Making a positive attempt for once.

[party?]

I always run away from the option of recovery because i just don't see the point in living, not just from the pov of a depressed soul but just in general. I will never get why life exists, what's the point. I never chose to be here and its hard so i just want a way out. Maybe I'm still a bit terrified of dying with regrets so i might as well try my best again and if nothing works out, at least i knew i tried.

Its hard for me to even start because just the mere thought of getting better makes me so angry. I try, i fail, i try, i fail. Whenever people advise me to be happier, i know its from the kindness of their hearts but its also such a tight slap to the face and almost makes me feel like I'm just faking everything given how easy they make getting better sound.
But let's try one of more time. Maybe things do get better and I'm just too attached to self wallowing.

Don't quite know how or where to start. I'm paying more attention to hygiene and trying to regulate my anger issues. Some say positive affirmation work ( I tried but it just made me cry. Still have no idea why) so imma give that a shot again. Will try getting a psychiatrist's help for my neurotic thoughts ( though as said in my previous post, i think I'm getting a grip over them for now) and my extreme mood swings. I have some goals i wanna achieve, well only one for now, I wanna be a teacher.

I usually don't feel motivated at all for anything so this is a surprise for me.

<3

 

[foggyskies_]

I'm really proud of you. Things really can get better, and if they get worse again, this proves you have the strength to get back up from those lows if you so desire. Even if it takes a while.

Life may not have meaning, but we're all gonna die anyway, so might as well squeeze as many good memories as you possibly can before you kick the bucket, right?

You'll be a great teacher someday.

 

[party?]

but we're all gonna die anyway, so might as well squeeze as many good memories as you possibly can before you kick the bucket, right?

I try telling myself that often. The only downside being that i have no idea how to get these good moments to remember. I have such a hard time being positive about anything. Maybe that's something to work on.