Lavínia
plalace
- Feb 19, 2024
- 137
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
My eyes itch. My nose burns. In my fingertips, in my knuckles, knees, in the tips of my toes, I feel a strange tingling.
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
I dig up your memories like crazy. I tried, I tried to live without you. I tried, I tried so hard to live without you. I tried to die without you, I couldn't. And as I dig, I dig deeper, I hear more croaking in my ears. I hear more of the sound of your lips as I read texts you once sent. You told me. You told me.
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
A year searching for meaning. Searching for the essence of it, trying to understand what it means. Did I matter? Did I matter at all? The sacrifices, all the blood I coagulated into mythomaniacal paintings, all those laughs that look at me indifferently after a bad sentence, did they serve any purpose? What did you mean?
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
Why did you say that? Why did you use ellipses? Does that have grammatical weight? What does it mean to be slow? Do I understand you more? Can I follow the sinister way you see everything? The five years I threw away from my life, the ones I used to understand and give everything to you. The uninterrupted construction of shaping myself and learning to live just to be able to help you, made me understand you more than other people?
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
What does that mean? I want so much to understand.
I tried so hard. My passions—poetry, books, history, cinema, music—are losing their scent; only a dry sense remains. I can't smell anything anymore. Nothing smells, nothing is alive. Where do I run, where/who do I go? I want to feel the anxiety and fear your presence caused me.
I want to feel that, even though I was never loved by you, I'm still wanted, you still want to talk to me.
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
Did I matter?
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
My eyes itch. My nose burns. In my fingertips, in my knuckles, knees, in the tips of my toes, I feel a strange tingling.
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
I dig up your memories like crazy. I tried, I tried to live without you. I tried, I tried so hard to live without you. I tried to die without you, I couldn't. And as I dig, I dig deeper, I hear more croaking in my ears. I hear more of the sound of your lips as I read texts you once sent. You told me. You told me.
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
A year searching for meaning. Searching for the essence of it, trying to understand what it means. Did I matter? Did I matter at all? The sacrifices, all the blood I coagulated into mythomaniacal paintings, all those laughs that look at me indifferently after a bad sentence, did they serve any purpose? What did you mean?
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
Why did you say that? Why did you use ellipses? Does that have grammatical weight? What does it mean to be slow? Do I understand you more? Can I follow the sinister way you see everything? The five years I threw away from my life, the ones I used to understand and give everything to you. The uninterrupted construction of shaping myself and learning to live just to be able to help you, made me understand you more than other people?
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
What does that mean? I want so much to understand.
I tried so hard. My passions—poetry, books, history, cinema, music—are losing their scent; only a dry sense remains. I can't smell anything anymore. Nothing smells, nothing is alive. Where do I run, where/who do I go? I want to feel the anxiety and fear your presence caused me.
I want to feel that, even though I was never loved by you, I'm still wanted, you still want to talk to me.
"And after you disappeared, I realized how...slow everyone is."
Did I matter?
