Help Making sure my parents get my money with as little hassle as possible

[timorousTruant]

Okay, so I'm a stupid 18 y/o with little to no knowledge on how life works, so apologies if this comes across as a very silly question.

I want my parents to get everything left in my bank account as soon as possible after I die. Should I just write my mother a check? I just worry that if I die with a check written out to anyone, they'll be investigated for murder or something even if I leave a note, and I would prefer to spare them the hassle. I assume even if I do nothing, my money will go to my parents eventually, right? I mean... who else would it go to?? Sorry if this is a stupid question, but could someone advise me on the best course of action to take in this regard?

 

[Pluto]

Laws on the topic of legal wills vary, but when I looked into it in my country (Australia), if no legal will is completed, the entire estate goes to next of kin. That could mean children, if applicable, parents (as in our respective cases), etc. It becomes messy if an estate gets challenged in court, or if there are different next-of-kin parties competing with one another.

For you or I, this shouldn't be a concern. You can clarify this by doing a search of estate laws in your area. I chose not to do a will because I do actually trust my family to pass my estate on for the benefit of my nieces/nephews.

Exit International suggests people completing a suicide write a note clarifying that the decision made was personal and not influenced by outside parties. This is to avoid allegations of manipulation or illegal assisted suicide.

Having said all that, 18 years old is very young and you seem to have better parents than most of us if you would want to leave your money to them. Can I ask what has happened leading up to this point? Are you open to learning more about how life works before making the decision to end it?

 

[donealready]

I, also understand very little about how the world works. It's my understanding that bank accounts can be frozen and inaccessible after a death. I thought about setting up a future transfers of funds or writing cheques, but realised this would not be possible. I've been withdrawing what little money i have from the bank and left cash in labelled envelopes. Will no formal, legal Will, the next of kin will receive it all. I think.

Also written almost word for word in my note about this decision being my own decision, no outside influences or parties involved. Great advice @Pluto.

 

[timorousTruant]

Laws on the topic of legal wills vary, but when I looked into it in my country (Australia), if no legal will is completed, the entire estate goes to next of kin. That could mean children, if applicable, parents (as in our respective cases), etc. It becomes messy if an estate gets challenged in court, or if there are different next-of-kin parties competing with one another.

For you or I, this shouldn't be a concern. You can clarify this by doing a search of estate laws in your area. I chose not to do a will because I do actually trust my family to pass my estate on for the benefit of my nieces/nephews.

Exit International suggests people completing a suicide write a note clarifying that the decision made was personal and not influenced by outside parties. This is to avoid allegations of manipulation or illegal assisted suicide.

Having said all that, 18 years old is very young and you seem to have better parents than most of us if you would want to leave your money to them. Can I ask what has happened leading up to this point? Are you open to learning more about how life works before making the decision to end it?

Thank you very much for your advice!

As for my decision to CTB, it's mostly due to a severe anxiety disorder. Acute fear accompanying anything to do with social interaction has sabotaged my ability to do just about every basic action associated with adulthood, so my future looks incredibly bleak. I can hardly leave my own home. I can't see myself ever being independent because I can't drive (living in a place with car-dependent infrastructure), I can't go places alone, I can't talk on the phone, etc.

I think if I had some hope of getting better, I would reconsider this decision much more thoroughly. But I've been in therapy for six years with multiple different therapists and psychiatrists, and have been on various medications, all of which haven't helped my condition improve. I've put in the work with exposure therapy, but my anxiety has only worsened with age regardless for reasons I'm not sure of. For reference, a few years ago, I was able to work the cash register for short periods at my job working for my dad, but now I can't anymore without having an attack. The anxiety has especially worsened in the last year or so. It's to the point that I feel unsafe in my own bedroom and frequently have delusions of being tracked/spied on/monitored, going so far as to destroy some of my electronics, tear up my things checking for imaginary cameras, and plug up small holes in my wall with putty because in the moment I think I'm being watched through them. For all the treatment I've undergone and effort I've put in, my situation is only worsening and it's only reasonable to assume at this point it will continue to do so.

