i struggle grappling with how to live my last few months around people. i feel like spending time with them only harms them because its growing attachment rather than distance. the decision to ctb would be a positive experience if i didnt have these relationshps to answer to. family, friends, partner. instead, this decision is made stressful because of this.
i wish hiring a hitman was a real thing, because then it wouldnt be me hurting others with my death. basically wishing i could outsource my guilt.
wish i could make it look like an unintentional od but my track record is far too telling. i wish this decision came without the cost of hurting others. even thought my family have been bad to me, i still feel bad about this. ive distanced myself pretty well over the least few years but at the end of the day, its my family and there really is no way to significantly mitigate the amount of pain they are going to feel.
i wish hiring a hitman was a real thing, because then it wouldnt be me hurting others with my death. basically wishing i could outsource my guilt.
wish i could make it look like an unintentional od but my track record is far too telling. i wish this decision came without the cost of hurting others. even thought my family have been bad to me, i still feel bad about this. ive distanced myself pretty well over the least few years but at the end of the day, its my family and there really is no way to significantly mitigate the amount of pain they are going to feel.
