Venting loneliness is the devil

[slightoverlooked]

its crazy to me how present loneliness is. it rlly kills so many ppl. i think im gonna be one of them. im so painfully lonely. and even tho im surrounded by people, friends and people who like me. there is something missing. i dont trust most of them and many of them have let me down. back then my "friends" told me they cant imagine anyone loving me romantically. im 21 and still never had a boyfriend. im so desperate for male attention but i would never show that on the outside nor would i go and seek out for it on dating apps or anything. i want someone to love my personality and love me as a human. love me with my flaws. i had men hit on me disgustingly on parties but I dont want that. i hope i die soon. none of my friends understand me and they r all in relationships. my best friend told me the other day that i cant expect to be loved if i dont love myself. tbh i believe thats bullshit but whatever. she just gave me the perfect reason to ctb

 

[Argo]

my best friend told me the other day that i cant expect to be loved if i dont love myself

I think it's true, and it's worse than that. Because you can't even love another person if you're not at ease yourself. It means your ease will be dependent on getting something from that other person. You will need something from them, you'll need them telling you things are okay, or you will need them to be physically close or else you won't feel okay, or you'll need countless other things. This is the antithesis of love, which is a posture of selflessness.

And it gets even worse, because even when you get those things, you are still not happy. Now you want more. You want more of that affection, and you want it better this time, and you're just never happy because you're addicted, your cravings can't be easily satisfied.

But then... let's say you get your fill of it. It just becomes normal. It's now boring. It's now not good enough. And this poisons things and feels stagnant. And now you're an addict but you cannot get your fix. And that's when you truly become unlovable. What about this other person? What about their needs?

The only people who are happy are those who are happy prior to that person who "completes" them. Otherwise you will just make that other person miserable. This is a very rare and secure person, who either was not traumatized by this world, or miraculously overcame their trauma. The rest of us on this planet are just dumb monkeys who cannot truly love because we can't get over our own ego and insecurity.

 

[Labyrinth]

You are not the only one who feels this, all of us here have also been afflicted by loneliness. Personally, no one has ever really known me; Even though I learned a lot I never found anyone to share it.

I think it's true, and it's worse than that. Because you can't even love another person if you're not at ease yourself. It means your ease will be dependent on getting something from that other person. You will need something from them, you'll need them telling you things are okay, or you will need them to be physically close or else you won't feel okay, or you'll need countless other things. This is the antithesis of love, which is a posture of selflessness.

And it gets even worse, because even when you get those things, you are still not happy. Now you want more. You want more of that affection, and you want it better this time, and you're just never happy because you're addicted, your cravings can't be easily satisfied.

But then... let's say you get your fill of it. It just becomes normal. It's now boring. It's now not good enough. And this poisons things and feels stagnant. And now you're an addict but you cannot get your fix. And that's when you truly become unlovable. What about this other person? What about their needs?

The only people who are happy are those who are happy prior to that person who "completes" them. Otherwise you will just make that other person miserable. This is a very rare and secure person, who either was not traumatized by this world, or miraculously overcame their trauma. The rest of us on this planet are just dumb monkeys who cannot truly love because we can't get over our own ego and insecurity.

Supposed love was never really "loving", but rather persuading the other person through psychic impressions. The center is not the content itself, but what you represent to others.

Many people are unhappy without finding someone because they want a deep, unbreakable bond. They don't need help, they are the ones who want to help generate mutual knowledge.

 

[iori011x3]

i really do understand you. the loneliness fucking hurts so much. it makes you feel so unlovable. it makes you feel like the world doesn't give a shit about you. it makes you feel so empty inside all the time, like you're missing someone who isn't there. i want people to love me so badly but when they do, i don't feel the love they say they give. it's so hard to show your flaws when you hate feeling vulnerable. it's so hard when you want someone to love you as a whole but you don't want to risk getting hurt all over again.

it really is tough out here. i find it funny how much i can relate to you while we have pfps from the same series.

 

[slightoverlooked]

I think it's true, and it's worse than that. Because you can't even love another person if you're not at ease yourself. It means your ease will be dependent on getting something from that other person. You will need something from them, you'll need them telling you things are okay, or you will need them to be physically close or else you won't feel okay, or you'll need countless other things. This is the antithesis of love, which is a posture of selflessness.

And it gets even worse, because even when you get those things, you are still not happy. Now you want more. You want more of that affection, and you want it better this time, and you're just never happy because you're addicted, your cravings can't be easily satisfied.

But then... let's say you get your fill of it. It just becomes normal. It's now boring. It's now not good enough. And this poisons things and feels stagnant. And now you're an addict but you cannot get your fix. And that's when you truly become unlovable. What about this other person? What about their needs?

