Wyldfyre4948
Waiting for my bus
- Jul 12, 2023
- 377
Almost been 2 months since I lost my cat and my wife left. She took the car and left me here to struggle. I had coworkers to talk to but I think they're sick of hearing me talk about her. It sucks when you rely on someone so much and become so dependent on their presence. Every couple weeks I go out to get groceries, and that means I'm outside for maybe 2 hours. Lack of cooking skills has me surviving on $2 microwave dinners and ramen.
I feel like I'm going crazy because I still talk to "her" because there's nobody else here. Talking to my deceased grandparents is one thing, but this is just a whole new level of loneliness. Going to work is the only escape I have and my only chance to talk to people. Sure I could call my family and they'll talk with me, but it's not a great substitute for real human interaction. I'd give so much for a hug right now.
It being about 2 months later and me being a man it's probably expected that I should've moved on by now. Except I told my wife all my insecurities and nightmares, and she told me not to worry because she isn't going anywhere. Now I'm abandoned and don't want to live anymore. What's the point in going on when the person who told you they'll always be there abandons you? I'm not made for this world and that's why I relied so heavily on her. She is so strong and able to adapt to situations. She took care of me and made me feel safe for so long that I can barely function without her.
Everyone says I'm doing good and making it, but they don't see me when I'm alone. They see me with my mask on and keep on for public viewing. Unfortunately for me I'm alone most of the time. I work alone and unsupervised with limited interactions with other people.
So I have a shit diet of bad food, insomnia, nightmares (when I can sleep), little to no human contact, no transportation, and high bp for good measure. Don't need another grippy sock vacation because the last one didn't do anything other than give me a bill. It would be nice for things to go back, but I think everything is just permanently broken.
If I ctb then I'm not a burden to anyone. Nobody has to take care of me or help me cope with my insecurities. Probably the nicest thing I can do for everyone else.
I feel like I'm going crazy because I still talk to "her" because there's nobody else here. Talking to my deceased grandparents is one thing, but this is just a whole new level of loneliness. Going to work is the only escape I have and my only chance to talk to people. Sure I could call my family and they'll talk with me, but it's not a great substitute for real human interaction. I'd give so much for a hug right now.
It being about 2 months later and me being a man it's probably expected that I should've moved on by now. Except I told my wife all my insecurities and nightmares, and she told me not to worry because she isn't going anywhere. Now I'm abandoned and don't want to live anymore. What's the point in going on when the person who told you they'll always be there abandons you? I'm not made for this world and that's why I relied so heavily on her. She is so strong and able to adapt to situations. She took care of me and made me feel safe for so long that I can barely function without her.
Everyone says I'm doing good and making it, but they don't see me when I'm alone. They see me with my mask on and keep on for public viewing. Unfortunately for me I'm alone most of the time. I work alone and unsupervised with limited interactions with other people.
So I have a shit diet of bad food, insomnia, nightmares (when I can sleep), little to no human contact, no transportation, and high bp for good measure. Don't need another grippy sock vacation because the last one didn't do anything other than give me a bill. It would be nice for things to go back, but I think everything is just permanently broken.
If I ctb then I'm not a burden to anyone. Nobody has to take care of me or help me cope with my insecurities. Probably the nicest thing I can do for everyone else.
