Venting losing hobbies/interests after ctb

[icecrunch]

i've already accepted that i'll ctb in a couple of months or when the year ends if i'm lucky enough, however i still have my hesitations and one of them is forgetting or losing my favorite interests or hobbies and friends too, when i engage in said hobbies and interact with my friends it's the only way i can feel at peace and somewhat happiness despite it being difficult to enjoy them anymore because of my current conditions. i hate the fact that i went from engaging in them just for fun to engaging in them for escapism and now to calm myself down about my upcoming decision. when i ctb my main hope is to reincarnate into a better life and somehow connect with my friends and interests again because big a big part of why i'm going through all this is because i wanna disconnect my soul from this body and this life and everything about it, i'm not nihilistic or anything i believe that earth is a really nice place a lot of the time while also acknowledging the fucked up aspects of it and the human trash that lives in it. that's why stuff like envy is *killing* me i just want to live in a better environemnt. but we all know that reincarnation is just a mere possibility and things are not gonna go my way just because i want them to but i'm very much willing to risk it lol
i'm not really content with the other possibilites like pitch black nonexistance is terrifying to me, even if the concept of hell and heaven was real i wouldn't even want to go to heaven because i wanna be on *earth* not somewhere i'm completely unfamiliar with weird mindset ik. the whole idea of it just seems overwhelming and so is the idea of death, i'm not looking forward to death or pain at all i don't even have a proper method yet i'm only looking forward to what comes after it. no matter which one of these possibilites is the true one i want there to be atleast somewhere i can enjoy my hobbies and interests in peace and see my friends again, ik it's a childish thought but i'll keep hoping for it anyway. even if none of it happens i'm gonna ctb anyway because it's the only way to escape this life

 

[locked*n*loaded]

like pitch black nonexistance is terrifying to me

But your consciousness of it should cease to exist upon death. That may not be your belief, but it is mine.

 

[icecrunch]

But your consciousness of it should cease to exist upon death. That may not be your belief, but it is mine.

true, i also thought of it like that and it still seems unpleasant but ig i won't be able to think about how unpleasant it is since my consciouness is nonexistent lol
i personally think life will always go on after death

 

[CTB Dream]

Know how feel love play game etc, this life wrng cncpt even if stay time move make simil end. Vry sry cruel life want enjoy also sffr

 

[Darkover]

just curious to know what are your hobbies/interests, i love to program, maths, science, physics,electronics

 

[icecrunch]

just curious to know what are your hobbies/interests, i love to program, maths, science, physics,electronics

it's just basic stuff but it means a lot to me lol like video games, cartoons, music, art, and i love watching baking/cooking videos n some other similar stuff
programming is real cool but too complicated for me lol

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course I'd personally prefer nothingness, such a thing comforts me, but we are all different after all, I hope you find what you search for.

 

[R.E.N.]

Hi again,
In your final moments, I wouldn't worry about the fearmongering of theists and stubbornness of atheists. As it stands, nothing can be veritably proved, and you have sufficient reason to stick to what you believe in (it isn't just because you hope it to be true).
To be honest, though, the only way you can stick with your current interests and friends for sure is by not rerolling. However, if you truly believe you just cannot continue, then maybe it is time to accept that sometimes you have to let go. Part of reincarnation philosophy is a lot upon how attachment leads to suffering. I am sure that even if you cannot keep up with them afterwards you will still find the same fulfillment that you hope to seek. And eventually, you will see them again in the circumstance you want with infinite time. There is little to worry about in my opinion.

 

[icecrunch]

Hi again,
In your final moments, I wouldn't worry about the fearmongering of theists and stubbornness of atheists. As it stands, nothing can be veritably proved, and you have sufficient reason to stick to what you believe in (it isn't just because you hope it to be true).
To be honest, though, the only way you can stick with your current interests and friends for sure is by not rerolling. However, if you truly believe you just cannot continue, then maybe it is time to accept that sometimes you have to let go. Part of reincarnation philosophy is a lot upon how attachment leads to suffering. I am sure that even if you cannot keep up with them afterwards you will still find the same fulfillment that you hope to seek. And eventually, you will see them again in the circumstance you want with infinite time. There is little to worry about in my opinion.

ty for the well worded response it really helps, you're totally right tho i keep overthinking about stuff like this because i *am* going through with a major decision after all so i think of every possibility all in one time matter how absurd it sounds but i'm still working on and trying to be more calm and collected about it and only hold on to my own beliefs when it's finally time

then maybe it is time to accept that sometimes you have to let go.

this especially hit me real hard because it's true lol i know that crossing paths again is most likely impossible but i refuse to accept it, i'm too stubborn and afraid to let go but i'll eventually have to anyway