The only people who are happy are those who are happy prior to that person who "completes" them. Otherwise you will just make that other person miserable. This is a very rare and secure person, who either was not traumatized by this world, or miraculously overcame their trauma. The rest of us on this planet are just dumb monkeys who cannot truly love because we can't get over our own ego and insecurity.

To be honest…no I dont believe that what she said was true. We are mentally ill but we aren't unlovable. We still are human beings with interests, passions and the desire to be loved. My best friend herself is flawed and is the most insecure person I know and shes in a relationship. So why cant I be loved?
Yes its really hard for me to believe that anyone likes me or would love me. But if there is someone out there who would fight for me to see their love then I might change. Someone loving me could convince me to not ctb.
Also I can love other people. I love my friends. I love my family. I love them with my whole heart. I love their flaws, I forgive them, I am happy for them.
I dont think what you describe would happen to me after finding love.
Telling suicidal people that we cant be loved is fucked up.
Yes I feel unlovable and the universe is proving that by my loneliness but I dont believe its impossible to love me. I would love someone that might have similar problems like me even if I would be "healthy".

i really do understand you. the loneliness fucking hurts so much. it makes you feel so unlovable. it makes you feel like the world doesn't give a shit about you. it makes you feel so empty inside all the time, like you're missing someone who isn't there. i want people to love me so badly but when they do, i don't feel the love they say they give. it's so hard to show your flaws when you hate feeling vulnerable. it's so hard when you want someone to love you as a whole but you don't want to risk getting hurt all over again.

it really is tough out here. i find it funny how much i can relate to you while we have pfps from the same series.

I am sorry you can relate to this :( Sometimes I accept being lonely and enjoy it. But most of the time I get angry at myself.

 

[Argo]

To be honest…no I dont believe that what she said was true. We are mentally ill but we aren't unlovable. We still are human beings with interests, passions and the desire to be loved. My best friend herself is flawed and is the most insecure person I know and shes in a relationship. So why cant I be loved?
Yes its really hard for me to believe that anyone likes me or would love me. But if there is someone out there who would fight for me to see their love then I might change. Someone loving me could convince me to not ctb.
Also I can love other people. I love my friends. I love my family. I love them with my whole heart. I love their flaws, I forgive them, I am happy for them.
I dont think what you describe would happen to me after finding love.
Telling suicidal people that we cant be loved is fucked up.
Yes I feel unlovable and the universe is proving that by my loneliness but I dont believe its impossible to love me. I would love someone that might have similar problems like me even if I would be "healthy".

Don't let me speak for you then, my post wasn't any kind of personal message to you, it was just my opinion of humanity after a long time of looking only for the truth. If I was wrong about it, I would be glad, so I'm rooting for you to find genuine love, good luck.

 

[slightoverlooked]

Don't let me speak for you then, my post wasn't any kind of personal message to you, it was just my opinion of humanity after a long time of looking only for the truth. If I was wrong about it, I would be glad, so I'm rooting for you to find genuine love, good luck.

Thank you. I reacted very emotionally at your response. I dont think you are inherently wrong but I think in me there is still is this little voice that tells me I can be loved the same as I love others in my life. I hope you also find genuine love.

 

[pole]

To be honest…no I dont believe that what she said was true

I'm speaking about myself, not anyone else. but, for me, I agree with your friend + would go beyond that.

I've always sought someone out to care and love me in a way that I could not. a person that can show me that there's something more to myself, different, that I cannot see. maybe my negative self-talk has always been wrong?

when a person like that did come by, the problems still continued. the insecurities and low self-worth seeped into the relationship, causing problems that are difficult for the other person to shoulder, all of which stems from my personal issues.

finally, I agree that it makes me unlovable but not just because of my inability to provide love for myself.

for me, being unlovable also stems from my brokenness. they come into your life, it feels good and what not. however, that all changes when they get too close. the complexity of my problems, the intensity, how I've struggled with them all my life, how it makes me feel, it's all too much.

in these instances, whenever someone got too close and saw just how broken I was as a person, how much they loved me never mattered. my interests, passions, none of it held any weight when a person got close to me because the love for that is taken away and replaced by the intensity of my brokenness. for them, when they got close, it was difficult to see through what I was going through and still be able to truly love me as a person that has interests and passions worth loving, but also comes with a ton of baggage that is heavy and makes them broken.

do I blame the other person? hell no. I am not worth sticking around for. the world is massive, lots of beautiful people out there.

these instances have been painful lessons, but they've been crucial. I've stopped seeking out someone and exhausting myself with filling this gaping hole in my heart as long as I'm suicidal and depressed. I feel at peace now for the first time ever.

another important thing is recognizing that what I feel is very real. I went a long time not facing the music and afraid of confronting the truth. I have since stopped resisting reality and have tried my best to grow comfortable in my loneliness. for me, some people are meant to be alone, and even that thought hurts, I'm okay with that because I'm finally at peace.