Story Maybe I should stay alive just to spite them (so upset right now)

[Suicidebydeath]

That's a mail from my abusive, estranged parent, I haven't spoken to them in over half a year and still don't intend to.
It's addressed to me in third person, because they're petty.
The other person is probably my sister, since its titled cat, and I just picked up my lost cat yesterday.

Apparently I'm selfish even though I'm the only one looking after my parent for the last 10+ years.
She's been living with me rent and bill free for those 10+ years now.
I'm the selfish one even though my family stole £50K+ from me, and haven't paid it back.
Oh he said the same thing to that sibling but he's still giving them money and they're still gambling, but they're the favoured child(eldest son).
I'm feeding her because she's blind, I'm taking care of her financial affairs because people were taking advantage and stealing from her.
I'm putting my whole life on hold to look after her.
She was in the hospital recently and my brother showed up once then never appeared again.
Oh yeah and ofc they blame me for that too.

I hate my family. I blocked his email although I still have words to shout at them.

I'm torn half of me wants to kill myself and half of me wants me to carry on, because them being the way they are doesn't change the way I am. I know I'm right and they're in the wrong. I really hate my family, they were so abusive to me in the past, and they can't make amends.


*screaming inside* - going out to use my punching bag, or something. I want to get as healthy as possible so I can run far far far away from them. Which is hard because the other part of me just wants to die.

I think this is because of my sister as well, she wants more money. She's been telling everyone she's been using her own money to help mom but she hasn't, she's been taking the money out of my mom's bank. I've had quite a few people tell me that, but I've seen mom's bank statements and confirmed it with her.

 

[brokenbutterflies]

From what I've read, you sound like a good person doing a lot for other people. I'm sorry they can't recognise that. What a cruel email to send to someone.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

From what I've read, you sound like a good person doing a lot for other people. I'm sorry they can't recognise that. What a cruel email to send to someone.

Thank you.. my family hate me and use me as the scapegoat for everything, all their problems and always have. I got abducted and beat up by my uncle and his friends when I was young and my parents never cared about that either, they didn't ask me any questions or where I've been or anything, they just don't care what happens to me. They know what happened now and they still don't care.

Mom offered to give me money instead but I declined it, I'd rather put money in her bank account. She shouldn't have to make any amends because the rest of my family is awful.

 

[brokenbutterflies]

Thank you.. my family hate me and use me as the scapegoat for everything, all their problems and always have. I got abducted and beat up by my uncle and his friends when I was young and my parents never cared about that either, they didn't ask me any questions or where I've been or anything, they just don't care what happens to me. They know what happened now and they still don't care.

Mom offered to give me money instead but I declined it, I'd rather put money in her bank account. She shouldn't have to make any amends because the rest of my family is awful.

That's awful, I'm sorry they pin everything on you. I know people in similar situations, abusive people pick on others because they don't want to acknowledge their own faults and it's easier to choose someone to bully instead. I hope you know that you deserve better, you seem like such a kind and giving person. I like what you said about living out of spite, I feel like that's half the reason I'm still alive - to spite those who think the world would be better off without me.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Thank you. Appreciate more replies since I'm still upset and I don't know when my facebook friends will reply. Plus its awful having to explain it over and over, I hate that.

My fingers are a little red and torn from the punching bag now and I still feel sad. Fml

 

[Pluto]

My family does that scapegoating thing, too. It's part of the way they fabricate a phony narrative that hides their own abusive ways from outsiders. Lots of lies are spread that defame the victim and ensure that all sympathy goes to the abuser. Nice.

In my experience, you have to cut them out completely and permanently and focus on replacing them with sane people if you are to survive. Unfortunately the damage that they leave behind does not end simply because they are excommunicated, so it's a heck of a journey.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Sad, almost crying. Fuck them all.

 

[brokenbutterflies]

Sad, almost crying. Fuck them all.

Yes, fuck them all. I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Started crying. Argh. Going to punch bag. 2 fingers cut, need to bandage them. I hate my family. Ran out of energy to punch hard for now.

I'm still mad because the email is entitled cat, lol. Leave my cats out of this, they're the only decent family I've got.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Oh yeah, I guess he conveniently forgot that I'm the one who told him not to send me any money and to spend it on his retirement.

But no, I'm the selfish one apparently.

I just sent him another angry email, no idea whether he'll get it. But he won't care because according to him he can't do anything wrong.

 

[Pluto]

I'm still mad because the email is entitled cat, lol.

One thing I can suggest is taking a look at support groups, just to be reminded that you are not alone in dealing with this. It makes it less personal when you understand that it's caused by a mental illness that cannot be fixed.

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[Suicidebydeath]

Ugh, family is such a huge factor in suicide for so many people.

I hate my irresponsible family. Maybe if I died they'd have to be responsible for once.

I'm trying really hard to avoid the urge to stress eat and just drink water. It's hard when there are leftovers too. Fuck everything, I want to die.

I sent an email to dignitas. Fingers crossed please that they understand my suffering and accept me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people really are so cruel and it is terrible the way that many people treat others. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. Life really is so unfair and I can imagine that it must be so awful being in that situation. I envy those who are able to go to Dignitas. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your pain.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Wish we could go together FC but I want to die asap. I doubt I can actually go to Dignitas or wherever but I'm prepared to take another way out.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My sister admitted she was the one who stole and released my cat while screaming obscenities at me down the phone today. I wanted her to apologise for going behind my back and not talking to me about the cat. She just screamed the whole time and then called police. Police came and spoke to me and mom and left.

I feel so trapped because whatever I do is never good enough. I think they wanted my cat to die, that was there hope. Out of sight, out of mind to them.
Kinda want to die again

 

[Suicidebydeath]

My mom admitted that she knew my sister had taken and released my cat. My cat had to go to the vets twice because she was on the streets and not being looked after. I wish she had told me so I didn't have to worry about whether she was dead or alive. One of the nurses just now said she doesn't see the problem with the cats here and she doesn't think that anyone would have told my sister to steal the cat(so another lie from her).

I'm not mad that my mum witheld this from me, people take advantage of her and she needs looking after. She said it wasn't her idea and I believe her. My sister lies a lot.