maybe CTB ? maybe trying to recover? maybe nothing at all ?

[mugli2.0]

Hey guys , since i joined i was just reading what people were writing.
now i am trying to get help for all my thinking and life struggles , for example i am working in as kind of a social worker for past Homeless people , means these people have been on street or in "hidden homeless" ( its if someone as example live at friends house and then family and so on but doesn't has his own place to stay) so i am working with Humans how really had a bad life and we are tyring to get them out of this, means they have their own room to stay and we assist with everything, we have psychiatrists nurses and all kind of help for them.
but now i am coming to the point ; i am feeling overwhelmed with everything as a person who was Alcoholic and has may other things( TD1 and PTSD.... and so on,.. )
this all puts me in a hard situation , but i am sober for a long time, i have" everything " apartment job etc . And for me its hard because people see me as a Happy person and doing "good" in live but its Just a good Mask i hide behind.

today i went to doctor and told him i have suicide thought since i can't remember (about 3 months its literally everyday.,) but then i always say to myself why for what reason.( just wanting ´ctb)
in the end i feel like aaaa its not so bad everything is so much better than years before , and later i come to the point where i say to myself i cannot even get happy on thing that would make me so happy in past (example , it was a fantasy to just fly somewhere i want ) now i have enough money and enough days i can go on vacation , but when i think of this its make me feel like , why i should do this.

So after i visited my doctor for try to get help ; i asked for sleep medication and told him about my shift working job and that i feel suicidal, he gave me a recomondation to go to a psychiatric ward , he didn't give me a medication so that i can sleep at least, ( i thinking of buying them illegaly now) so i called the nearest hospital that i should get checked and this woman on phone just asked whats standing on this fucking paper, and said that its not an emergency , but also told me if its getting to bad i should call ambulance ( i mean it cost sooo much tax money to call and let them take me there but they only allow me to come there over emergency room ) i just wanted to go there by myself. The woman on phone also said that sleeping is a problem and why my doctor didnt prescribed me something, i said i dont know he sent me to you ,,,,, LATER She give me a Appointment for Wednesday in morning! and again said " but if its getting to bad i should call the emergency number, but i already know whats happening then ,.. police and ambulance and its really giving me a bad feeling cause why i have to make like a big "scene" ( like my clients in work often do)
i am just frustrated for double bind , optimistic to recovery , and not giving a F about this shit "help " where i just get send from one person to an other...

cheeryo

 

[Crimson Red]

I am so sorry, the system is failing you as it seems. I can only attest from personal experience that a psych ward is beneficial but that really depends on the Country. I would never go to a psych ward in the US for example, simply because there are so many horror stories while the wards here are actually really friendly.

Go to another doctor and tell them the same story, maybe they will take you seriously.

 

[mugli2.0]

I am so sorry, the system is failing you as it seems. I can only attest from personal experience that a psych ward is beneficial but that really depends on the Country. I would never go to a psych ward in the US for example, simply because there are so many horror stories while the wards here are actually really friendly.

Go to another doctor and tell them the same story, maybe they will take you seriously.

So later that day i went to an other Hospital , they actually talked to me and said how i want , i can sstay vor go but if it gets worse i should come imediaty , so in the Ende i got help and Montag i comte back to Thema,
actually they die give me some medications for weekend but they make it hard for me to focus (some Benzodiazepine s)

 

[SoulCage]

I understand your frustrations, I have the same experience in my country when asking for help. I told my therapist and my psychiatrist that I have suicidal thoughts and that I am not sure how much longer I can endure my existence. They said the same "if you are in immediate danger, just call the ambulance". And I am thinking to myself... Hell no, not gonna do that, because I tried everything to get "help" through normal channels, that means I am ready to go. It is disgusting that I have to use up emergency services so that I get closer to an actual recovery plan. The current plan I have is so bad, I am also just on medication that reduced the thoughts a little, but I have really bad side effects. The problem is that when I try to explain that this medication doesn't work then I get gaslighted into believing that I am not trying to get better. My doctor told me that. "I can't help you if you are not even trying to get better".
It's ridiculous. It's the worst time of our lives, all the mental health "advertisement" acknowledge that we struggle to do basic tasks and that there is help for everyone. But once you try to get help you are just being told you are not doing enough.

I told you my experience, because I am hoping that it makes you feel a little better that you know that you are not the only one who is being ignored by the system. They always advertise it better than it actually is, so that everyone believes that we don't have a mental health crisis (basically keeping up morale, I guess).