Help Marijuana specifically edibles. I don't feel so horrible anymore today. Im so uncertain now.

[Livingvsdying25]

I'm writing a lot on here I'm so confused... conflicted and I don't wanna discuss this with anyone in my life rn. I don't wanna be alone in it either anyway...

My insomnia has been worse for last month. Was already struggling to eat / was just starting to recover from the anorexic aspects of eating disorder. Among other things tbh.

The insomnia was triggered by event / reminder of that abuse. Tgen a really vivid sleep paralysis night mare.
So sleepy and nightime makes me anxious as hell now.

I was getting like 2 hrs at most if im lucky. Fall asleep 30 mins amd shake/anxiety awake kinda thing ir no sleep at all.

This has really set me back on A LOT and been fucking with me on a lot of levels....

Ot messed with my head which messed with my finances so haven't had edibles in a month. Well my brother came to help me and I remembered how I was starting to use em intentionally.

Well he got me some and low and behold... They are literally life saving. I have a vape and used it sometimes but... edibles are just different.

I slept for the longest time in a month. I ate. It made me feel less... suicidal today.

I feel so pathetic that a simple thing can change soo much. He was going to make sure I had em regularly...

I.. feel so bad for today. I'm still weighed down. My soul is still tired but I actually have a chance to relieve that... finally...

I want to rest and my life not fall apart/ go to shit. I need support and help. I need to be able to give some of this heaviness away or I cant take it anymore. Death feels like relief.

But... even.tho it's scary bc it's unknown and new... there's so much relief to be.. certain I can make this load of life lighter and be able to actually rest. Live.... lightly...

I was drowning and now I'm not bc of some CBD and thc. I feel so stupid for how I've been crying and dying today..

I still want to kill myself tho. I dunno... what to do if I did live... i said goodbye already... Im sure I've ruined that support and just made everyones day shit. Is there redemption :/

 

[ItHurtsSoMuch]

Simple things can bring huge changes. If you have a simple thing that makes you want to live, then don't let saying goodbye make you feel like you can't live. I'm in the opposite situation. A simple thing today made me realize that I really, really do want to die, even though I had promise someone that I wouldn't. I just can't keep that promise, and at this point, I think he probably would prefer I didn't keep it. But there is redemption, if that's what you want. It ain't over till it's over.

 

[ilikepink]

i think sometimes those moments that give us that gut feeling that we don't want to die means that now is not the time. it may not be today, it may not be a month from now. one of my greatest comforts is that i can technically leave this world whenever i want to. there's no need to rush if i'm not absolutely sure.

genuine rest is so important. i struggle with insomnia and trauma, so i rarely get a full night of sleep. i usually wake up 2-3 times a night on a good night and have a hard time actually falling asleep. bad nights are very, very bad. this triggers my bipolar disorder as well and sends me off the rails. a bad night of sleep (or lack of) alone can make me suicidal. edibles (when i had them) were a lifesaver. best sleep i ever get without the grogginess of a sleep aid. my bong, joints, blunts, whatever, weren't the same. i get exactly what you're describing.

i hope you can get the rest you need soon. that can make a massive difference. sleep is needed to live. nothing you said is pathetic or irredeemable.

 

[Weebster]

What happens if you eat the whole bag?

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Fuckin' love me some edibles. I usually do 60mg to 120mg of THC at a time.

 

[Krieger]

Weed is definitely good at making you feel better, I don't know why it's not legal in more countries. It's natural and way safer than alcohol.

 

[Pluto]

Wish I could try this stuff, but would probably put me in jail for 20 years here.

 

[LittleJem]

Edibles were the only thing that helped me in years of agitation and depression. I couldn't have survived without them.

Weed is medicine. It is an ancient medicine. It was used (most likely) by William Shakespeare and (definitely) by Queen Victoria - in her case for period cramps. It is only fashion that makes it illegal now.

If you have been through trauma, it is understandable and natural that you need support. Edibles are great for that. I did also at times feel shame about it, but saying that trauma damages the brain. So you need help from something...it is impossible to deal with that level of trauma by yourself and I'm not sure therapy hepls that much eithere - I have had years of it to no effect.

Weed supports I think dopamine which will make you feel better. Ketamine helps neurons regrow. It is like fertiliser for the brain.

If you ever get the chance to try it, Ketamine is also very good for a break from depression. This year, a big dose of it on Christmas Day literally changed my life. I am waking up without suicidal thoughts for the first time in my life thanks to that dose of Ketamine. People can find it addictive, but for me my regular medicine is weed edibles, and Ketamine is a bonus and a support. I haven't had any in months now - though at hte moment am going throguh homelessness and eviction, and threats made by my ex - and even now I am still the happiest I have ever been.

Drugs are medicine, just like medicine is medicine. They have their riks, but Ketamine is used to treat depression and sucidiality and ptsd (as is MDMA) and I wish they were more widely avaialbnel for everyone suffering.

I hope you don't mind me ranting. I just wish helpful medicine would be avaialble more widely.

 

[myopybyproxy]

that is wonderful that you've found something that helps you

if you choose to continue using, i would advise to consider it a medicine and only take it on a schedule - eg few hours before going to sleep - to minimise the chances of it spiralling into an addiction