I'm afraid I've finally lost everyone in my life, the point where nobody would care if I disappeared.
Even the person that knows the most about me makes it seem as if I have already died, I am a literal ghost.
I know my parents love me and that I still have a lot of things to do and see but I can't think of anything else other than suicide.
In all honesty, what would you do if you knew you lost every person that you were close to and could count on?
Honestly, fuck other people. I know how it sounds, but for me personally I was actually happy, enlightened, blissful, euphoric when I was going through life on my own, but still able reach out to people if I needed. The problem is I eventually burned all the bridges, when I should've just pushed the people away without burning them. We are social creatures but periods of being alone and enjoying it are very under valued in this society, it can lead to a level of self love and exploration like no other and in many ways I think it's the point of life, to be alone. I'm sure many would disagree but we are fundamentally alone, the better you get at adapting to this and loving it then the better your life will be. The problem is making mistakes and going off the deep end becomes much easier alone, so it takes a very strong mind and a smart one to do it for extended periods of time. Really, if your parents don't hate you then you have it better than most people I'd say. You can always meet new people you just need to get involved in things no matter how hard it seems, it's usually not as bad as you think to get out there and be social, no ones perfect. The more comfortable with who you are the better chance you'll have at attracting people and making friends, this doesn't mean you have to be some talented incredibly interested person, but people don't want to be around people who hate themselves and who seem desparate thats just the harsh reality, trust me I know because I've been that person and I've also pushed away those types of people. If you develop a solid baseline and state of mind completely alone and by yourself, I think you have a huge advantage in life. That's not to say to become a recluse and cut everyone off, but try and enjoy the alone time. We're not meant to ALWAYS be around others showing off and competing and socializing, there is a certain beauty to being alone, and paradoxically the more you love being alone and love yourself the more others will become seriously attracted and interested in you, it's kind of a sick joke.