Story Lonely asf

[Bestrafe Mich]

first of all, my English suck so I'm gonna try to express myself best as I can…
I been depressed since 2016 I felt like a shit every single day because I being bullied so bad at school for being different (play video games), at the age of 18 I been diagnostic whit Borderline disorder, clinical depression and general anxiety, idk the translation but I'm sure that u got what I'm talking about, my adolescence was the most traumatic part of life, since I was diagnosed with the aforementioned until January of this same year, 2023, I've been taking meds until I couldn't do it anymore, my first and only bf cut our 2y relationship because he can't handle me and was lazy to keep at my side, ik that it's so exhausted stay at the worst moment of a person, so Im not angry whit him, I'm just disappointed because my sister and I made an effort to let her know the problems I had and that it was going to be hard but he didn't listened to me… it ended up breaking my heart and destroying my feelings, calling me a bitch, cheap meat and more stuff that he know will hurt me so bad, at that point of dream about suicide and disappear, so now, 10 months after I'm still feeling lonely and useless, I can't even imagine someone that loves me, and takes care of me, not just sex, I feel lonely every fucking day, I trust him and it was Insufficient, I know that this reason is stupid for being that sad but theres an accumulation of stuff year after year, I have 2 classmates who I are my "friends" but I don't let them know how I'm because deep down, they don't care about me, and more, more, more shitty things that happened to me and make me feel so bad, u can't even remember all things that happen, I'm certainly glad to have depression because I have several memory lost, I'm not strong to continue this battle so I'm seriously thinking about end my life.
I know that a part of the problem is me, and I'm working to improve and be a nicest person who tolerates everything, but he has hurted me so bad and was 100% conscious that he gonna create a void in my hearth…

Im sick in my bed dreaming about fall sleep forever, Im so exhausted to continue this shit, I miss him so bad and I can't stop loving him, it sucks

 

[Enlighten]

first of all, my English suck so I'm gonna try to express myself best as I can…
I been depressed since 2016 I felt like a shit every single day because I being bullied so bad at school for being different (play video games), at the age of 18 I been diagnostic whit Borderline disorder, clinical depression and general anxiety, idk the translation but I'm sure that u got what I'm talking about, my adolescence was the most traumatic part of life, since I was diagnosed with the aforementioned until January of this same year, 2023, I've been taking meds until I couldn't do it anymore, my first and only bf cut our 2y relationship because he can't handle me and was lazy to keep at my side, ik that it's so exhausted stay at the worst moment of a person, so Im not angry whit him, I'm just disappointed because my sister and I made an effort to let her know the problems I had and that it was going to be hard but he didn't listened to me… it ended up breaking my heart and destroying my feelings, calling me a bitch, cheap meat and more stuff that he know will hurt me so bad, at that point of dream about suicide and disappear, so now, 10 months after I'm still feeling lonely and useless, I can't even imagine someone that loves me, and takes care of me, not just sex, I feel lonely every fucking day, I trust him and it was Insufficient, I know that this reason is stupid for being that sad but theres an accumulation of stuff year after year, I have 2 classmates who I are my "friends" but I don't let them know how I'm because deep down, they don't care about me, and more, more, more shitty things that happened to me and make me feel so bad, u can't even remember all things that happen, I'm certainly glad to have depression because I have several memory lost, I'm not strong to continue this battle so I'm seriously thinking about end my life.
I know that a part of the problem is me, and I'm working to improve and be a nicest person who tolerates everything, but he has hurted me so bad and was 100% conscious that he gonna create a void in my hearth…

Im sick in my bed dreaming about fall sleep forever, Im so exhausted to continue this shit, I miss him so bad and I can't stop loving him, it sucks

Hey, i'm sorry you got bullied and that your boyfriend told you these nasty things. You are a human being worthy of love, even if you might not believe that yourself.
I care for you and i love you. I would love to talk with you to ease your loneliness, feel free to send me a PM <3

 

[Liminal1]

Im sorry your going through this. Relationships can be so difficult. I myself am going through a breakup of 12 years. I cant exrpess how painful heartbreak is. Its brutal

 

[ThisUnrest]

So sorry you were treated so badly. Your bf is stupid for losing you! People can be so mean sometimes. Break-ups and loneliness are terribly painful. Especially when you add mental issues on top on heartbreak, it's just unbearable. // I think you need to have more comments on SS before you are allowed to have private conversations, just letting you know. So many of us can relate to your feelings. Hope you have a better week this week.

