Many suicidal people don't want to die

[CannabisMuncher]

Okay, I know what you might be thinking, "Wdym dont want to die? isnt that the point?" Well, its more complicated.
I obviously cant speak for EVERYONE, but this is how i personally feel, and have seen others feel as well.
I am suicidal ( Duh ) but, I dont want to die.
I just simply want to be freed from this cruel world. But dying is the only way. Sometimes I feel like i dont deserve to say im suicidal because of this, but to ANYONE feeling this way: You are not alone.

 

[until death]

Some just want to end the suffering and some really want to die

 

[CannabisMuncher]

Some just want to end the suffering and some really want to die

exactly. I just want the suffering to end, but dying is the only way. It sucks, but life is too cruel to be fair. Whether you want to die, or just want to not live, we can all get through this, suicide is okay. Recovery is okay. whichever path, as long as it helps you feel happy.

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you eventually find peace from all the suffering, it certainly is cruel how people have to suffer so much. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Mirrory Me]

exactly. I just want the suffering to end, but dying is the only way. It sucks, but life is too cruel to be fair. Whether you want to die, or just want to not live, we can all get through this, suicide is okay. Recovery is okay. whichever path, as long as it helps you feel happy.

Death is not the only way to end suffering. Just saying.

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

Personally I do want to die. Even if I could stop the suffering I wouldn't want to live. I suppose you could say it's because of previous trauma or something similar to that. Feels dumb but it's just how my mind works at this point.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's often pro-lifers who say this to imply that- you wouldn't want to die if life was better- you could fix your problems. But that's another 'duh' statement really. We want to die because we feel like we can't fix our problems! To our satisfaction anyway. Then, there's usually just a battle of wills that ensues where they will go through all the things you should be trying and if you have tried them- it's because you haven't tried hard enough!

But yes- the process of dieing? I imagine only the masochistic or highly inquisitive/ adventurous types actually want to go through it. I think to most, suicide is simply the lesser of the evils. They simply can't or don't want to deal with any feasible version of life anymore and death is the only alternative.

It is dumb really because we can't just go and live in a fairytale. I'd imagine the majority of suicidal people have actually thought about how to change their life for the better. Most will have already tried things. People become seriously suicidal when they have lost that will to keep trying I would have thought. Or- it seems too hard- near impossible. Or- the final reward doesn't look worth it so- we start to gravitate towards the alternative!

It's a bit like saying to someone with a cancerous tumour- are you looking forward to the operation? No- probably not. They're probably nervous about the operation but I expect they're looking forward to being the other side of it and being rid of the tumour.

That leads to the other dilema though- depends on what you believe of course but if death is non existence- then- yes- it kind of is non sensical to say how much you're going to enjoy non existence. You won't exist to experience it! Still- it's more simply that people look forward to the absence of life I think and all the problems it can bring. Yes- it can bring good things too but, suicidal people aren't suicidal because they experienced lots of good things! They feel like they know enough of the experience to know they don't want to experience it anymore!

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Okay, I know what you might be thinking, "Wdym dont want to die? isnt that the point?" Well, its more complicated.
I obviously cant speak for EVERYONE, but this is how i personally feel, and have seen others feel as well.
I am suicidal ( Duh ) but, I dont want to die.
I just simply want to be freed from this cruel world. But dying is the only way. Sometimes I feel like i dont deserve to say im suicidal because of this, but to ANYONE feeling this way: You are not alone.

I think the best way we've heard it is: suicidal people don't want to die, they want the pain to go away.

I think most suicidal people are so traumatized from their pain they don't see how they can logically live a peaceful life.

Our bodies keep score of every injury we face. Remember that time you slipped on the ice? You do now because you slept a little funny. Do you remember when your parent slapped you for asking a silly question? You do now because your boss is lecturing you about something you didn't do.

 

[ASBA999]

I love life but mine has become absolute misery so need to stop my suffering so the only way is to end it

 

[Aim]

Off course! It's not a fun thing to do. But I think it's both. I think there is people that genuinely wants to die, and then you have the other part that is just in to much torment, where nothing helps anymore. That wants to escape their pain. (Which is totally understandable)

 

[KafkaF]

It's true.

I don't want to die. I want to live a long and happy life. I want to become a professional novelist and be with my previous girlfriend again. Have my own nice house and have all sorts of fun and enjoyment.

But, unfortunately, it doesn't seem like any of those things are possible atm. And instead I'm in constant, crippling emotional pain that so much I can barely make it through each day. And I'm incapable of doing anything much more than getting out of bed in the morning. And sometimes not even that.

I'm terrified of non-existence. I just don't know how much longer I can bare the constant, excruciating pain of being alive in this shit life of mine where I have nothing except pain.

 

[UKscotty]

The issue is there is very little that can be done for us. I have had all sorts, therapy, pills, group support etc.. all same outcome.

