Manic episodes makes me unstable. Killing myself would be safe and benefit everyone.

[OOUUneverover]

I'm not a good person. Not at all. I try to be but that doesn't change what I've already done. Killing myself would be an act of justice. It would be an act of safety, too. It's difficult to get over the survival instinct mental block, unless I'm in a manic episode. At that point I feel dissociated enough to make a move. But I rarely get them at a good time. People are usually around, I haven't finished writing a note, hell I haven't even decided which method I will use! (I'm leaning towards a gun though, I'm terrified of any other method leaving me alive with brain damage).

 

[looking4partner]

I'm not a good person. Not at all. I try to be but that doesn't change what I've already done. Killing myself would be an act of justice. It would be an act of safety, too. It's difficult to get over the survival instinct mental block, unless I'm in a manic episode. At that point I feel dissociated enough to make a move. But I rarely get them at a good time. People are usually around, I haven't finished writing a note, hell I haven't even decided which method I will use! (I'm leaning towards a gun though, I'm terrified of any other method leaving me alive with brain damage).

I'm terrified of the gun method leaving me alive with brain damage since there is also a possibility of that happening with this method :(

Especially with smaller sizes, lack of experience (which I am not able to practice anymore), and somewhat uncontrollable reactions such as flinching. And I think the brain damage caused by a fun would probably be worse than the brain damage caused by other methods most of the time

 

[itsgone2]

I'm terrified of the gun method leaving me alive with brain damage since there is also a possibility of that happening with this method :(

Especially with smaller sizes, lack of experience (which I am not able to practice anymore), and somewhat uncontrollable reactions such as flinching. And I think the brain damage caused by a fun would probably be worse than the brain damage caused by other methods most of the time

What are you thinking of doing if you don't mind sharing. I plan to fsh but I can't get past the SI. Plus my anchor point is a short walk. I'm pretty sure a gun would be better for when im feeling impulsive. I mean fsh also has brain damage risks so idk.

 

[looking4partner]

What are you thinking of doing if you don't mind sharing. I plan to fsh but I can't get past the SI. Plus my anchor point is a short walk. I'm pretty sure a gun would be better for when im feeling impulsive. I mean fsh also has brain damage risks so idk.

Semi-powerful handgun to chest (hopefully strong enough to penetrate heart or at least cause fast bleeding out) or head. But the type I got won't fit in my mouth because I didn't realize the size of it. May try behind ear if I can get past the fear of failures with that option.

Because I read that if you survive a higher/temple shot, you will become blind because of the optic nerve. And I already have developed a bunch of disabilities mid-life & am even more dependent on overly controlling people now who don't support or listen to me, that's why my passive ideation became active in the first place. And it also affects my coordination which makes me feel even more scared about accidentally failing due to complications from that aspect. And the population of each different group with my struggles have a higher rate of suicides. I am in multiple of those groups now and my life has become even harder and more difficult each year of my life.