Story Long story

[sheleftme1]

Ok so I've been su off and off and on since I was 5. Mostly due to being around a lot of people that had dads and I didn't and as a young man you feel like that's just something you are supposed to have too. Well apparently that packing created a habit of attachment issues within me which manifests in my relationships. Each time they end I get my urge to end it. Well this woman I've been with the last year has ended our relationship and also ruined my ability to function by getting me fired and putting me in jail. I can't even speak to her and I'm obviously still in love with her because I'm an idiot. But due to the situation I can't legally purchase a firearm and with the things going in with SN I'm afraid to try because when I went to jail I was on suicide watch. The only thing I really want is to talk to her and fix things but I can't it I go back to jail. I don't know what to do and I'm breaking. She made me finally want to be here. None of my other relationships did that… I need her. I want to ctb so bad… I can't handle this at all. I want to get SN or something that is definite because I can't handle this… when this first happened I drank 10 bottles of visine and passed out on the floor hoping that was it and pissed all over myself… I try partial hanging almost every day because I can't handle this feeling… I tried to walk to a building but I got afraid to jump I walk passed cars thinking I want to jump in front of a car… I've tried to drown myself but SI kicks in… I cut myself but of course not deep enough… I starved myself since that day and went 3 weeks with no fluids trust me that was torture but it didn't work I just puked up bile… I can't handle these feelings and I just want to get her back because I don't actually want to die I just want to be with her… but if I can't be with her there is no reason to be here

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a really horrible and painful situation to be trapped in, life really is just too cruel. But anyway I wish you the best, I hate how difficult it is to finally leave this hellish world.

 

[TapeMachine]

I sympathize, man, I really do. I've got attachment issues as well, and I despise it. I'm sorry you've been experiencing additional, dreadful circumstances on top of having to battle the emotional turmoil of losing the person for whom you care most deeply. My heart goes out to you