7thundercloud
Member
- Apr 2, 2023
- 28
I really long to feel love. I was in a relationship for three years, and I've talked about it with my mom. She told me she thinks that I wasn't in love, and just had an attachment. I sat and thought to myself, maybe I have never been in love. I mean, I really liked my ex and I cared about her. But I guess she wasn't always on my mind 24/7. The things I hear about love, don't sound like how I felt in that relationship. It honestly felt like a chore, loving her, especially with how bad her mental issues were. Every dark thought and idea she had, she threw it onto me. It got too much to the point I started making the conversation about myself, then we just went back and forth arguing. It was nearly every day. She would always find a way to criticize the things I like, always would stop talking to me and ignore me out of the blue. Told me she hated me. I think I was just attached to the little bit of love she gave to me. I want to fall in love one day, but I don't know if I'll make it. "Love comes when you stop searching for it". I've never really searched for love, and I always felt ugly and socially awkward (I am). Maybe I won't ever experience it, I guess that's okay. I'm afraid I'll be like my ex anyway.