Venting Loneliness is killing me. I'm forgetting how words become sounds.

[todeswunsch]

I am so lonely.
I have no friends anymore.
I've broke up with by last gf two years ago.
I have no connection with my family. We don't really talk.
I go several weeks without saying a word. I maybe forgetting how to speak.
Speaking is becoming harder everyday it passes. I already struggle with situational mutism.
Now even texting is not so easy.
I have a hard time keeping contact with people.
My social anxiety is too damn strong right now. Being autistic won't help this too.
I read the messages but takes forever to be able to reply. No one want to be friend someone like this.
I had some pretty good friends, but I didn't reply their texts. Again and again, until each one of them gave up on me.
I try my best but all I do in the end of the day is just cry.
I don't want to be alone. No reason to live it there's no one to share.
I feel no pleasure in things knowing that I'll keep them by myself.
I wanted a friend. I wanted a girl. I wanted to be able to socialize.
I wanted a hug. I can't remember the last time I had one.
I wanted to see a smile in someone else's face. I wanted to laugh with someone.
I'm so sad. I'm so lonely. I don't want live like this anymore.
I'm getting old, almost in my 30s. And things don't look like will ever change...
I want to go away, but I'm to coward and lazy to do that.
I just keep here suffering by inertia longing for a simple hug...

Sorry about this. I just need to put this out of my chest. I got no one to tell so I thought posting here.

 

[foxgirl]

I hate that I can relate to everything you've typed out... I'm so sorry life has been unkind to you. I can't give you a hug, so I hope a virtual one means something!
Don't apologize for venting here. We're all here to read and listen because we understand. We do care.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I have a very similar personality profile. Taking low dosage Adderall is the best thing I've been able to find thus that kind of works.

 

[username8888]

Being autistic won't help this too.

Weird right, you say this, but when we were chatting, you were more sane than all the people I met irl combined.
Btw, i am leaving. Thanks for the chat we had.
@tiger b @todeswunsch

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I can relate deeply to that...I moved country alone and during covid I would not speak a word for weeks. That is a terrible existence you're going through...I'm so sorry you lost your friends and you're longing for that connection... There are some apps to make friends close by, like Bumble BFF, but I know it requires a lot of mental capacity that one may not have right now. I did use this app though, several times, got nice results.

Have you considered reaching out to those friends again..? Sometimes that can work quite well, people may be happy to hear from you again. I don't know if that's possible for you but thought it could be worth mentioning. I know nothing online will even come close to a hug... I would give you a hug if I could

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Sorry you are going through this, I can relate to a lot of what you are going through.
Please don't be sorry for getting this down in a post.
This place is the only place we can speak our minds and relate to others who are suffering too.

 

[hi-okbye]

if it means anything, i see how much effort you've been putting in and i'm so sorry it's still such a struggle.

 

[user56765567]

It sucks that you're going through this as well. I'm almost 30 too and feel the same way. I feel like the loneliness is a blackhole just sucking my life away and takes away any moments of peace I can find at times. My heart goes out to you.

 

[todeswunsch]

Thank you guys so much. Had to take a breath, got too emotional. I was crying, needed to recompose myself. So much kind replies not used to it

I hate that I can relate to everything you've typed out... I'm so sorry life has been unkind to you. I can't give you a hug, so I hope a virtual one means something!
Don't apologize for venting here. We're all here to read and listen because we understand. We do care.

Thank you very much. It really means a lot! I'm sorry that you also have to deal with sth similar. Lets share a virtual hug

I have a very similar personality profile. Taking low dosage Adderall is the best thing I've been able to find thus that kind of works.

I'm using Vyvanse currently which should help with that but it didn't for some reason. I may change meds in the near future

Weird right, you say this, but when we were chatting, you were more sane than all the people I met irl combined.
Btw, i am leaving. Thanks for the chat we had.

Thank you! I try my best to be reasonable at least haha It was really a pleasure to chat with you. Good luck on your journey. I wish you the best. May you find the peace you long for!

I can relate deeply to that...I moved country alone and during covid I would not speak a word for weeks. That is a terrible existence you're going through...I'm so sorry you lost your friends and you're longing for that connection... There are some apps to make friends close by, like Bumble BFF, but I know it requires a lot of mental capacity that one may not have right now. I did use this app though, several times, got nice results.

Have you considered reaching out to those friends again..? Sometimes that can work quite well, people may be happy to hear from you again. I don't know if that's possible for you but thought it could be worth mentioning. I know nothing online will even come close to a hug... I would give you a hug if I could

Thank you! I tried these apps, but I'm in a small town rn. I'm moving to a bigger city in hope of find friendships. I'll try these app again then. Hope I find some people that are ok with how I am.
Yeah I think a lot on trying to reach out old friendships, but I fear too much that either they hate me, or I just reapeat the process of no properly replying. I need to take the courage tho. Thank you!

Sorry you are going through this, I can relate to a lot of what you are going through.
Please don't be sorry for getting this down in a post.
This place is the only place we can speak our minds and relate to others who are suffering too.

Thank you! I see your posts here and there and I relate a lot with some of your feelings. Good luck for us!

if it means anything, i see how much effort you've been putting in and i'm so sorry it's still such a struggle.

Thank you a lot! I does mean a lot for me. I have been trying so hard, but sometimes is not enough. I'll keep trying tho. Thank you!

It sucks that you're going through this as well. I'm almost 30 too and feel the same way. I feel like the loneliness is a blackhole just sucking my life away and takes away any moments of peace I can find at times. My heart goes out to you.

I'm sorry you're going though this too. Loneliness really takes the pleasure of things. Thank you. Good luck for us!

 

[SenseOfLoss]

Your words are very touching. I feel for you.

 

[tiger b]

Weird right, you say this, but when we were chatting, you were more sane than all the people I met irl combined.
Btw, i am leaving. Thanks for the chat we had.
@tiger b @todeswunsch

I never got to say goodbye. I know you're hurting a lot. Best wishes in whatever you do, may you find the peace you definitely deserve, you're a good guy.