And yep, finding the right partner can be kind of rough. You never know what the other person real intentions are.
Yes, it is incredibly hard. I can at least say I don't think he was from this site. It was someone who responded to an old Forum Jar post I made.
I think he was struggling with drug addiction, sent me fake pictures, and was trying to set me up to exchange me for drugs with a local gang so he could either pay a drug debt, get drugs, or money in exchange for me-
if I had actually traveled to meet him.
In the pictures he sent he was very fair skinned, blue eyes, chubby, with curly hair. He didn't necessarily look like a gang member or scary. He didn't tell me about his history with addicition until later on. So, I didn't know about it when we first started speaking.
This guy was so messed up on drugs or just naturally crazy he ended up sending text saying he was "
going to meet with a gang he knew" before I came down for "
unfinished bussiness" and to "
discuss some things"...
What?!..
.."Then he would send for me to come down to meet him at a hotel" where we were set to (ctb).
He admitted to having a history of drug abuse but claimed he was sober. I beg the differ. He would keep repeating the same thing multiple times as if he was zoned out. I would tell him "You just asked me that". He would say "okay". Then a few text later or seconds later on the phone ask the same question again as if he hadn't just asked it. He seemed dazed and disoriented like he was on drugs. Sometimes he was clear minded but other times he was clearly...idk, something was off about him.
The way he spoke and acted made me feel uncomfortable. He was struggling financially with a potential lingering drug habit. Having grew up exposed to street culture and having lived through some sht I pick up on things most wouldn't. If I already wanted to die maybe he thought I didn't care about my life so why should he. In an attempt to justify whatever savage thing he was going to do. I have heard stories of women being set up to be raped and brutally murdered. There are predators online.
A lot of people (predators) feel disdain for us because they think since we feel suicidal we have given up on life. They know we are a vulnerable population and predators will say all the right things, use our lingo code switching, to fit right in and make us feel at ease just enough to get us in a situation where it may be hard to back out of.
Like if I had met him. He could have brought or had hiding other people hiding in the hotel. What could I have done? I would have been in another state, unfamiliar territory, outnumbered, without a weapon or way to protect myself. This guy boasted of a gun collection. He sent pictures. Kept asking if he could "set me on fire" after he stabbed me. I kept telling him emphatically, no. Whatever this guy was planning he had boundary issues to say the least.
How do you go from telling me you are a depressed 35yr old divorced who lost custody of his kid and is depressed to "I am a drug addict" "I am going to visit a gang before you arrive" (no context provided) "I enjoy watching blood drip from stab wound".
...Do you see the parallels? The spectrum from his starting storyline to where it ended? He wanted so bad to appear normal and tried to say all the things he thought I wanted to hear related to (cbt) but he couldn't hide his inner demons. They kept poking up and rearing their ugly head. He tried though to manipulate me. If I wasn't paying careful attention I would have missed so much. If I was naive I would have believed him whenever he tried to save face when I called something out that he had said that was odd or contradictory.
Even if it wasn't to use me related to his drug addicition or money problems he scared me. He would talk about "
sticking a knife in flesh" and "
watching it bleed" and talk about gory stuff opposed to suicidal stuff. His focus was more on causing death and enjoying it than wanting to (cbt) even though he vehemently denied it.
I often, in a humorous way, would think to myself, "This mf is crazy as sht" (in funny voice in my head). I would laugh to myself but not because it was funny but he just seemed so freaking crazy or wacky. It was more of a nervous response to some of the stuff he would say at random that would make me feel taken aback.
I would think, "Are you really going to meet up with him? Don't be stupid."
I have searched for a partner for so long a part of me wanted to be in denial about the red flags and just hope he was authentic but deep down in my gut I knew something was off about him and that I shouldn't meet up with him. I was so close to finding someone so didn't want to feel the let down of accepting this wasn't going to work out.
He acted normal at first. Even showed me pictures of a child supposedly his son. Told me of an ex-wife who was keeping him from his son. I think to try to normalize himself. It could have been fake pictures for all I know and a fake storyline to get me to become unguarded. Hence, he is a "dad" so "safe".
He kept trying to appear like one of us but as the days passed his behavior and texts became increasingly sporadic and some were just downright scary. I even questioned him a few times if he was "
okay" or just contacting me because he was "
obsessed with death and murder". He would apologize for whatever he had said that alarmed me and chalk it up to him "
just wanting to go really bad" but some of the stuff he would say was morbid.
It is to much to explain how and why I have drawn these conclusions but some of the stuff he eventually plainly confessed and/or alluded to. Leading up to us actually finally meeting he started to act very strange sending alarming text that raised red flags.
Besides those things I had already caught him in multiple lies. I will give everyone a chance but I am not a dummy; I wasn't born yesterday. This guy was not like us.
He had ulterior motives that became glaringly obvious towards the end.
He was obsessed with death and violence. Which is different than being one of wanting to simply (cbt).
He seemed like one of us at first. Some people think because we already want to die that gives them justification to take advantage of us in some twisted ways.
They search sites like Forum Jar and chat rooms looking for vulnerable people to prey on. They have no desire to partake of our circumstance.
Which is why I am grateful to be back on here where I feel like the staff vet people and monitor the site to keep it as safe as they can within their ability. Unfortunately, you can't delete old post on Forum Jar but I wish I could. Especially after what happened to me.
