Maybe it’s time

[noonetoo]

Hi, I'm no one. I think it's time for me to give up.
before I do, I guess I would like some attention. I probably only made one friend on these pages. But he doesn't disclose much of himself. I was on discord for a whole year begging for people to talk with me because I couldn't make any real friends in life. Long story short, I'm an ugly person inside and out. I guess a fatter woman with kids and marital problems decided to interfere with mine. We were engaged. I was starting to plan our wedding. I've been waiting almost 8 years but oh well. It was the whole sexting,calling her beautiful, I want to f***.... so I would like to give out her phone number in case anyone would like to have some fun and well help me, if I do succeed, just get a little revenge. I killed my own baby for him. I sacrificed everything. Thank u for listening to a nobody.
And don't worry I message a moderator and sign out soon.
She probably won't answer since she doesn't have the decency to answer me. Lol

 

[Neverod]

If you think giving up it's the best for you, i support you. Wish you well.

 

[JimFord99]

Ahh, well, don't judge you too hard. But what do you mean you killed your own baby for him?

 

[noonetoo]

Abortion

 

[JimFord99]

Abortion

Ohhh, ok, sorry. Have not thought about that, noonetoo. Sorry, really, my apologies, this was a ignorant remark of me, sorry, I did not intend to upset or offend you.

 

[noonetoo]

I'm not offended. I'm calm. I purchase a lot of alcohol this morning, some NyQuil , charcoal and disposable pan aluminum foil, lighter fluid and a lighter this morning. Now I'm park on the side of the road in the mountains contemplating how to do this. Only bummer is that's it's on a way to a casino so lots of cars are passing. I know it's not the right place here.

 

[JimFord99]

OK, considered another place, a quiet side road, maybe? Sorry it has come to this.

 

[noonetoo]

I drove for awhile, the rest of these roads lead to ranches and people's deserted hones. Someone would probably suspect me loitering, at least where I am there are other cars parked for people that walk the trails.

 

[JimFord99]

Are you safe where you are?

 

[noonetoo]

I guess

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I'm sorry that you have to face such a terrible lack of privacy to CTB. And of course it sucks that you have the whole relationship drama as well. I'm sure you know that you don't have to do this for them. You have to do this for you. And if that's your choice, I hope it is peaceful and you find success.

 

[noonetoo]

I'm just completely done. I have nothing else to live for anyway. He made his choice. I'm nothing, I wasn't good enough. Why can't people just leave instead of cheat. Why??

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I'm just completely done. I have nothing else to live for anyway. He made his choice. I'm nothing, I wasn't good enough. Why can't people just leave instead of cheat. Why??

Because people are stupid. Because we can never appreciate what we have. Because we have reptile brains. Who knows for sure. What I do sense is that he's the idiot, not you. And he probably would have cheated on anybody. I know this has to be terrible for you. I can't even imagine.

 

[JimFord99]

What makes you think you are not good enough, noonetoo? Not your fault, his choice, bad choice. You are NOT nothing. You are still a person. Don't ask why, you will never get the answer you wish to hear.

 

[noonetoo]

It's not only that, it's life in total. It's from being abused as a child, from growing up being raped, from always feeling alone in crowded places, for wishing to be good enough to have friends, for wishing to be good enough to be and feel normal, for seeing other people that have the advantage to make a family and get married. We were starting to plan our wedding this is why they say don't tell people right? Because wonderful things always get ruined. It's from having a stressful hard labor job with the meanest supervisor that made me feel so weak and useless when I was trying my hardest. It's from people never believing my side of the story and my pain. It's from family always treating us like black sheep and having no one to turn for help when you're struggling. It's from trying so hard to find a place iin life but no one wants you around .

 

[JimFord99]

Holy shit, what dreadful experience you have been through... sorry, really. Don't slag yourself down, please. It is not you.

 

[noonetoo]

It's me. The world has proven its me. I'm the nuisance.

 

[JimFord99]

No, you are not. What makes you think you are?

 

[noonetoo]

I'm sitting alone in my car on a hot day feeling like shit. And just ready to do this.

 

[awfullife]

I'm thinking of you right now noonetoo.

 

[LMLN]

Please dont anything impulsive. :(

 

[MaybeMaybeKnot]

I'm sitting alone in my car on a hot day feeling like shit. And just ready to do this.

Can you do something to just cool off and make sure this is right for you? I know you believe it is. And I trust you. But if you can just take a little break to freshen up, get a drink, take a walk. You can always follow through in an hour if it's still the right thing for you.

 

[noonetoo]

Thanks awful life. It's kind of hard to be on here, my phone wants to die. My impulse is at the top of my mind right now. Right now several cars speed by and there's several cliffs here. If we really want to die, we'll just do it right? Pain comes after the impulse.
I have, I drove up and down. I'm even crying messaging this lady going off on her, she can't even own up to being a homEwrecker because I don't have kids and we were never married. I had the grossest Burger King whopper.

 

[noonetoo]

Anyone left...I'm tipsy now

 

[SinisterKid]

Still here with one eye on all posts. I am not aware of your story, sorry, but is he worth ending your life over? Its probably much more than that, if it is, I apologise.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I'm just completely done. I have nothing else to live for anyway. He made his choice. I'm nothing, I wasn't good enough. Why can't people just leave instead of cheat. Why??

I am so very sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do to take this pain away because Im going thru the same. My bf did the same to me. Cheated on me twice. This last time killed me. He ghosted me on top of everything and we were planning to get married and he moved me in only to discard me. People who cheat are a special kind of evil. I read the rest of your story you posted and I can relate to it so much. Feel free to reach out if you want someone to talk to.

 

[noonetoo]

So I failed. Whoever said I should've started off sober was right. I got so drunk, that I started the charcoal wrong. After my car filled with smoke, I blacked out, ended up drinking the NyQuil I had, vomiting and peeing myself and then opened the car door and was found by paramedics with my face on the ground. I remember vaguely but I do remember screaming and crying in the ambulance that I wanted to die. I'm so stupid. I still want to die. I'm lucky no brain damage but just means I need to be smarter and find a more reliable method I can't be saved from.. if there is a god, Damn it. I hate living. Thank you to those who heard me on the day I was trying to make it my last.

 

[TowerUpright]

Sorry to hear about your experience.. and your story as well.. if there was something I could do to help, I would.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Thanks for the update <3

 

[realjunes]

So I failed. Whoever said I should've started off sober was right. I got so drunk, that I started the charcoal wrong. After my car filled with smoke, I blacked out, ended up drinking the NyQuil I had, vomiting and peeing myself and then opened the car door and was found by paramedics with my face on the ground. I remember vaguely but I do remember screaming and crying in the ambulance that I wanted to die. I'm so stupid. I still want to die. I'm lucky no brain damage but just means I need to be smarter and find a more reliable method I can't be saved from.. if there is a god, Damn it. I hate living. Thank you to those who heard me on the day I was trying to make it my last.

Noonetoo - I am just reading your thread and join others in saying I am so sorry for the unfair events in your life that
have crushed you. I think all members recognize your despair and hopelessness. We are lucky you suffered no
brain damage and ask you to please return to the forum as soon as you can so we be here for you, talk things out
and be the support you deserve. Love and Peace to you.