StrawberryBlood
Strawberry Carnivore
- Jul 17, 2023
- 15
I think my therapist is saving my life.
I should explain more.
I wouldn't still be here at all if it weren't for the people close to me. For better, or for worse, they have kept me alive. Because they love me, and me being gone would hurt them.
I've been resentful of this in past. I've felt that if they didn't exist, I would be dead already; this would have been over years ago. I wouldn't have to suffer in this world any longer.
But whether I like it or not, I'm still breathing because they kept me breathing. In a way that's all they did. They kept me on life support. I was alive, and that was it.
No one in my life has actually been there to support me in a tangible way. In a way that pushes me past the learned helplessness I've struggled with all my life. In a way that expresses outward belief in my ability to do things. Certainly they believe in me in some capacity, but it was never an outward expression. I've wallowed in hopeless and stagnation for years. My environment growing up and still to this day has been a pit of quick sand with no end in sight.
But, I think I might make it out alive, and my therapist is the reason why.
If ever I were to lose my therapist for any reason, I may finally put the nail in the coffin.
But maybe I can do this. Maybe I can persevere past the sinking dirt I was born into. Maybe.
I should explain more.
I wouldn't still be here at all if it weren't for the people close to me. For better, or for worse, they have kept me alive. Because they love me, and me being gone would hurt them.
I've been resentful of this in past. I've felt that if they didn't exist, I would be dead already; this would have been over years ago. I wouldn't have to suffer in this world any longer.
But whether I like it or not, I'm still breathing because they kept me breathing. In a way that's all they did. They kept me on life support. I was alive, and that was it.
No one in my life has actually been there to support me in a tangible way. In a way that pushes me past the learned helplessness I've struggled with all my life. In a way that expresses outward belief in my ability to do things. Certainly they believe in me in some capacity, but it was never an outward expression. I've wallowed in hopeless and stagnation for years. My environment growing up and still to this day has been a pit of quick sand with no end in sight.
But, I think I might make it out alive, and my therapist is the reason why.
If ever I were to lose my therapist for any reason, I may finally put the nail in the coffin.
But maybe I can do this. Maybe I can persevere past the sinking dirt I was born into. Maybe.
