Venting Losing the fight

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I didn't have a good day and I was thinking of writing a venting post on my way home. Then it happened.

I went just fast enough to get a ticket in the mail in the next weeks.
When I noticed that camera and looked at my speed I snapped. I started hysterically crying and screaming. I've never had such a mental breakdown. I can't believe that I'm such a failure. It's just too much.

I already felt like crap because of all the regrets that I just can't let go and low self-esteem. I really fail at everything. I'm not cut out for this life.

I hate that I had to be born. I hate everything. The one thing I hate the most is myself.
I just want to take out the trash.

I'm still sitting in the car while writing this. I want to disappear from here.

 

[sighingspider]

We are all here for you...
You don't fail at everything. You just remebered the things that you failed in. We all do.
It happens to all of us when we have that mental break down.
You are not alone, you will never be when you have us.
Imagine me giving you a vitrual hg right now to cheer you up...

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

We are all here for you...
You don't fail at everything. You just remebered the things that you failed in. We all do.
It happens to all of us when we have that mental break down.
You are not alone, you will never be when you have us.
Imagine me giving you a vitrual hg right now to cheer you up...

Thank you very much.
I can't really think straight right now that's for sure. At least while I'm in the car I don't have access to any method.

 

[whywere]

I wish I was there to give you a HUGE HUG!!!! All the empathy, love and caring that I have in the fiber of my being goes out to you right here and now!!!!!!!!!! I have had speeding tickets before myself and it always unnerved me also. My heart is breaking right now for you and I am crying as I write this, thinking of you and wishing I could be there to help make it all better. you always have all of us, your global family here, in your corner and I will be thinking of you for the rest of this day and beyond. You HAVE ALL THE LOVE, CARING AND EMPATHY that I have to help. WE ARE ALL ONE HUGE FAMILY!!!!

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I wish I was there to give you a HUGE HUG!!!! All the empathy, love and caring that I have in the fiber of my being goes out to you right here and now!!!!!!!!!! I have had speeding tickets before myself and it always unnerved me also. My heart is breaking right now for you and I am crying as I write this, thinking of you and wishing I could be there to help make it all better. you always have all of us, your global family here, in your corner and I will be thinking of you for the rest of this day and beyond. You HAVE ALL THE LOVE, CARING AND EMPATHY that I have to help. WE ARE ALL ONE HUGE FAMILY!!!!

Wow I can't even find the words to respond properly. All your replies have such a positive energy around them. You are really kind, thank you, it means a lot to me.

 

[whywere]

Wow I can't even find the words to respond properly. All your replies have such a positive energy around them. You are really kind, thank you, it means a lot to me.

THANK YOU for the really nice response. I 100% mean it when I say ALL THE LOVE, CARING AND EMPATHY in my being goes out to you right now. I am all by myself, no family, friends, EXCEPT EVERYONE HERE. YOU are the best period!!! You are part of our huge family here and I am so happy to be able to call you family....LOVE IT!!!

 

[goodbyebunny]

Hi MiseryLovesCompany. You're not alone. You're cherished here. I think a lot of us wish to see you keep fighting on, even though it's hard for you, and you don't see a reason yet or an end goal. Hang in there if you can, hugs.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I am sorry this happened to you. I wish they would take out all the cameras. They cause me so much fear when I see them. I'm afraid I might do something wrong and get a ticket.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Hi MiseryLovesCompany. You're not alone. You're cherished here. I think a lot of us wish to see you keep fighting on, even though it's hard for you, and you don't see a reason yet or an end goal. Hang in there if you can, hugs.

Thank you, though I can't promise anything as of now. I'm glad that at least here I'm welcomed. I wonder how many venting posts could change that lol.

I am sorry this happened to you. I wish they would take out all the cameras. They cause me so much fear when I see them. I'm afraid I might do something wrong and get a ticket.

Thank you, the fixed cams are one thing as I can be prepared for them, but these mobile ones that the police randomly hide are another thing.

 

[Ghost2211]

That sounds frustrating. Sending you many hugs and snacks. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

That sounds frustrating. Sending you many hugs and snacks. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Thank you
I'll have opportunity for two things tomorrow. Try to finish a lot of stuff I postponed or CTB. I'll see which one in the morning. This reminds me of that Camus quote.
"Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"

 

[sadworld]

Tomorrow is another day... I hope everything goes well for you ...

 

[fluffymuffin]

We all make mistakes! I know people who still get speed tickets even though they're careful. You're only human after all, so don't punish yourself for messing things up.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Tomorrow is another day... I hope everything goes well for you ...

We all make mistakes! I know people who still get speed tickets even though they're careful. You're only human after all, so don't punish yourself for messing things up.

Thank you guys.

