Loneliness is so much worse in the summer

[Arvinneedstodie]

After so many years of loneliness, I still can't make it through the summers without breaking down constantly. Summers are so brutal. My thick armors are now off, and my vulnerabilities are on full display. Nothing is hidden or subtle anymore, the world is displaying all its colors at once. Couples and lovers everywhere, young people with hopes and sparks in their eyes, people with friends out forging memories together. All the while I stand in the background holding in the pain, battling my mind for a minute of peace.

 

[3rd worlder issues]

never had friends too. i spend summer in dark small room 1m×1m. its in 7th floor so few wind breathes cheer me bit.
idk man i hate summer indeed

 

[Someone123]

Loneliness is the worst thing, for me it's equally bad for all seasons, but that's because all seasons are almost the the same because I stay inside so much.

 

[novem]

yes it is
its called envy of others having fun

 

[whywere]

Howdy! I can so relate and with that said, I send you huge hugs, love and caring. You are NEVER EVER alone on SS.

I have no family nor friends, except all the fine folks here, and that is why we look out and care for one another. I really, 100% honest, want you to know that you are a very kind, caring and so thoughtful of a person.

It broke my heart reading your post, as no one should ever have to be alone or even feel as such. That is why I want you to have a great weekend filled with beautiful weather, awesome food and drink and all your awesome friends here on SS.

Walter

 

[Nlis2244]

I can relate a lot. The suffering would be unbearable if wouldn't have the option to Ctb. At least being like this I have a possible way out and can try not to think about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that the summer is a very depressing time of year. I'm sorry that you suffer so much, I know that loneliness can be painful for many people. It can be devastating seeing others have what you want. Life is extremely unfair.

 

[Capsaicin78]

Thats why I dont go outside anymore lol. Cant stand the look of happy people, though I am happy for them, it only increases my self-hatred.

 

[Lebensunwertes]

What you've described is the reason why my mood takes a dive come spring and increases towards the end of summer. I have a hard time adjusting myself back to the post-pandemic world as restrictions are coming down in multiple countries and people are allowed to roam the streets back again. They are celebrating life, looking forward to new experiences while I am left to rot away in the corners of my flat. Fall and winter are my favorite seasons for that reason alone. The outside world becomes deserted and I can be at peace. Over the past couple of years the ever groiwng grief over some of my choices has made me develop some form of social phobia where I am particularly uncomfortable among large masses of people, especially if they're below the pensioner age. It's just tiresome to feel like a left out freak, knowing that you in no way fit in with the rest.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

Over the past couple of years the ever groiwng grief over some of my choices has made me develop some form of social phobia where I am particularly uncomfortable among large masses of people, especially if they're below the pensioner age. It's just tiresome to feel like a left out freak, knowing that you in no way fit in with the rest.

That's how it is. I always struggle to hold my sanity together whenever I see people my age out living their best lives. I don't have any bad feelings towards them, but fk me... In moments like those i really wish jealous is all I feel, because that's the least of it all. Regret and hopelessness are much worse.

 

[Lullaby]

I enjoy the Fall/Winter so much more. The holidays are really rough to deal with, but the weather really comforts me. I went down into NYC last week with my dad, and I experienced a lot of what you're talking about.

It was really hard because I couldn't help but focus on everyone around me; happy couples, people out with their friends, some packed and ready to travel somewhere, teens in their gowns graduating, others coming in and out of these fancy apartment buildings.

It was like of my fears, insecurities, and worries were being presented in the form of these people. It gave me so much anxiety and I felt like breaking down crying.

That's why I stay mostly inside during the Summer, I just use the heat as an excuse. Being outside is just too much too deal with around this time.

I would never want anyone to be in my position and go through what I struggle with. I'm glad that there are people who can enjoy the good things about life, I just really wish I could too.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

I went down into NYC last week with my dad, and I experienced a lot of what you're talking about.

It was really hard because I couldn't help but focus on everyone around me; happy couples, people out with their friends, some packed and ready to travel somewhere, teens in their gowns graduating, others coming in and out of these fancy apartment buildings.

Wow I actually live in NYC. A few months ago I worked as a food delivery person so I was constantly bombarded by everything you just described. The people in fancy condos and beautiful people with friends are the exact customers that I deliver food to. You'd think I would become numb to it all, but no, it broke me down eventually.

This whole thing is a cruel joke. A miserable sick lonely loser like me has to hustle my as to deliver expensive food to the the winners in life, just so I can make enough to continue this existence. Is this madness or what???

 

[Message In A Bottle]

I'm the opposite, summer is always a better time of year for me. It's winter/fall that messes with me big time.

I think it's due to lack of sunlight & not being able to enjoy being outdoors as much. I can't take the cold at all.

 

[Lost Magic]

I can't stand summer or winter. Because I am alone a lot so I don't have a lot of people I can share those times with. I may ctb before Christmas because I don't want to feel those strong grieving emotions that I felt for the last 2 years. People are so lucky to have a good support network around about them. It surely does help those folks live more fruitful lives. I'm tired of talking to myself when I am plodding around this big empty house. I did manage to get to London, The Scottish Highlands and a country park for a few breaks last year but I struggled with those trips. I have no desire or energy to go anywhere this year apart from a few local parks and a small hotel visit just to get out of the fucking house for a bit. It's rough and I feel all your pain.

 

[freedompass]

Yup, summer sucks for me too for the same reasons but also because of the suffocating heat and being unable to hide under layers of clothing. I spend a lot of time in my room with the fan blasting. I don't envy the people out picnicking or having BBQs coz it's not really my thing. Only the other day a lady in my support group was describing how great it was in a central London park celebrating the Jubilee with crowds of people from all over the world waving flags and singing the National anthem. She'd genuinely found it uplifting so I kept silent, nodding and smiling as you do but inside I was like 'ugh, pretty much my definition of hell right there' lol. Certainly I do get waves of loneliness at times but roasting in a park somewhere is not a tempting prospect anymore.

 

[Zegers]

Summer is hard not going out and not having plans, friends or anything like that. I don't have much energy or desire but I rented an airbnb to get out of this hellish house for a few days. I probably won't go outside much but I'll have a pool so I won't roast to death. Some people have no idea how crippling loneliness is in the long run, like it drains you of all vitality.

 

[GetMeOut]

After so many years of loneliness,..

As someone famous once said: loneliness has followed me my whole life.

 

[Arvinneedstodie]

As someone famous once said: loneliness has followed me my whole life.

Yes it has. I love Taxi Driver BTW, not many movies can depict loneliness like this.

 

[Smart No More]

Yes it has. I love Taxi Driver BTW, not many movies can depict loneliness like this.

Not the same but very good depiction - I'd like to recommend a couple of films you may appreciate. Punch Drunk Love and Reign Over Me. Teo Adam sandler films believe it or not. Honestly very impressed by him in those two films. Also, don't be throen by the titles. Particularly punch drunk love. It's a classic and has a great cast. Magnolia is another film worth watching if you eant to view suffering catharticly. Bit of a Fargo vibe in there too.

 

[Insomniac]

After so many years of loneliness, I still can't make it through the summers without breaking down constantly. Summers are so brutal. My thick armors are now off, and my vulnerabilities are on full display. Nothing is hidden or subtle anymore, the world is displaying all its colors at once. Couples and lovers everywhere, young people with hopes and sparks in their eyes, people with friends out forging memories together. All the while I stand in the background holding in the pain, battling my mind for a minute of peace.

Insane.

and the worst part? you're slowly losing your youthful appearance.