Looks are a valid reason to CTB. Looks dictate how you’re perceived

[Rocinante]

How a person is and how they act are a direct product of the society they were raised in and how they were treated. When you speak with someone, you're not really speaking to them, but rather you're speaking to the socialized end product that was shaped into the behaviours and personality that they exhibit today. In that sense, it makes no sense to claim that some people are outgoing or they're shy, because these traits were manufactured from their own lived experiences, not a choice they made on their own.



Let's take two opposing examples. First, a young boy. This young boy was smaller than the other young boys so he typically got picked last when it came to team sports. This action may have lead him to believe that he is not good at sports, and therefore does not try, but his conclusion did not come alone, it came from a response to the external, social World reacting to his attempt to play sports. Thus, he is driven to be more secluded and to take interest in solitary hobbies and activites.



Next, let's take a young lady who blossomed early into an attractive woman. If she were a cute girl all of her youth, she would have been fed with endless compliments, favouritism from teachers, and loving behaviour from the boys her age. When she matures into a woman, she, unsurprisingly, is a positive, upbeat, extraverted woman who is comfortable in her own shoes and enjoys talking to people.



But let us take a deeper reflection on this young woman. Did she just one day decide in her maturity to become this extraverted, confident woman? Of course not. Her personality and demeanour was shaped and formed by external social stimuli. The society she lives in has chosen to reward her for her good looks by reacting positively to her attempts to socialize, and rewarding her for being present in social events. As a consequence, it is of no surprise that she became the confident woman that she is, because that is what society has shaped her to be.



Let's return then to the young boy mentioned earlier. He develops into a young man who is not so attractive. He has a nose that is too big and is short for a man. His attempts to be confident are not taken seriously and if anything, are derided. His presence does not add any real value in social situations. So as an adult, you may find this man to be secluded, introverted and does not like being in a crowd. Did he spontanoeusly decide to be a loner, or did years of people not valuing his presence shape him to be one? Did he just decide to be unconfident, or was it the ridicule that was thrown at him when he did try to be confident convince him that he should learn his place?



Nay, indeed people are not individuals who just decide what their personalities are going to be. Their personalities were kneaded, shaped and formed by the society they are in. So to say that someone's personality is better than another's is like comparing the genetics of two different people; it is entirely outside of their control.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Agreed 100%. Looks open a lot of doors in life, moreso than personality.

 

[leavingsoon99]

Humans are very "surface". An unfortunate truth.

 

[unplug]

its over

 

[Rocinante]

its over

Begins once I get surgery

 

[unplug]

my mirror makes me want to commit suicide

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Pretty Privilege makes me want to commit suicide.

 

[Jezzibell]

I get what you mean. IMHO it's a bit simplistic. We are also shaped by our own experiences. The ugly boy who meets someone, or the attractive woman who had acid thrown in her face.

Some traits are inherited:

The five traits that make up personality and are influenced by genetics are openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism, sometimes referred to by the acronym OCEAN

But of course we are also shaped by our environment.

 

[hungry_ghost]

Indeed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that every reason to wish to die is valid, suicide doesn't even need a reason in the first place, it's up to the individual when to leave. But it's true that life is so unnecessarily cruel, it's certainly an awful world we exist in when people suffer all through no fault of their own.

 

[TAW122]

I agree that any reason (or lack thereof) is valid for CTB, as what may be tormenting to one is not necessarily to another and vice versa. Therefore, if one is suffering due to whatever reason they have, they are definitely valid. It's disgusting how society and one's peers gatekeep reasoning for CTB'ing.

 

[Rocinante]

Reminder that personality doesn't matter. Looks >

 

[sorrowful]

Reminder that personality doesn't matter. Looks >

hybristophilia

 

[Kundalini Guy]

Unless your looks led you to inceldom, I don't think its a viable reason to CTB. In my opinion the most valid reasons to CTB are mental problems, grief or if your life took turn for the worst. At least with bad looks you can cover it up with social status, wealth, fame etc... not only those but if you are truly happy even with your bad looks you should have ZERO reasons to CTB. Your happiness matters more than anything.

 

[Rocinante]

Unless your looks led you to inceldom, I don't think its a viable reason to CTB. In my opinion the most valid reasons to CTB are mental problems, grief or if your life took turn for the worst. At least with bad looks you can cover it up with social status, wealth, fame etc... not only those but if you are truly happy even with your bad looks you should have ZERO reasons to CTB. Your happiness matters more than anything.

My looks are normie, may above average
people tell me my personality is robotic and bland.
no face for my lack of personality

 

[chocolatebar]

You touched a very interesting topic that our society has tabooed in some way. In fact, our appearance chances all the way we are treated by others, since kids, and, therefore contributes to how our mind and behaviors are shaped.

It can contribute more or less to shaping people, according to how and where they live, but the impacts are immense. People have even been marginalized, persecuted and killed through history, merely because the ones in power didn't like their physical appearance. One example could be people in europe during the the middle ages burning redheads and disable people.

