Maybe I Won’t Make It

[angelicisight]

Everything is so difficult. I don't know how I can survive. I just want to work. It's so hard. I feel there is no way to make it. I don't feel I have what it takes. The environment is so toxic. It's not just about work. There are things to it that I just don't understand. It makes me miserable. There's no room for life anymore.

 

[MrDarkness]

Everything is so difficult. I don't know how I can survive. I just want to work. It's so hard. I feel there is no way to make it. I don't feel I have what it takes. The environment is so toxic. It's not just about work. There are things to it that I just don't understand. It makes me miserable. There's no room for life anymore.

Life is an endless struggle for peace of mind, I feel the same, currently 18 and felt the same in school everyday since I was 12 but learned we are in this shithole together, we can make it a little bare able for each other hopefully

 

[angelicisight]

Life is an endless struggle for peace of mind, I feel the same, currently 18 and felt the same in school everyday since I was 12 but learned we are in this shithole together, we can make it a little bare able for each other hopefully

I can't work for a company anymore. I spent 7 years gaining my qualifications to be able to be legally independent in my line of work. The work isn't even hard. It's just the people. It just feels like everyone is filled with poison or venom. There's no space to prosper.

 

[MrDarkness]

I can't work for a company anymore. I spent 7 years gaining my qualifications to be able to be legally independent in my line of work. The work isn't even hard. It's just the people. It just feels like everyone is filled with poison or venom. There's no space to prosper.

Try to find a new place to work, that's the best I can say. I hope everything turns out well for you

 

[SexyIncél]

I can't work for a company anymore. I spent 7 years gaining my qualifications to be able to be legally independent in my line of work. The work isn't even hard. It's just the people. It just feels like everyone is filled with poison or venom. There's no space to prosper.

Possible to work remote?

Maybe consider reading this book? "Disciplined Minds: A Critical Look at Salaried Professionals and the Soul-battering System That Shapes Their Lives"

 

[angelicisight]

Possible to work remote?

Maybe consider reading this book? "Disciplined Minds: A Critical Look at Salaried Professionals and the Soul-battering System That Shapes Their Lives"

I'm independent, so I am working for myself now. It's a major struggle, but I feel like I can't work for someone else again. It's too dehumanizing for me. I guess I am just so young to be independent though like this. I have no network, no real savings, no nothing. I took this major risk, I tried backing away because I got scared, but I ended up coming back to take this risk again after a couple months. There was just no other option for me that I felt I could live with. It feels like such a devastating situation for me to be in. I don't even feel like I want the opportunity to succeed on my own. I just hated how the environment is working for someone else. It constantly felt like I couldn't be human. It's either a slave or a monster, and I don't feel I can be either. My attitude disqualifies me. I only want to look out for myself and my responsibilities. I don't want to get tied up with things I have nothing to do with. Maybe I fell into unrealistic desires for how life could be. If so, I guess I'm stuck waiting for the pressure of failure to ruin me or my resolve. I just thought there had to be a better way to live, but I never had indication on whether or not that way was real. I'd love to believe it, but I don't even know what I'm trying to believe in with how I am.

 

[MeltingBrain]

It's very hard to give specific advice without knowing your field of work.
Maybe you can be frank with your employer " Hey, I have amazing technical skills and perform best independently. I am someone who puts his head down and gets things done really well if people don't communicate with me while I am working . "
If you work somewhere, where you HAVE to co-operate with others then change your field . Chefs becomes coders, Enngineers become pillow sellers, Lawyers become entrepreneurs. It happens everywhere all the time with people who have sunk decades in a field.

 

[angelicisight]

It's very hard to give specific advice without knowing your field of work.
Maybe you can be frank with your employer " Hey, I have amazing technical skills and perform best independently. I am someone who puts his head down and gets things done really well if people don't communicate with me while I am working . "
If you work somewhere, where you HAVE to co-operate with others then change your field . Chefs becomes coders, Enngineers become pillow sellers, Lawyers become entrepreneurs. It happens everywhere all the time with people who have sunk decades in a field.

Yeah it's interesting people like to give advice here. I don't work for anyone. I have no employer. I only have customers now. I'm not looking for advice. I am just going down the path of trying to accept the possibility I might become a failure. I don't know what this means to me yet. I want to be able to judge myself for failing. I want to be able to say "I deserved this because of these reasons." So far, I just don't have that judgment against myself. Instead, I have to come to terms with what else being a failure might mean to me. I don't even know if I should be entertaining this idea of failing at all, but it compels me to write with how real it feels to me. It's either accept failure or fight to succeed, but I don't want to fight to live anymore. Therefore I explore what failure is meaning to me in this context. I'm not looking for advice.

 

[cami]

failure is subjective. it's in the eye of the beholder. there can be beauty and success in unexpected places and circumstances. take care my love. you're never alone, failure or not.

 

[angelicisight]

failure is subjective. it's in the eye of the beholder. there can be beauty and success in unexpected places and circumstances. take care my love. you're never alone, failure or not.

thank you so much. i want to use all caps, but instead i use all lowercase. I am so excited by what you said, but also what you said was so calming. Thanks. I really needed it, and it totally spoke the language I was looking to hear .

There are wonderful ethereal realities to life. Things of beauty that are not so quantifiable in easy to recognize metrics. I realized today my heart was wishing to weaponize my success, and I saw the error of my ways in this. I would feel a failure then to live in peace, but this is the way my mind wants to truly live!

Yeah it truly is an unexpected idea for me to succeed in peace. I have thought peace will only come when I am dead, but that I find peace when I am alive, I have no way of knowing how to anticipate this. I feel I cannot be at peace with the way things are, but maybe I shouldn't be so convinced of my convictions though I refuse to forget them.

I am still learning so much. I guess all I want now is something to help me sleep. This is it. I can sleep well knowing regardless of how much further I have to go, I can rest here marveling at the beautiful and wonderful mystery of life. We feel shook by the power of it all, but from afar a tapestry is being woven together. So many elements combine together to form what is amazing. Trust the process so much I can die for it. That's something I can sleep well believing. Thanks. Goodnight.

 

[alrondlondo]

I'm not trying to devalue you, but I didn't see a loser here, many can only dream of such