- Feb 23, 2020
I'm 24 years old. I have schizophrenia and post schizophrenic depression. My schizophrenia started two years ago when I started hearing the voices. Firstly I didnt understand that it was voices, I thought people, surrounding me taught to talk with me telepathically somehow, so when parents brought me to the psychiatrist I didn't understand what's going on and was shocked. Psychiatrist prescribed me meds, I took them, they contained symptoms of schizophrenia but suicidal thoughts appeared and I was in real hell. I blamed my parents that they ruined my psyche and so on. I dont know whether it was the effect of meds or continuation of my disease, but I really have gone through bad things, I thought that I will be I'll forever, many times I was in the verge, but I was too coward for committing suicide. During this two year day by day for months I had only desire of committing suicide. I'm on therapy since 2019 September, but for a year I haven't felt any improvement. I start feeling like for 30-40% better recently and I dont know is this the result of taking meds or my postscizophrenic depression is ending, coz I read that it often continues for a one half year, in my case it continied for two years. Now I'm not absolutely happy, but I'm started feeling myself as a human, I started believing in my forces and started being more active, because during depression I was just laying on the bed and had no desire even for getting out of the bed. So now I would like to find a friend with whom I can share my little successes and to whom somehow I can help too. But if he wants to commit suicide I won't convince him not to do it. Despite of some changes still sometimes I feel like my depression will start again and I understand that I won't be absolutely healthy, but I feel like I'm ready for any challenges.