Venting Making friends is impossible

[JoyLobo]

No matter what I try I can't make friends. I can make basic acquaintances but never real friends. I never become someone that anyone wants to talk to or hang out with. I can meet people but just the basic niceties is as far as it goes. I struggle to become closer to people and liked. I don't know why, I've tried to figure out what it is since middle school but I come up dry every time. And just doing what it takes to become and maintain these simple acquaintances is so much effort that it makes me feel like giving up on the idea of making or having friends. No one ever texts me first. No one ever wants to be around me. I'm just tolerated by the people that I somehow end up become acquainted with.

 

[Paranorm]

No matter what I try I can't make friends. I can make basic acquaintances but never real friends. I never become someone that anyone wants to talk to or hang out with. I can meet people but just the basic niceties is as far as it goes. I struggle to become closer to people and liked. I don't know why, I've tried to figure out what it is since middle school but I come up dry every time. And just doing what it takes to become and maintain these simple acquaintances is so much effort that it makes me feel like giving up on the idea of making or having friends. No one ever texts me first. No one ever wants to be around me. I'm just tolerated by the people that I somehow end up become acquainted with.

I relate to this a lot. I've had severe social anxiety disorder ever since I was a kid so making friends or any form of social interaction is difficult for me. The last time I had any real friends was back in high school. I try not to dwell on it but sometimes I think about how it used to feel like to have friends.

 

[Giizmo]

No matter what I try I can't make friends. I can make basic acquaintances but never real friends. I never become someone that anyone wants to talk to or hang out with. I can meet people but just the basic niceties is as far as it goes. I struggle to become closer to people and liked. I don't know why, I've tried to figure out what it is since middle school but I come up dry every time. And just doing what it takes to become and maintain these simple acquaintances is so much effort that it makes me feel like giving up on the idea of making or having friends. No one ever texts me first. No one ever wants to be around me. I'm just tolerated by the people that I somehow end up become acquainted with.

I don't know if you have tried this before but have you tried going to more social events/gatherings?

 

[Anon39]

No matter what I try I can't make friends. I can make basic acquaintances but never real friends. I never become someone that anyone wants to talk to or hang out with. I can meet people but just the basic niceties is as far as it goes. I struggle to become closer to people and liked. I don't know why, I've tried to figure out what it is since middle school but I come up dry every time. And just doing what it takes to become and maintain these simple acquaintances is so much effort that it makes me feel like giving up on the idea of making or having friends. No one ever texts me first. No one ever wants to be around me. I'm just tolerated by the people that I somehow end up become acquainted with.

I can relate to this, the last I remember I had a friends in the elementary school. after that, I can only make friends with an outcast like my self, idk what happened to my social skill. Until now, when I went to university I didn't feel like I had a connection with anyone, I could get to know someone and talk about things but when I met that person again they didn't even greet me.

 

[cosnidering_ctb]

I feel you.

 

[JoyLobo]

I don't know if you have tried this before but have you tried going to more social events/gatherings?

It's not so easy, I'm out of high school but not going to college because of my mental health situation. There's no way for me to meet people right now.

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

I get this so much. I didn't have friends after elementary school. I gained one in college but have now had to move away from her and I don't know how I'll survive

 

[BlazingBob]

I'm 50 and it's really tough to make friends especially at this age. Most people are busy with their families and are so busy just trying to survive. The only friends I have are buddies I made back when I was a kid but we rarely talk. Having physical and mental disabilities and dealing with chronic exhaustion doesn't help. I'm so lonely and isolated it's physically painful.

 

[BoxOfThoughts]

I feel the same. Im in my final year of highschool and I have no friends. I was thinking about this the other day. How crazy is it that every weekday I walk 15 mins to a campus with nearly 500 people there, stay there for nearly 6 hours out of the day, and then come home and still not have anyone to talk with? It gets to be pretty soul-crushing when that's how it's been for the last 4 years and everybody says to remember and cherish these years of my life.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

i've had no friends irl/online in the last 6 yrs. i'm 21, 22 in April. originally i didn't try so nothing changed, then i did try & still nothing changed, & it felt even worse bc i actually tried. just like u i can make buddies/work friends/be friendly w people, but they never bother trying to further the relationship, & after awhile it's v disheartening to always be the only 1 putting in any effort.

on the plus side, after the first year or 2 of isolation, you'll stop yearning for human connection. in my experience @ least.

 

[asteroidFren]

relatable, also happens that if you show signs of depression they slowly move away from you because they don't want to be "infected" with your negativity so you end up all alone

 

[miaumiau]

Same. Never had friends irl. For some time I've made a few internet friendships, but I ended up messing everything and distancing myself from everyone. My only online friendship that lasted is my now boyfriend, lol. I'm currently entering my second year in college, I have a group to make projects and everything, but I always feel different and so distant from everyone. I feel like being bullied throughout all middle/high school years just worsened some of those feelings. It sucks.

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

I had a few friends in grade school and even high school but once I was an adult? Nope. dults were - and still - are a mystery and the ultimate in selfishness. Kids can be incredibly cruel, and I was ostracized in every school I've been at by them. Yet I could find a 'tribe' in grade school - the 'Suicide Club' we had with 3 of us. And high school, similarly finding other folks who weren't super close, but we had an official sense of community, the tribe, the same familiar faces. All the freaks, basically - punks, goths, skaters, ravers, anyone who said fuck you to the mainstream. We would get stoned and drunk, but I had community. I had a sense of outcasts who knew we were different, but were there for one another, even if it was just to bum a cigarette or share records, or bring drinks to a house party, or share clothes, or dance on the sofas while we blared music. We didn't fit in with the world, but we fit in with each other. That was the best.

I haven't had that since - I have tried, but somehow the open mindedness kids and teens had in some way has completely evaporated with the meanness of adults. I have realized over time the 'friends' I though I had as an adult aren't - they're acquaintances at best. I poured my heart into people grow bored of me or are angry I'm sensitive.

That's fine - I don't need them and they won't even know I'm gone. It's better that way. I'll return to a calmer place, and maybe it will be the calmness I felt in that house party with the beers, where i had a tribe.