The world is an ugly place. To live with mental disabilities like social anxiety is truly a curse. I believe that not everyone gets good things, but I always longed for love and inclusion, whether it is platonic or romantic, it could be anything. it is something I never recieved. I always gave people utmost care, love, and kindness. In return, all I recieved was being invisible to others, being abandoned, and being treated harshly. The world is full of billions of people, yet I do not have one person who would care about me or reciprocate my emotions. It has been the same all my life and I think it is pathetic that I cry every day because I feel lonely. I used to have 7 cats, and I used to talk to them. They had beautiful ways of communicating with me as well. But one by one, they were all taken away from me by family, and landlords. Why do I always have to lose so much and never recieve anything good? Over-eating junk food makes me happy, but how much can I really eat? In the end they make me feel sick and contributes to my body dysmorphia.
Reading what you wrote brought tears - that was such a heartfelt pain that you have shared with us and Thank You for sharing how you feel. You sound so sad, lonely and isolated and this world can be a isolating place. Actually we can be lonely even when we are with a group of people and often thatvos felt more keenly, as it feels like we have been individually singled out. It sounds like you really loved your cats and I am so sorry that they got taken away from you.
Would you ever consider volunteering to work with animals as you sem to have a special connection with them. I struggle with social interaction (though I am good at masking for some of the time and hide from the human race most of the time) and I try and have short conversatios with people. I also try and work with people who need support as that takes the attention away from me.
And also please keep writting on this forum as that is also a form of outlet. Take care.