A bit of an update, it's technically tomorrow now. I just woke up and saw that one of my "friend" posted a pic of a gathering after telling me that there won't be anything this weekend. At least don't fucking post a picture in a group where I can clearly see that you are a damn liar.

You may ask why I'm still "friends" with them. Coincidentally, I happen to have no one else apart from a very few people. Honestly, I haven't heard such kind words from anyone in real life in a long time that you wrote.

Many times in the past the only one who seemed to truly care about me was my girlfriend. I haven't really talked with anyone else regularly. Certainly not daily, but there were months when not many seemed to care.

Now that I've lost her the pain is amplified from everything. I don't understand why this had to happen. I guess I was meant to suffer. I don't consider myself a good human so I guess I deserve everything that seems to come at me at once nowadays.

I gain most of the power to get through another day from the memories of my relationship. It hurts that she is no more as she was the most important person in my life, we went through so much together. This whole situation pretty paradox huh, but I don't have anything to look forward to in the future. Everything just terrifies me about it.

I could get prescribed meds that sooner or later make me loose the ability to care about things. Do I want a life like that? I wouldn't function that way either. I mean from society's point of view surely, somewhat.

This is starting to become another venting thread, but that's all for now. I'll try to sleep a bit more. Statistically I won't have much success though.

 

[sadworld]

Thank you guys.

A bit of an update, it's technically tomorrow now. I just woke up and saw that one of my "friend" posted a pic of a gathering after telling me that there won't be anything this weekend. At least don't fucking post a picture in a group where I can clearly see that you are a damn liar.

You may ask why I'm still "friends" with them. Coincidentally, I happen to have no one else apart from a very few people. Honestly, I haven't heard such kind words from anyone in real life in a long time that you wrote.

Many times in the past the only one who seemed to truly care about me was my girlfriend. I haven't really talked with anyone else regularly. Certainly not daily, but there were months when not many seemed to care.

Now that I've lost her the pain is amplified from everything. I don't understand why this had to happen. I guess I was meant to suffer. I don't consider myself a good human so I guess I deserve everything that seems to come at me at once nowadays.

I gain most of the power to get through another day from the memories of my relationship. It hurts that she is no more as she was the most important person in my life, we went through so much together. This whole situation pretty paradox huh, but I don't have anything to look forward to in the future. Everything just terrifies me about it.

I could get prescribed meds that sooner or later make me loose the ability to care about things. Do I want a life like that? I wouldn't function that way either. I mean from society's point of view surely, somewhat.

This is starting to become another venting thread, but that's all for now. I'll try to sleep a bit more. Statistically I won't have much success though.

I also just had a few friends and I considered them "best friends". But a few years ago all of them left me just because my bullies set up some stupid rumors about me that weren't even true but they believed them... I never tried to get any new friends after that... If my plans work then I'll ctb in less than 24 hours anyway, so none of that matters.

 

[Sherri]

It's just a speeding ticket, if it helps there's an app called waze, you should have it on when you drive, prevented me from many tickets myself. That app lets you know if u going too fast that there's a speed camera and gives you time to slow down.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

I also just had a few friends and I considered them "best friends". But a few years ago all of them left me just because my bullies set up some stupid rumors about me that weren't even true but they believed them... I never tried to get any new friends after that... If my plans work then I'll ctb in less than 24 hours anyway, so none of that matters.

I hate these rumors, they were going around about me as well. Those aren't really friends then, I have yet to find those and probably won't either.

It's just getting increasingly hard to trust anyone after experiencing these things. I'm sorry that you were in such a situation.

I hope that things will work out for you, but you can always come back if something goes wrong. I won't be able to ctb for a while but as of now there's a good chance I'll follow you soon. I'm just a bit afraid and still have trouble grasping the fact that I won't exist and this is the end of the line for me.

It's just a speeding ticket, if it helps there's an app called waze, you should have it on when you drive, prevented me from many tickets myself. That app lets you know if u going too fast that there's a speed camera and gives you time to slow down.

I installed that once and somehow I lost gps signal completely. I had to uninstall it and restart my phone to be able to use google maps. That shows cams as well, but I didn't use it as I was driving on a familiar route.

 

[AJ95]

It's okay

It's okay to lose.

It's so brave of you to have tried your best, but it's okay to admit defeat too.

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

It's okay

It's okay to lose.

It's so brave of you to have tried your best, but it's okay to admit defeat too.

Thank you, it's really comforting.
I'm still debating with myself, but I'm sure that at least I'll try a pill of meto soon to see the side effects.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Life is kinda overpowered like how are we supposed to fight this thing it's too strong

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Life is kinda overpowered like how are we supposed to fight this thing it's too strong

Yeah, Dark Souls depicts life pretty well.
Sometimes I wonder why am I even fighting, I can't avoid death no matter what I do, just postpone the inevitable. What a joke this life is.