I think its more we are holding on to that last bit of hope that maybe things can get better. There are way more people on the forum than confirmed CTB which would indicate people either get better or give life another chance.

As we say, dying is easy but getting to that point is hard. Getting to the point of wanting to CTB then actually going through with it are very different things, the SI is literally the most powerful force we can ever encounter.

 

[Ash’Girl]

If there was a fairy godmother with a magic wand who could send me to my dream alternate reality where my fiancé didn't die and our future plans came to be, then I wouldn't want to ctb. I'd still have suicidal ideation when things get stressful as I've had that my whole life but it'd be manageable. My depression would be manageable. My anxiety would be manageable. Why? Because he's the only person I've ever encountered who accepted me fully as I am, however I am in any moment - at my most depressed or at my happiest - and didn't try to change or judge. He was just there. By just being there, he somehow made everything…. Better. Worth it. He was my peace.

But he did die and nothing I can do will change that. Existing without him is not something that I can "fix" the pain of. And yes, a fair amount of time has passed. I'm just tired and I want to ctb because I don't see the point to trying anymore. I work, I sleep, and repeat.

 

[Aim]

I think the best way we've heard it is: suicidal people don't want to die, they want the pain to go away.

I think most suicidal people are so traumatized from their pain they don't see how they can logically live a peaceful life.

Our bodies keep score of every injury we face. Remember that time you slipped on the ice? You do now because you slept a little funny. Do you remember when your parent slapped you for asking a silly question? You do now because your boss is lecturing you about something you didn't do.

This, thank you for putting this so well into words. it's hard to understand that someone doesn't see this perspective, but for people that isn't suffering. I have noticed that they dont. They truly do not get it. How severe it gets. Which i wonder why, since many are able to empatize with feks cancer patients. Maybe it's just not enough knowledge out there yet on mental illness.

This, thank you for putting this so well into words. it's hard to understand that someone doesn't see this perspective, but for people that isn't suffering. I have noticed that they dont. They truly do not get it. How severe it gets. Which i wonder why, since many are able to empatize with feks cancer patients. Maybe it's just not enough knowledge out there yet on mental illness.

So people think people are faking it or something.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

This, thank you for putting this so well into words. it's hard to understand that someone doesn't see this perspective, but for people that isn't suffering. I have noticed that they dont. They truly do not get it. How severe it gets. Which i wonder why, since many are able to empatize with feks cancer patients. Maybe it's just not enough knowledge out there yet on mental illness.
So people think people are faking it or something.

I was homeless and doing DoorDash when my car was towed for being in a private space. (Promise it wasn't labeled well, we were there for 3 minutes. Tow truck was waiting for an ignorant driver) People at the 988 crisis line kept us company as I stayed awake all night getting to the tow place waiting for them to open on a rainy bus bench. We did this instead of calling our mother and returning to her for the night. The people at 988 could not understand our resolve.

 

[Zebulon]

The closer I get to the date where CTB myself the more I realize I dont want to actually die. If I had the chance to wish the life I want into existence, I wouldn't die. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that it will only get worse than it already is. And I dont want to experience 50+ years of suffering just to die from old age.

 

[Aim]

Is this a joke? What is wrong in this world. Is it stupidity lack of knowledge lack of empathy. Is it evilness, were also good people just choose to close their eyes.
I'm so sorry you experienced that! I don't get it.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

If there was a fairy godmother with a magic wand who could send me to my dream alternate reality where my fiancé didn't die and our future plans came to be, then I wouldn't want to ctb. I'd still have suicidal ideation when things get stressful as I've had that my whole life but it'd be manageable. My depression would be manageable. My anxiety would be manageable. Why? Because he's the only person I've ever encountered who accepted me fully as I am, however I am in any moment - at my most depressed or at my happiest - and didn't try to change or judge. He was just there. By just being there, he somehow made everything…. Better. Worth it. He was my peace.

But he did die and nothing I can do will change that. Existing without him is not something that I can "fix" the pain of. And yes, a fair amount of time has passed. I'm just tired and I want to ctb because I don't see the point to trying anymore. I work, I sleep, and repeat.

That must be very painful. We lost our cousin to suicide when we were 18. He was my best friend. I can see how losing your fiance is a lot like losing the future you were supposed to have. The events, occurrences, and memories that will never be because of some cosmic coincidence.

I hope you find peace. Be well on your journey.

 

[Oathkeeper]

I don't want to die. I just want the suffering to end. Nothing helps my fucked up brain. Not a single damn treatment.

My life circumstances just aren't turning around either. Tired of rebuilding my life over and over only to have it collapse every single time. There's just no point in trying anymore. I wish things in my life were good. I wish I could go back in time.

 

[IchijouRirika]

I just wanna end this suffering and this entire life that seems like punishment for crimes of a past life at times.

 

[oddetoad]

We dont wanna die but we would've much rather prefered to never have been forced into this hellpit and slave away for a lifetime because two people were stupid and selfish enough to procreate.