 

[voyager]

I'm sorry, wish I could tell you it will get better, but honestly, finding decent people who really care about one is quite hard. 10 months is a long time, but technically it could go on for years if you don't allow yourself to let loose. Considering how little understanding he showed you and the insults, he doesn't actually seem that greater catch. Meaning to say, you're perfectly in your right to end it if you so please, but my suggestion would be getting him out of your system first. Suicide should be about oneself, imho, not about others. Hope you heal.

 

[Unending]

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I know that the pain from nasty breakups can hit really hard and be quite unrelenting.
I was also bullied quite a lot in school and I think it really changed me for the worse and I haven't recovered since so I know how terrible that situation can feel. Those two things in succession can lead to much unpleasantness, I feel for your struggle.

 

[cutecats12]

It's not stupid nor anything,it's valid so don't worry about that,i hope all that suffering ends soon and let you be in peace at last.

 

[Amyend88]

Aw sweetie, you can talk to me if you like. Maybe I'm not great, but I'm something

 

[Bestrafe Mich]

Hi again, thanks for y'all i wrote that post after taking a bath and the only thing on my head was commit suicide I was having a mental break, I hate being alone at home because my head start thinking about stupid things about past, I hear about this forum a months ago, I read some history from ppl that just break me, they made me feel like this world deserves the worse for treating ppl that bad to the point that his only way out is this. In a way I'm afraid of dying, mostly of failing and that there are sequels, it's the only thing that has kept me as I m now.

I wake up better today so I'll be here trying to keep going.

Im sorry your going through this. Relationships can be so difficult. I myself am going through a breakup of 12 years. I cant exrpess how painful heartbreak is. Its brutal

That what I was talking about, specially the break ups and the death of close people make me feel so bad, it's annoying but I'm glad at the same time, how there's ppl that they get over it in a short time, I just want to be like them, accepting and let go

I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I know that the pain from nasty breakups can hit really hard and be quite unrelenting.
I was also bullied quite a lot in school and I think it really changed me for the worse and I haven't recovered since so I know how terrible that situation can feel. Those two things in succession can lead to much unpleasantness, I feel for your struggle.

I don't like to share my thought and what happen to me to be like that, but reading your posts made me have the strength for write it and search for the opinion of others, im going to therapy but sometimes I have those mental breaks and I feel like shit.

I read some posts they were talking about it was her/his last post because they just can't handle and that stuff makes me so sad, I can't even imagine how pain they are in. I'm gonna participate more and replay they post like y'all did to me, I hate this.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

I wake up better today so I'll be here trying to keep going.

I'm glad to hear that. It's often worth it to see through one more day.

 

[Enlighten]

first of all, my English suck so I'm gonna try to express myself best as I can…
I been depressed since 2016 I felt like a shit every single day because I being bullied so bad at school for being different (play video games), at the age of 18 I been diagnostic whit Borderline disorder, clinical depression and general anxiety, idk the translation but I'm sure that u got what I'm talking about, my adolescence was the most traumatic part of life, since I was diagnosed with the aforementioned until January of this same year, 2023, I've been taking meds until I couldn't do it anymore, my first and only bf cut our 2y relationship because he can't handle me and was lazy to keep at my side, ik that it's so exhausted stay at the worst moment of a person, so Im not angry whit him, I'm just disappointed because my sister and I made an effort to let her know the problems I had and that it was going to be hard but he didn't listened to me… it ended up breaking my heart and destroying my feelings, calling me a bitch, cheap meat and more stuff that he know will hurt me so bad, at that point of dream about suicide and disappear, so now, 10 months after I'm still feeling lonely and useless, I can't even imagine someone that loves me, and takes care of me, not just sex, I feel lonely every fucking day, I trust him and it was Insufficient, I know that this reason is stupid for being that sad but theres an accumulation of stuff year after year, I have 2 classmates who I are my "friends" but I don't let them know how I'm because deep down, they don't care about me, and more, more, more shitty things that happened to me and make me feel so bad, u can't even remember all things that happen, I'm certainly glad to have depression because I have several memory lost, I'm not strong to continue this battle so I'm seriously thinking about end my life.
I know that a part of the problem is me, and I'm working to improve and be a nicest person who tolerates everything, but he has hurted me so bad and was 100% conscious that he gonna create a void in my hearth…

Im sick in my bed dreaming about fall sleep forever, Im so exhausted to continue this shit, I miss him so bad and I can't stop loving him, it sucks

Also, i see now that you have a league champ background. We could play league together too if you want