jeand4rc
New Member
- Nov 8, 2023
- 3
I decided to hole up in my house for a good portion of this year because I am working on something important to me.
It was my choice to disappear in the background. so nobody can disturb me with my craft.
nothing but silence. I haven't gotten in touch with anyone for a while now.
as a result, people in my life slowly disappear one by one.
and now I have just lost my one companion in the time of my isolation.
my dog. he was 15 years old.
I understand that he was getting old and will eventually leave me. he lived a good life and passed peacefully.
however, the pain sores and I have no one to turn to.
While I have no real resentment towards those who left me with my own devices,
there's still sour feeling when the ones who gave you a bit of attention when you were still there to provide whatever they expect of you
will now just pass you by, in your time of need, as if your level of importance has decreased. even though you once shared a bond.
and this is what i hate the most about humanity, this 'social game' that we forced ourselves to play.
but wcyd? people only love you when you are constantly providing them something.
that is my sole belief. people are selfish deep down their cores (and that includes me, too).
but we are not machines. we tire and feel emotions. and it can happen in a bad time, like what i am experiencing right now.
And to be completely honest, I feel like total shit.
I wanna hug someone and just fucking burst into tears!
I'm gonna miss my dog so much.
he was very chill. just keeps to himself.
he would run to me whenever he saw me being sad.
and I didn't pet other dogs thinking he'd get jealous.
but now everytime a see a meme or anything to do with pets, I am reminded of him.
he was a good boy. he was a very good boy.
but now he is gone and I'm all alone.
a lot of anger and sadness are just flowing through me like a blizzard inside.
you can try to be calm and reasonable and then you explode.
it is best to ignore everything and just focus on your work.
I have decided that I want to put all my energy into my craft. And I will die doing what I love.
people who die for their work, their passions, for the things they care about the most no matter how big or small.
that, in my personal opinion, is a death that is most beautiful.
'Karoshi' as they call it in Japan.
It is very clear to me now that I want my death to be like that.
peace.
PS: thank you for reading it all and my apologies for the outburst near the end. i just couldnt help myself. this is my first post here. I hope that we enjoy each others company.
It was my choice to disappear in the background. so nobody can disturb me with my craft.
nothing but silence. I haven't gotten in touch with anyone for a while now.
as a result, people in my life slowly disappear one by one.
and now I have just lost my one companion in the time of my isolation.
my dog. he was 15 years old.
I understand that he was getting old and will eventually leave me. he lived a good life and passed peacefully.
however, the pain sores and I have no one to turn to.
While I have no real resentment towards those who left me with my own devices,
there's still sour feeling when the ones who gave you a bit of attention when you were still there to provide whatever they expect of you
will now just pass you by, in your time of need, as if your level of importance has decreased. even though you once shared a bond.
and this is what i hate the most about humanity, this 'social game' that we forced ourselves to play.
but wcyd? people only love you when you are constantly providing them something.
that is my sole belief. people are selfish deep down their cores (and that includes me, too).
but we are not machines. we tire and feel emotions. and it can happen in a bad time, like what i am experiencing right now.
And to be completely honest, I feel like total shit.
I wanna hug someone and just fucking burst into tears!
I'm gonna miss my dog so much.
he was very chill. just keeps to himself.
he would run to me whenever he saw me being sad.
and I didn't pet other dogs thinking he'd get jealous.
but now everytime a see a meme or anything to do with pets, I am reminded of him.
he was a good boy. he was a very good boy.
but now he is gone and I'm all alone.
a lot of anger and sadness are just flowing through me like a blizzard inside.
you can try to be calm and reasonable and then you explode.
it is best to ignore everything and just focus on your work.
I have decided that I want to put all my energy into my craft. And I will die doing what I love.
people who die for their work, their passions, for the things they care about the most no matter how big or small.
that, in my personal opinion, is a death that is most beautiful.
'Karoshi' as they call it in Japan.
It is very clear to me now that I want my death to be like that.
peace.
PS: thank you for reading it all and my apologies for the outburst near the end. i just couldnt help myself. this is my first post here. I hope that we enjoy each others company.