However, I'd just like to point 2 things. The first, obvious one, is that the physical characteristics are just one of the several aspects that shape someone's lives. As obvious as it is, it's always important to emphasize, in order to avoid the thread going in weird directions.

The other one is about the way you said that it's a valid reason to ctb. I don't know what you wanted to express with it, but what does it mean for something to be a valid reason for suicide? There are complex conjunctures that lead someone in wanting to kill themselves, and I don't think things are either valid or invalid. What would mean for something to be an invalid reason? I don't even thing that, most of the times, we can point specific reasons.

Or maybe I'm being too literal on my reading here, so just ignore me in that case.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah but sadly- society ALSO doesn't see it like this. Whatever defects you happen to be born with- or- develop through some crappy childhood- society expects you to overcome them.

I severely lack confidence and I'm terribly shy but people aren't too fussed about why- they just tell me I need to overcome it all to succeed in life or be better at my job.

I'd say many people aren't devastatingly attractive. Still- if they want to pull- I guess they find ways to compensate. I'm not really sure what women do asides from trying to look prettier but men tend to develop their sense of humour and get rich. There are PLENTY of unatractive people who are with stunning people. It doesn't necessarily follow that unattractive people won't be successful. I expect an awful lot does have to do with confidence though- and once that's gone- I don't really know how you get it back.

As for it being a valid reason to CTB- that's personal opinion really. I'd say anyone's wish to take their own life is real to them. You've got to be in a VERY bad place to want to do it. Society at large may not see many of our reasons for wanting to CTB as 'valid'. That doesn't change what we're going through. Worse in fact- it ostacizes us further.

I do agree with your argument though- that looks certainly do change how you are valued and treated in life and this can have a profound effect on how we develop.

 

[phoenixrising]

I used to think like that. Until I had a « glow up » (provoked and not just puberty) and realized how the other side of the coin was. I got used (mainly for s3x… by men who like to sleep with pretty but don't commit to pretty because pretty is eye candy but nothing more). I was approached by the same bully that used to tell me to kms and he dared to compliment me when he was insulting my looks years ago. It's awful and you will understand that people don't care about you or your personality or anything but just that you can sit pretty. I also had way less women friends because of « my looks ». People don't take me seriously when I talk about CTB and my depression doesn't have any base to them because « im pretty ». It is hell. People always comment on your looks, monitor and tell you about every single change of weight or anything because they weirdly assume you are a propriety… and don't you dare go out without being excessively groomed. You get sexualised regardless, people assume things about you (she's probably a prostitute if she's pretty and hang with an older man). Insecure women will hate you without even getting to know you and people will underestimate your intelligence (from my experience) because you are just « eye candy ». I want to ctb because of so many things, my instrusive thoughts, my self h, my suicidal ideation that never went away and other things. And it hurts when i see people who think if you are considered pretty then you have no reason to complain because being pretty is enough of a reason to live and thrive… it all depend on your confidence and other things so many people aren't even that pretty but they hypnotise people into thinking they are because of their confidence…
And just because just because people find you pretty doesn't mean you also do. You could be considered ugly by a country standard of beauty and handsome in another country too. It's all very subjective. I say to my mum that I wish I could ctb and she answers « but you are pretty ». Never taken seriously and it doesn't give you more serotonin in your brain to be « pretty ». Especially that I consider myself basic without makeup but I also think I have some dysphoria going on. I don't even know.
Also people don't compliment you that much because they assume you are used to it/already know it. It's a lonely life when you are « pretty » but not « breathtakingly beautiful ». They are levels to being « pretty » and your whole life and attention you get revolve about your slowly decomposing flesh. I honestly think men can benefit even more than women from the pretty privilege. From my experience at least it was the case from what I have observed. (Example: Amber heard is pretty but she's still seen as a monster. Her beauty privilege is worth nothing because women can get hated only for that. But when it's about serial killers that are men… it's another story. The beauty privilege is very much present.) A lot of people had « glow up » and you think they were always pretty but it's not the case. We were bullied and harassed until the breaking point and lot of people had to change their appearance just to have some tranquility. So there's no privilege here for me just a survival instinct at this point and a form of protection that I use. Now there are some
People who really have the pretty privilege but most people aren't on this level. People who benefit the most about the pretty privilege are usually tall, good dentition, good genes etc. And they also are sharks and know how to get what they want using their looks.

 

[uniqueusername39]

oh yeah. my introversion is in huge part due to my ugliness.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Unless your looks led you to inceldom, I don't think its a viable reason to CTB. In my opinion the most valid reasons to CTB are mental problems, grief or if your life took turn for the worst. At least with bad looks you can cover it up with social status, wealth, fame etc... not only those but if you are truly happy even with your bad looks you should have ZERO reasons to CTB. Your happiness matters more than anything.

If you have bad looks, you're not likely to have good social statue or fame unless you are blessed with that from the get go.

Good looks can lead to wealth, but if you start out with bad looks, you may not get to wealth. Look at the attractive streamers and YouTubers who make lots. A good percentage of people watch them and buy into them simply because of their looks. If some ugly bum with no charisma tried to stream, not many people would watch them.

