Loneliness makes my suicidal thoughts even worse

[FireFox]

Honestly since turning 27 it upsets me realising how lonely I am. I have no real world friends, no boyfriend and my immediate family never listen whenever I reach out and complain about how I am making their lives difficult or how much I am upsetting the family if i do open up honestly about being depressed. My extended family relatives do not even care about me. In African Immigrant families family is a massive deal and growing up other immigrant families I knew had loving aunties, uncles and cousins always supporting them if they are going through difficult times whereas my relatives are nothing like that. In my mother and grandmothers eyes the relatives can do no wrong. My relatives get away with everything because of "Christian forgiveness" constantly being weaponsied, it's abuse.

Since my adoptive grandfather died in 2020 I have been struggling to cope with the grief, he was the closet thing I had to grandfather figure. He was the only family member who actually cared. If my grandmother and mother had problems financially he always helped while NONE of the relatives cared. He was so proud of my achievements in my life while other relatives were jealous of my achievements.

What kind of relatives get jealous of other family members achievements ?

● I have relatives in my parents home country who are jealous of the family members living in the western countries. The jealously is revolting. For example One of my relatives was so furious at my grandmother for moving to the UK to go help my mother look after me. This relative complained to the whole family about how my grandmother abandoned them.

● I have family members who like seeing other family members fail its so disgusting the glee they have their voices when they hear a relative has failed. When I got fired I was not allowed to mention it to the relatives because they were going to be finding hilarious and enjoying every minute of it. My mum told me this a couple of days after my firing at work,.

● I have older womren relatives who are even jealous of the fact I went to university because they didn't complete secondary school and their own kids got pregnant with multiple children before the age of 20.

Growing up all I have ever known is relatives using and discarding everybody even the family members I thought was "good" are just a disappointment too users like everybody.

As I grow older I worry about my mum and grandmother dying because I will have no one to talk too and bond with. I have a great relationship with my younger sister but I need people to talk too and spend time with. This is why I plan to kill myself in my 30s. Everyone else my age is married while I am just single with no friends and don't have relatives who care for me. I can't cope anymore

 

[Cinnamorolls]

Cutting the toxic family members out of your life may help improve your mental health. My family's quite similar (especially the jealousy and gossiping parts) and becoming estranged from them reduced a lot of the anxiety I felt throughout life.

 

[FireFox]

Cutting the toxic family members out of your life may help improve your mental health. My family's quite similar (especially the jealousy and gossiping parts) and becoming estranged from them reduced a lot of the anxiety I felt throughout life.

@Cinnamorolls I feel so trapped by my family there is no escape. In my families culture ( African) family is an enormous deal especially what relatives think of you. It's hard to escape these relatives

If my family and I don't visit relatives the relatives overseas the relatives spread lies and make false accusations of why we didn't vist them, its emotional abuse to the max. My grandmother and mother care way too much about what these relatives think.

I plenty of stories of how bad it is in my family. In the summer of 2016 my grandmothers mother died suddenly she was 102. My grandmother needed to go to her funeral. I couldn't go because my passport expired at the time.

My mum found a last minute flight for my grandmother to go alone and when we went to the airport we were told the scheduled flight got cancelled because a passenger got severely ill and there was no other flights available to get to the country my grandmother needed to go.

My grandmother missed the funeral as a result. The relatives spread lies and rumours on why we didn't attend the funeral. The lies were how my mum didn't want my grandmother go to the funeral and other lies were how our flight cancellation was made up

The covid19 pandemic was the best thing that ever happened because I finally got what I wanted a world without seeing my relatives. The two years of the pandemic was pure peace never seeing these relatives ever again.

My mother will never cope if I one day say I want nothing to do these relatives anymore. I plan to go NC when she dies as that is my own option.