. I HATE going outside (except nights sometimes) it's silent and calm. Just me and the wind / air in the darkness.
6) Distraction. That's kinda obvious I suppose but yeah. I might have bad thoughts and then play with slime or do some puzzle. It helps slowly
7) Thinking more deeply about my I have the suicidal thoughts and then in pieces think more about "why". Basically CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) (Example: -> feeling suicidial because I have complications with friends -> why do I have these complications? -> XYZ -> How can I fix XYZ or do better?
Note: Not all coping mechanism work for everyone. Some good working ones can still not work for some. Also some might work some times and not work other times. Don't feel guilty if noone work yet<3
-
I hope this helps!!

I have simillar problems and i think this will be helpfull

 

[jeevasO-o]

I have simillar problems and i think this will be helpfull

I hope it does :D

 

[SweetMemories]

thank you so much! unfortunately eeading here only makes me more suicidal, doesnt calm me down. i am in a severe depression. but i am so glad and thankful for that. unfortuantely every Medication made my tinnitus worse. i need to do this natural and omg i havent felt like that in years.
and well... my suicidal thoughts are all coming from the tinnitus unfortunately. and this.. you cant fix. i also am unemployed due to me/cfs and the flats are all so expensive here. Also nothing i can fix. i feel so trapped

 

[jeevasO-o]

thank you so much! unfortunately eeading here only makes me more suicidal, doesnt calm me down. i am in a severe depression. but i am so glad and thankful for that. unfortuantely every Medication made my tinnitus worse. i need to do this natural and omg i havent felt like that in years.

If it does make you worse maybe take a break of this website. You are welcomed to come back anytime! We won't go and we will welcome you back. I'm sure there will be medication helping sometime. It's hard to find the right one but also just medication of course won't fix it.

About your tinnutus, did you go to a doctor about it? It can be an ear infection, ear wax or possibly signs of something else. I doubt it's something like sign of loosing your hearing but there's a possibility. Also certain antidepressants or antianxiety meds can help distress from tinnitus ( not the sound itself. ) Just because one medication worsened the tinnitus doesn't mean all treatments will. I think you need to tell a doctor about it and how the medication affects you.
Anxiety, Stress, Sleep disruption can also make a tinnutus worse. Some side effects could also cause it but when starting a medication it is normal that the side effects are there at the first few weeks and that the medication isn't doing a lot yet. That should change mostly though.

Also maybe try listening to calming music / noises. Things like white noises, black, pink, brown whatever noises can help and be calming. Or general just sound of rain, birds, wind etc.
(My personal favorite I mostly use is; )

[Saw your edit, and you struggle with ME/CFS? That explains the tinnutus. That's a common symptom in ME/CFS. I also assume you struggle sleeping well which can worsen anxiety and stress. I don't know exactly how to help with that much except what I already said.
I can give advice to sleep better:

1) Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time daily, if possible. If not possible try to do it at specific times always.
2) try making the bedroom comfortable dark quiet and keep it cooled down.
3) Listen to calming music / white noises / raining sounds.
4) If you have enough motivation trying to take a warm bath before.
5) Avoid caffeine! (And ofc drugs / nicotine) CBT can also help.

If you can get it I'd recommend CBT. (Cognitive behavioral therapy) / General therapy. But I also know how hard it is to find actual therapy and it can be expensive. Especially since you are unemployment.

If it gets really bad (also doesn't HAS to be "really bad"!) you can also admit yourself into a mental hospital. There you will get immediate treatment. There are therapists and you will get medication / recourses way way faster and easier.
You can do that by going to an ER and telling them about it. Of course that's not easy to do and not everyone wants to go there. I'll still tell you about it though.
Since it would be an voluntary admission, it won't be as strict as when it was involuntary. You also should have a right to go out when you want. If it's voluntary, they only can force you to stay max 72 hours / 3 days. (Depends on the country. I think most have it that way. If you do wanna do this, do research about hospitals in your area (if they are good, how the rules are..) Also it's important that you know your rights) Mostly they only do that if they aren't sure you are safe or when they wanna be cautious still. Also you'll have a right to refuse treatment!