anopenwound
I̸'̷m̵ ̸g̶o̷i̶n̵g̷ ̶h̵o̶m̶e̶.̵
- Jul 27, 2024
- 88
My therapist keeps on telling me that grief is a part of love but god, this grief, this is something that goes far beyond manageable. I don't get to feel the levity of it, I don't get to spontaneously and easily lean on someone, I don't get to just have butterflies in my stomach. I'm too much for anybody to handle. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want this either.
I can't do love, I will never have love. It's a prison. Feeling it for others makes me feel trapped. Others can't have it for me 'cause I always find a way to turn it into dust. I terrorize my friends. I traumatize whoever is unfortunate enough to have me in their life.
I don't want it. I need it, but I don't want it. I don't want life. This isn't even much of a life anyway. There's no point.
I will never have love.
I can't do love, I will never have love. It's a prison. Feeling it for others makes me feel trapped. Others can't have it for me 'cause I always find a way to turn it into dust. I terrorize my friends. I traumatize whoever is unfortunate enough to have me in their life.
I don't want it. I need it, but I don't want it. I don't want life. This isn't even much of a life anyway. There's no point.
I will never have love.