I used to think like that. Until I had a « glow up » (provoked and not just puberty) and realized how the other side of the coin was. I got used (mainly for s3x… by men who like to sleep with pretty but don't commit to pretty because pretty is eye candy but nothing more). I was approached by the same bully that used to tell me to kms and he dared to compliment me when he was insulting my looks years ago. It's awful and you will understand that people don't care about you or your personality or anything but just that you can sit pretty. I also had way less women friends because of « my looks ». People don't take me seriously when I talk about CTB and my depression doesn't have any base to them because « im pretty ». It is hell. People always comment on your looks, monitor and tell you about every single change of weight or anything because they weirdly assume you are a propriety… and don't you dare go out without being excessively groomed. You get sexualised regardless, people assume things about you (she's probably a prostitute if she's pretty and hang with an older man). Insecure women will hate you without even getting to know you and people will underestimate your intelligence (from my experience) because you are just « eye candy ». I want to ctb because of so many things, my instrusive thoughts, my self h, my suicidal ideation that never went away and other things. And it hurts when i see people who think if you are considered pretty then you have no reason to complain because being pretty is enough of a reason to live and thrive… it all depend on your confidence and other things so many people aren't even that pretty but they hypnotise people into thinking they are because of their confidence…
And just because just because people find you pretty doesn't mean you also do. You could be considered ugly by a country standard of beauty and handsome in another country too. It's all very subjective. I say to my mum that I wish I could ctb and she answers « but you are pretty ». Never taken seriously and it doesn't give you more serotonin in your brain to be « pretty ». Especially that I consider myself basic without makeup but I also think I have some dysphoria going on. I don't even know.
Also people don't compliment you that much because they assume you are used to it/already know it. It's a lonely life when you are « pretty » but not « breathtakingly beautiful ». They are levels to being « pretty » and your whole life and attention you get revolve about your slowly decomposing flesh. I honestly think men can benefit even more than women from the pretty privilege. From my experience at least it was the case from what I have observed. (Example: Amber heard is pretty but she's still seen as a monster. Her beauty privilege is worth nothing because women can get hated only for that. But when it's about serial killers that are men… it's another story. The beauty privilege is very much present.) A lot of people had « glow up » and you think they were always pretty but it's not the case. We were bullied and harassed until the breaking point and lot of people had to change their appearance just to have some tranquility. So there's no privilege here for me just a survival instinct at this point and a form of protection that I use. Now there are some
People who really have the pretty privilege but most people aren't on this level. People who benefit the most about the pretty privilege are usually tall, good dentition, good genes etc. And they also are sharks and know how to get what they want using their looks.

That may have been the case for you, but that's not the case for everyone. And while attractive people may be "used", they also get good attention (compliments and can feel good about how they look). Ugly people get bad attention (being rejected, mocked etc.) and are invisible. Attractive people can get bad attention, but they get good attention too and are almost never seen as invisible. Bad attention and being invisible or bad attention (partially due to jealousy) and good attention? The bad attention from each scenario cancels each other out so it comes down to good attention > no attention. Being attractive in the end wins out.

If you think life is so bad being attractive, you can always ruin your looks by getting overweight and becoming ugly and seeing if the ugly life treats you better. I guarantee you'd regret it and wish you had your good looks. They're called good looks for a reason, because having them is a good thing.

Also, seems like your first and only post here is trying to convince us about the horrors of being attractive (even though I bet you don't even believe being attractive is a bad thing). Looks like you're just trying to convince people not to CTB because of being ugly, even if you don't believe there's any benefit to being ugly.

I don't think we really want a half hearted lesson from pretty privileged people.

 

[noonipie]

i just feel like i could never look good enough for it to be worth how fucking mental i am. with makeup i tend to look kinda creepy like im dead or something, and without i just look super ugly. so even if i managed to make someone like me for how i look with makeup, they'd never love me enough to find me pretty without.

 

[Zaya]

I always thought my looks were kinda okay-ish, at least not completely ugly. But constantly hearing good looking people (especially a person i have feelings for) calling themselves ugly absolutely destroyed the little self esteem i had about my looks and now I hate every part of my body and always try to cover as much of it as possible, even wearing long pants and a hoodie in 40°C which is literal torture both mentally and physically. Too bad the covid restrictions are gone and I dont have an excuse to cover my face anymore.

 

[glitterypearls]

I TOTALLY AGREE. if you are overweight you will be treated like dirt and they will blame your mental health struggles on laziness but if you are healthy weight then they might take it little more seriously. I noticed that recently and it make me feel sad for anyone overweight.

 

[BGooG]

Sorry to sound like an academic (which I am), but this evaluation of personality development is very simplistic. Psychologists have studied this topic for decades. Unfortunately, the answers to these questions are unsatisfying, because they are basically along the lines of "it depends". Ultimately, personality (like other complex human abilities such as intelligence) is the result of a complex interaction between external environmental factors, and internal tendencies shaped by both experiences and heritable characteristics (eg, genetic predispositions). There are VERY few simple cause and effect mechanisms here.