I apologize for the long response. Thanks for your understanding.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Thank you very much for your advice!

As for my decision to CTB, it's mostly due to a severe anxiety disorder. Acute fear accompanying anything to do with social interaction has sabotaged my ability to do just about every basic action associated with adulthood, so my future looks incredibly bleak. I can hardly leave my own home. I can't see myself ever being independent because I can't drive (living in a place with car-dependent infrastructure), I can't go places alone, I can't talk on the phone, etc.

I think if I had some hope of getting better, I would reconsider this decision much more thoroughly. But I've been in therapy for six years with multiple different therapists and psychiatrists, and have been on various medications, all of which haven't helped my condition improve. I've put in the work with exposure therapy, but my anxiety has only worsened with age regardless for reasons I'm not sure of. For reference, a few years ago, I was able to work the cash register for short periods at my job working for my dad, but now I can't anymore without having an attack. The anxiety has especially worsened in the last year or so. It's to the point that I feel unsafe in my own bedroom and frequently have delusions of being tracked/spied on/monitored, going so far as to destroy some of my electronics, tear up my things checking for imaginary cameras, and plug up small holes in my wall with putty because in the moment I think I'm being watched through them. For all the treatment I've undergone and effort I've put in, my situation is only worsening and it's only reasonable to assume at this point it will continue to do so.

I apologize for the long response. Thanks for your understanding.

I can understand. Anxiety has demolished my life too. The average person takes it for granted that anxiety doesn't make ordinary things more difficult and having to manage feelings of anxiety in addition to whatever task you're occupied with represents a pretty big burden.

Anxiety is a very broad term though. Can you share a little more about how you'd anxiety manifests? Physical symptoms (heart rate, shortness of breath, tenseness, etc.)? Excessive worrying and rumination? Social anxiety, fear of people? Executive overload?

The delusions you say you have about being spied on are a separate matter and it's good that you can recognize them as such. I know it must be annoying to have them come up no matter how many times you rebut them.

 

[Pluto]

That sounds absolutely awful. I'm about to turn 42 and I have pretty terrible social anxiety too. I know what it's like and it's the main reason why I'm here.

You've done well to go through so much therapy. I always avoided it because I had trouble trusting professional until just recently. Have they given you any sort of diagnosis? It sounds a bit like schizophrenia but it's hard to say. Maybe someone here will have some helpful advice. I think we can all agree that it is no way to live and you should not have to put up with it. I hope that you can find answers.

 

[donealready]

In addition to @Pluto
Such symptoms / traits can be paranoid personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder... it's awful to experience. Obviously I'm no 'professional', just speak from experience. I can empathise.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I, also understand very little about how the world works. It's my understanding that bank accounts can be frozen and inaccessible after a death.

Yes. Unless they are joint accounts (like with a spouse), I think they get frozen until the estate is settled. HOWEVER, at least in the U.S., it is (or can be?) possible to designate a beneficiary for a bank account. This is a formal thing done thru the bank. If you do this the asset goes directly to the beneficiary without the account getting frozen and all that.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/banking/bank-account-beneficiary/

 

[outrider567]

Okay, so I'm a stupid 18 y/o with little to no knowledge on how life works, so apologies if this comes across as a very silly question.

I want my parents to get everything left in my bank account as soon as possible after I die. Should I just write my mother a check? I just worry that if I die with a check written out to anyone, they'll be investigated for murder or something even if I leave a note, and I would prefer to spare them the hassle. I assume even if I do nothing, my money will go to my parents eventually, right? I mean... who else would it go to?? Sorry if this is a stupid question, but could someone advise me on the best course of action to take in this regard?

Just put out a signed blank check for them

 

[Maudlin]

If it were me, I'd find a numismatist (coin shop) and convert my cash to gold or silver, then just leave it at their house where they will find it.

Or, take out an insurance policy with them as beneficiary.
A savage burn on an insurance company is like icing on a cake, to me.