Longing for...

[bearbrikk]

Well..I just figured out I have been trying to fill a void that has been inside of me my whole life. You know the one thing you so desperately want/need as a child. The unconditional love from your parents. For all of my life, I have been trying to fill that void with people who are not able to fill it. Those people could never fill that void and no one ever will because it is a kind of love only my parents could ever give. Also this I just came to understand. This void/hole/wound is the core of all of my pain. I have such abandonment issues that I keep everyone distant. Whilst I long for closeness, to feel connected to people. Everytime I try to connect with someone I always get triggered because I feel I will never matter to them, or be someone significant in their lives. I know its wrong but with me it is always all or nothing so if I connect with you, I want to be everything for you and reverse, for me to be everything for you. But this never happens because this longing stems from the love I never got from my parents. I need to figure out how to keep a balance. Not to hold on to a person so much and feel constant pain and disappointment when they don't meet my terms. I need to find this balance because I want those connections.

 

[DeathWish3301]

(Disclaimer: Not attempting to make your post about me, I just relate to it very much).

I have the same void inside of me. Both of my parents were extremely abusive and narcissistic. My father abandoned me when I was twelve. I never got that love either and used everything (sex, drugs etc.) to fill that emptiness.

Unfortunately, I have zero advice on how to combat that void caused by never receiving unconditional love. Most, if not all of my issues come from abandonment. I know it doesn't help or make it any better but you're not alone. I could've written this post myself.

Wish you the best.

 

[bearbrikk]

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps though, knowing I am not alone. I wish you all the best.