Hi all,
Long time lurker, first time poster!
My fiancé took his life in August of last year following a losing battle with a serious autoimmune disease and the deep depression that came with it. After initially being furious with him for leaving me and launching myself into suicide prevention campaigns etc; I myself became suicidal at the end of last year. Having experienced that agony for myself, not only was I not angry with him anymore, I was glad he was finally free from the pain. A pain I myself no longer want to live with, certainly not in a world without him in it.
I found my way to this site like most, looking for the best method to end my life in the least distressing way. I found that and decided on hanging. Following the multiple posts with advice here, I set up for partial and would "practise" regularly, it would calm me down in my most acute episodes, knowing that I had a way out.
What I was surprised to find though, coming in with all the preconceived notions of the media's demonisation of suicide forums was how incredibly kind, supportive and compassionate this place is.
Even though I didn't interact and just read others posts, having a place where people can openly discuss and explore suicidal ideation and a recognition of one's right to self determination helped me immeasurably.
I had initially planned to take my life on the 11 of April which is when we would've had our civil partnership. I have since decided to wait and see what the new post pandemic world will look like and whether there's a place for me in it.
I'm now writing a memoir about grief and suicide and I really want to make a case that the whole "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is incredibly damaging both for survivors of suicide (implying you could've done something to stop your loved one when that's not always the case) and for those reaching out to helplines etc and not getting help (Like I did. One helpline suggested colouring which funnily enough did fuck all to alleviate the collapse of my entire universe!).
I want to advocate that while for some those ressources CAN be a lifeline, it's not a one size fits all and that actually open discussion and exploration of one's self determination are better tools.
So, all this to say, this place really helped me and I'd love to help get rid of some of the stigma surrounding suicide forums. I'll be discussing all this in my book (without mentioning the site specifically obviously) and would love to include testimonials from anyone who would like to anonymously share their story and how this site has helped keep you alive.
I'd also love to hear from people how the lockdown is affecting your suicidal thoughts/impulses.
Thanks and thanks to everyone on here who shows nothing but love, compassion and understanding to those in the worst pain known to man. I'm sorry you all find yourselves here but grateful for a community who gets it.
x
Long time lurker, first time poster!
My fiancé took his life in August of last year following a losing battle with a serious autoimmune disease and the deep depression that came with it. After initially being furious with him for leaving me and launching myself into suicide prevention campaigns etc; I myself became suicidal at the end of last year. Having experienced that agony for myself, not only was I not angry with him anymore, I was glad he was finally free from the pain. A pain I myself no longer want to live with, certainly not in a world without him in it.
I found my way to this site like most, looking for the best method to end my life in the least distressing way. I found that and decided on hanging. Following the multiple posts with advice here, I set up for partial and would "practise" regularly, it would calm me down in my most acute episodes, knowing that I had a way out.
What I was surprised to find though, coming in with all the preconceived notions of the media's demonisation of suicide forums was how incredibly kind, supportive and compassionate this place is.
Even though I didn't interact and just read others posts, having a place where people can openly discuss and explore suicidal ideation and a recognition of one's right to self determination helped me immeasurably.
I had initially planned to take my life on the 11 of April which is when we would've had our civil partnership. I have since decided to wait and see what the new post pandemic world will look like and whether there's a place for me in it.
I'm now writing a memoir about grief and suicide and I really want to make a case that the whole "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" is incredibly damaging both for survivors of suicide (implying you could've done something to stop your loved one when that's not always the case) and for those reaching out to helplines etc and not getting help (Like I did. One helpline suggested colouring which funnily enough did fuck all to alleviate the collapse of my entire universe!).
I want to advocate that while for some those ressources CAN be a lifeline, it's not a one size fits all and that actually open discussion and exploration of one's self determination are better tools.
So, all this to say, this place really helped me and I'd love to help get rid of some of the stigma surrounding suicide forums. I'll be discussing all this in my book (without mentioning the site specifically obviously) and would love to include testimonials from anyone who would like to anonymously share their story and how this site has helped keep you alive.
I'd also love to hear from people how the lockdown is affecting your suicidal thoughts/impulses.
Thanks and thanks to everyone on here who shows nothing but love, compassion and understanding to those in the worst pain known to man. I'm sorry you all find yourselves here but grateful for a community who gets it.
x
