looking for someone to discuss suicide with, no chickening, age 18-24, M/F

[iDesireDeath]

title

 

[bishopxowiki]

Down if you are

 

[iDesireDeath]

Down if you are

yo

 

[merc5361]

I'm 24 M, live in Ireland currently. I've been out of this site for a while to try and work on my life, but it doesn't seem I have a lot of options.


To summarize, I'm down to discuss.

 

[bishopxowiki]

yo

Hi

 

[iDesireDeath]

Hi

when and how you plan to die?

 

[bishopxowiki]

when and how you plan to die?

I don't have a date yet, and before I found out about this site and SN and other resources, it was a rather gruesome method, death by slicing/stabbing my throat. Hbu?

 

[iDesireDeath]

I don't have a date yet, and before I found out about this site and SN and other resources, it was a rather gruesome method, death by slicing/stabbing my throat. Hbu?

i am waiting till christmas, if i dont feel better i will hang. before that i will take a nice hot shower, and spend the last few hours here and reddit.

 

[bishopxowiki]

Why do you want to kys?

 

[iDesireDeath]

Why do you want to kys?

i wrote a thread about it, tldr: i am simply a fucked up individual.

and you?

 

[bishopxowiki]

I don't have an emotionally fueled reason like most people on here. I simply want to die

i wrote a thread about it, tldr: i am simply a fucked up individual.

and you?

I just read your post. You said you crave physical torture, is that a fetish or you somehow think you deserve it?

 

[iDesireDeath]

I don't have an emotionally fueled reason like most people on here. I simply want to die

I just read your post. You said you crave physical torture, is that a fetish or you somehow think you deserve it?

fetish, a really shameful one.

 

[bishopxowiki]

fetish, a really shameful one.

You only think it's shameful when you judge it through the lens of society. Your sexuality is your sexuality. No judgement from me.
I must add however, that it could be a problem if it's something that developed recently, maybe due to porn use(idk if you use porn or not), as your brain no longer gets aroused by "normal" stuff and prefers extreme stuff like torture.

 

[iDesireDeath]

You only think it's shameful when you judge it through the lens of society. Your sexuality is your sexuality. No judgement from me.
I must add however, that it could be a problem if it's something that developed recently, maybe due to porn use(idk if you use porn or not), as your brain no longer gets aroused by "normal" stuff and prefers extreme stuff like torture.

this is not a sex thing, i just crave it. maybe it is a sex thing, i don't know. i don't watch much porn, 2-3 times a week.

 

[waistcoat]

i'm also down to talk - what's your reason for physical torture? i also have this.

 

[bishopxowiki]

this is not a sex thing, i just crave it. maybe it is a sex thing, i don't know. i don't watch much porn, 2-3 times a week.

I assumed it was a sex thing because you mentioned that it does make you hard

i'm also down to talk - what's your reason for physical torture? i also have this.

What's your own reason for physical torture?

 

[iDesireDeath]

I assumed it was a sex thing because you mentioned that it does make you hard

What's your own reason for physical torture?

yeah, it gets me hard. thinking of suicide gets me hard. [LAUGHING]

 

[bishopxowiki]

yeah, it gets me hard. thinking of suicide gets me hard. [LAUGHING]

Oh

 

[waistcoat]

What's your own reason for physical torture?

eh, kinda a fucked up reason tbh. i was abused a lot as a kid, that combined with my dissociative disorder and some other issues mean that physical torture (important to specify, nothing sexual) grounds me and makes me feel like a person again. there is no sexual aspect to my desire for it, purely a mental need for it.

 

[bishopxowiki]

eh, kinda a fucked up reason tbh. i was abused a lot as a kid, that combined with my dissociative disorder and some other issues mean that physical torture (important to specify, nothing sexual) grounds me and makes me feel like a person again.

Sorry you had to go through that as a kid. Are you saying without torture you don't feel like a person?

 

[waistcoat]

Sorry you had to go through that as a kid. Are you saying without torture you don't feel like a person?

haha thanks. it's not that i don't feel like a person without it, it's just that it massively helps me feel like a person for the times that i don't. it comes in waves, sometimes i'll be fine for a few weeks without anything, other times the only thing that can make me feel like a human again is my body being heavily bruised, as i said - it's fucked up lol.

 

[bishopxowiki]

haha thanks. it's not that i don't feel like a person without it, it's just that it massively helps me feel like a person for the times that i don't. it comes in waves, sometimes i'll be fine for a few weeks without anything, other times the only thing that can make me feel like a human again is my body being heavily bruised, as i said - it's fucked up lol.

That sounds really difficult and painful to go through those extreme emotional swings. How are you doing today? Do you have any positive coping mechanisms you rely could use instead during your low points?

 

[waistcoat]

That sounds really difficult and painful to go through those extreme emotional swings. How are you doing today? Do you have any positive coping mechanisms you rely could use instead during your low points?

ehhh, it's honestly not painful, due to my DID i don't remember or feel any of the pain. today i'm doing quite well. as for positive coping mechanisms, none have been found yet ~ i've spent the last 7 years trying to find one.

 

[bishopxowiki]

ehhh, it's honestly not painful, due to my DID i don't remember or feel any of the pain. today i'm doing quite well. as for positive coping mechanisms, none have been found yet ~ i've spent the last 7 years trying to find one.

Hopefully you find one soon:)

 

[waistcoat]

Hopefully you find one soon:)

that would be nice, though honestly my current method works nicely due to the lack of rememberance

 

[bishopxowiki]

that would be nice, though honestly my current method works nicely due to the lack of rememberance

If you don't remember it, how do you know? I'm sorry it just sounds very confusing

 

[waistcoat]

If you don't remember it, how do you know? I'm sorry it just sounds very confusing

the bruises are a very easy way to know, lol

 

[bishopxowiki]

the bruises are a very easy way to know, lol

I thought as much. So when you see the bruises you know it was you or do you ever think it was someone else?

 

[iDesireDeath]

i really don't want to die, but if i live longer, i will become insane

 

[waistcoat]

I thought as much. So when you see the bruises you know it was you or do you ever think it was someone else?

if by someone else you mean a DID alter - absolutely. if you mean someone else as in the person who is inflicting the bruises onto the body, i haven't a clue, maybe?