AbsurdAbyss
Lost, broken, empty, fragmented.
- Mar 4, 2024
- 51
Why am I here, I don't want to be here, I wish I could disappear, end this pain, end it now, this instant, at will. I say how I feel, then I see someone else say the exact same thing but differently, then I see a whole lot of people say loads of different things in the same way and everything seems to make sense in its own way but also doesn't. A never ending cycle that works well in "keeping life simple" - wake up, pick a lie that keeps you going, work your day, cope with the consequences, sleep, repeat. Was everything always so unreasonably complicated, or is it just us, in the now? Doesn't matter, does it - its happened and there's no escaping it. Life hurts me and I cope, then regret it. Death comforts me, calls out to me, pushes me to the edge, to let go, I try and I fail, then regret that too. I don't want to feel this way, I don't want to be this "hypocrite" anymore, but everything I do brings me right back to where I started, as if nothing happened, but knowing otherwise makes me feel infinitely worse. This world, these "normal" people I see going about living their noisy, futile lies, so blissfully ignorant of the darkness, the cruelty that surrounds them, the ghosts that haunt them, the end that awaits them in silence, make me feel sick and tired of being myself. I realize life was never about the "truth" - its all about the lies that keep you and everybody around you sane; far, far away from fully experiencing this bitter, undeniable truth - everything ends, nothing lasts. "The next time you fall, stay down, don't get back up - you'll never get the message if you do." said a dying man, as I saw him fade away. Now I see what he meant, and I regret it.
