Save_Me_Mind
Member
- Sep 15, 2023
- 57
Back here after so long just to return for the same reasons as always.
Unwanted, loser, whatever the fuck, I don't care anymore. I try, yet that's not enough. You see others in need of help and put yourself out there, help them, be there for them, whatever they need (obviously not like a servant, still keeping boundaries), yet 2 weeks later they go back to, "There is no one there for me" after I put in the work to help- well fuck. I guess my help isn't needed. Too much of a piece of shit to get anything right. So what, fuck society and social relationships right? Slave away at work, studies, whatever nought just to end up the same. Yeah, that same damn advice everyone preaches, you listen and follow it, yet you end up feeling the same even if others call you... "successful".... no, fuck that. If I can't even feel happy- no I haven't felt happy or anything for years. I have anhedonia, there's no success in that. Fuck.
I don't even want to stop typing because this is the one place I can be ME, that's right ME, not the me they all perceive. What even is Love anymore, I mean I've been through it, felt it, he felt it as well, just to become afraid, so what does that mean. I'm just this scary person now because of Love? I displayed Love and that made you afraid? Well fuck, either I'm sick in the head or everyone is a butterfly. Just stab me and we can call it even my Love. While I'd like to say, "Is there anyone out there who would love me?" I know that answer already, I'm far to different for that to work. I've been ill since I was born, I will die that way. Who's to blame, society, parents, genetics, or myself. The answer to that does not matter for I am me now and that will not change. I'm psychotic, sociopathic, whatever. Call me what you like.
Idfk anymore, whoever decided to read this rant of a 20 year old loser, I appreciate you. If anyone has any good methods of CTB (preferably anything drug related), please let me know. Yeah, that was lazy of me to say that. Sorry.
Unwanted, loser, whatever the fuck, I don't care anymore. I try, yet that's not enough. You see others in need of help and put yourself out there, help them, be there for them, whatever they need (obviously not like a servant, still keeping boundaries), yet 2 weeks later they go back to, "There is no one there for me" after I put in the work to help- well fuck. I guess my help isn't needed. Too much of a piece of shit to get anything right. So what, fuck society and social relationships right? Slave away at work, studies, whatever nought just to end up the same. Yeah, that same damn advice everyone preaches, you listen and follow it, yet you end up feeling the same even if others call you... "successful".... no, fuck that. If I can't even feel happy- no I haven't felt happy or anything for years. I have anhedonia, there's no success in that. Fuck.
I don't even want to stop typing because this is the one place I can be ME, that's right ME, not the me they all perceive. What even is Love anymore, I mean I've been through it, felt it, he felt it as well, just to become afraid, so what does that mean. I'm just this scary person now because of Love? I displayed Love and that made you afraid? Well fuck, either I'm sick in the head or everyone is a butterfly. Just stab me and we can call it even my Love. While I'd like to say, "Is there anyone out there who would love me?" I know that answer already, I'm far to different for that to work. I've been ill since I was born, I will die that way. Who's to blame, society, parents, genetics, or myself. The answer to that does not matter for I am me now and that will not change. I'm psychotic, sociopathic, whatever. Call me what you like.
Idfk anymore, whoever decided to read this rant of a 20 year old loser, I appreciate you. If anyone has any good methods of CTB (preferably anything drug related), please let me know. Yeah, that was lazy of me to say that. Sorry.
