Venting made it through another therapy session

[tinyghost]

ive been planning my death since my last attempt in august. of course i havent told anyone about this, including my therapist. every week i think a lot about telling her. i imagine what i would say. every week i am closer to actually doing it, my plan solidifies, and i want to talk about it. my therapist is the only person in my life i actually talk to. its hard to keep it from her but i know she will hospitalize me (she has done it before). i wish i could just talk about it because its really what i need to talk about, and how i feel that makes me want to kill myself, but it will definitely put a halt to my plans. my husband also asks me regularly if im thinking of offing myself again. i always tell him no. does anyone else struggle with lying to ppl close to them?

 

[StaringIntoAnAbyss]

Damn I feel you. I've also told my therapist I had plans the day before I would end it, My parents got called and the shit show started. I lucky have a close friend that now accepts that i want to leave and he doesn't talk so I'm very fortunate but in your case I can imagine it's absolutely terrible. Sometimes I think about what would happen if I told my therapist like "if I would tell you everything you would have to hospitalise/lock me up" to get around the law that they need to follow but I'm very skeptical that this would work and this all to let them know I'm actually just faking my wellbeing. but i don't know about the law in your country so i don't think I can give you advise :(. My dms are open if you need to vent or just someone to talk to. Much love

 

[penguinl0v3s]

I'm naturally an open person that tells everyone everything, so yes.

 

[tinyghost]

Damn I feel you. I've also told my therapist I had plans the day before I would end it, My parents got called and the shit show started. I lucky have a close friend that now accepts that i want to leave and he doesn't talk so I'm very fortunate but in your case I can imagine it's absolutely terrible. Sometimes I think about what would happen if I told my therapist like "if I would tell you everything you would have to hospitalise/lock me up" to get around the law that they need to follow but I'm very skeptical that this would work and this all to let them know I'm actually just faking my wellbeing. but i don't know about the law in your country so i don't think I can give you advise :(. My dms are open if you need to vent or just someone to talk to. Much love

im in the us. ive been 5150ed three times :( its become very hard to trust anyone. ive been hospitalized when i wasnt even suicidal, just psychotic. it seems that they are quite trigger happy, so i feel quite restricted about what i can discuss which kind of defeats the point of therapy. im always having to find other things to focus on and its not actually helping. im glad you have a friend like that

 

[F@#$]

ive been planning my death since my last attempt in august. of course i havent told anyone about this, including my therapist. every week i think a lot about telling her. i imagine what i would say. every week i am closer to actually doing it, my plan solidifies, and i want to talk about it. my therapist is the only person in my life i actually talk to. its hard to keep it from her but i know she will hospitalize me (she has done it before). i wish i could just talk about it because its really what i need to talk about, and how i feel that makes me want to kill myself, but it will definitely put a halt to my plans. my husband also asks me regularly if im thinking of offing myself again. i always tell him no. does anyone else struggle with lying to ppl close to them?

I don't struggle with it I just lie fuck it.

 

[tinyghost]

I don't struggle with it I just lie fuck it.

fuvk it we ball

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I'm so sorry that you are going through that. I've had similar experiences with therapists; I held back from talking about what's truly on my mind, out of fear of hospitalization. It's difficult to be open to anyone irl about these subjects -- the advice always leads back to therapy and hospitalization. I used to talk to my boyfriend more openly about my thoughts of self-harm (never my suicidality though.) I stopped when the conversations shifted away from just finding comfort in my support system, to getting professional help. The world is so isolating, and ironically enough, the advice of professional help has only made me feel more alienated. I am a very open person with my friends, yet these are the conversations I cannot have. The only place I can have these conversations is on this forum.

 

[tinyghost]

I'm so sorry that you are going through that. I've had similar experiences with therapists; I held back from talking about what's truly on my mind, out of fear of hospitalization. It's difficult to be open to anyone irl about these subjects -- the advice always leads back to therapy and hospitalization. I used to talk to my boyfriend more openly about my thoughts of self-harm (never my suicidality though.) I stopped when the conversations shifted away from just finding comfort in my support system, to getting professional help. The world is so isolating, and ironically enough, the advice of professional help has only made me feel more alienated. I am a very open person with my friends, yet these are the conversations I cannot have. The only place I can have these conversations is on this forum.

yes, this forum has provided a place to freely speak that nowhere else has. i really appreciate that about it. ive always been a very closed off person, therapy is the only place i open up. i feel so grateful to even have a chance at free therapy so i really try at it. i think it helps but its limited because i cant always say what i actually what to say.