I just wanna end this suffering and this entire life that seems like punishment for crimes of a past life at times.

Its ok to think that, I have as well, just don't bring that belief with you when you die thats all. It can leave you vulnerable to get recycled back here.

 

[pagedelight]

We dont wanna die but we would've much rather prefered to never have been forced into this hellpit and slave away for a lifetime because two people were stupid and selfish enough to procreate.

Its ok to think that, I have as well, just don't bring that belief with you when you die thats all. It can leave you vulnerable to get recycled back here.

Wdym "vulnerable to be recycled back here."

 

[oddetoad]

Wdym "vulnerable to be recycled back here."

Well, if you research the NDEs, holding certain beliefs when we die are used against us in different ways.
For example, if you believe in Jesus they will masquerade as Angels or Jesus himself to lure you back into reincarnating here
Same goes for if you think that you were someone that did something bad in your past life then they may very well use this to persuade you that you have another lifetime to "pay up" with.

 

[trashhologram]

If there was an option to just end the pain without dying I would take it. I am suicidal but I don't think life is bad, it's just my stupid mental health that is the problem. Unfortunately I don't see myself recovering but I'm trying. I just think I'll get depressed again after some time.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

Well, if you research the NDEs, holding certain beliefs when we die are used against us in different ways.
For example, if you believe in Jesus they will masquerade as Angels or Jesus himself to lure you back into reincarnating here
Same goes for if you think that you were someone that did something bad in your past life then they may very well use this to persuade you that you have another lifetime to "pay up" with.

Inversely, there are many that hold the belief that "we asked for this existence". I know it sounds stupid, who would ask for such a miserable human experience? But what if that's the point? To collect this human experience, just to add it to the tally.

I've had dozens of NDE's with DMT. If my experiences hold any clues to what comes "next", we reconnect with the universe for a short time, then get plugged back into something else. Sometimes you have previous memories of your past life, sometimes not.

Children Who Report Memories of Past Lives - Division of Perceptual Studies

Tucker writes about James Leininger, a boy who had past-life memories of being a WWII pilot, and Ryan Hammond, who had memories of being a Hollywood agent.

med.virginia.edu

 

[oddetoad]

Inversely, there are many that hold the belief that "we asked for this existence". I know it sounds stupid, who would ask for such a miserable human experience? But what if that's the point? To collect this human experience, just to add it to the tally.

I've had dozens of NDE's with DMT. If my experiences hold any clues to what comes "next", we reconnect with the universe for a short time, then get plugged back into something else. Sometimes you have previous memories of your past life, sometimes not.

Children Who Report Memories of Past Lives - Division of Perceptual Studies

Tucker writes about James Leininger, a boy who had past-life memories of being a WWII pilot, and Ryan Hammond, who had memories of being a Hollywood agent.

med.virginia.edu

plug me in to anywhere but here .. i want eternal nothingness rather than live here again

i've heard about that resting room for the soul in between life as well .. many ndes speak of it

 

[cosmic_traveler]

If there was an option to just end the pain without dying I would take it. I am suicidal but I don't think life is bad, it's just my stupid mental health that is the problem. Unfortunately I don't see myself recovering but I'm trying. I just think I'll get depressed again after some time.

Struggling with mental illness is such a terrible burden. Mental healthcare is decades behind where it should be. If you're not having success with prescribed medicine, I definitely recommend hallucinogenics like psilocybin or DMT. DMT is like 5 years of therapy in 5 minutes.

I think if my wife hadn't scared us into ditching all our equipment we wouldn't be seeking to ctb.

 

[figurehead]

Okay, I know what you might be thinking, "Wdym dont want to die? isnt that the point?" Well, its more complicated.
I obviously cant speak for EVERYONE, but this is how i personally feel, and have seen others feel as well.
I am suicidal ( Duh ) but, I dont want to die.
I just simply want to be freed from this cruel world. But dying is the only way. Sometimes I feel like i dont deserve to say im suicidal because of this, but to ANYONE feeling this way: You are not alone.

Yea, sometimes I feel that one is kind of forced to want to die being here, but you're right it can be complicated. Since my teens I'm suicidal by nature, I cannot watch the world from high up or stand at a tube platform without feeling the urge to jump. I feel worthless when I think about those who love me and often think they'd be better without me/hating me. But I don't want to die, and I think I can't afford to do so. I'd destroy my family's life, for a first, and I can't do that. Idk, it's just what goes round my head all the time. Will I eventually do so? Probably. But I wish I'd escape from it somehow.

 

[Yaffle]

I'm usually in flux between wanting to die and not wanting to live. There's a huge difference between the two - either way we pretty much all just want this to end.

 

[cosmic_traveler]

plug me in to anywhere but here .. i want eternal nothingness rather than live here again

i've heard about that resting room for the soul in between life as well .. many ndes speak of it

Yeah, psychonauts call it the "waiting room". Who knows what the universe will cook up next.