Loneliness, fear and emptiness at night

[madbananas]

Does anyone else get this? I can't sleep. I'm also scared to try and go to sleep because of how lonely and anxious but empty I am at the same time, and I'm scared of my thoughts during the time it will take to fall asleep. I feel so weird. I've had so much going on in my life at the moment where I have basically been shunned by people I care about because I had an incident where my mental health declined.

 

[Blackpoolbootz]

Yes the negative ruminations seem to be worse at night, someone given me anatripaline to take which I do when bad. Can sympathize with the empty feeling. Sorry to hear about problems your having some people don't know how to handle people with anything to do with mental health problems :-( I've stop talking to people about it they don't get it, and not much they could do even if they did :-(

 

[madbananas]

Yes the negative ruminations seem to be worse at night, someone given me anatripaline to take which I do when bad. Can sympathize with the empty feeling. Sorry to hear about problems your having some people don't know how to handle people with anything to do with mental health problems :-( I've stop talking to people about it they don't get it, and not much they could do even if they did :-(

Thank you for the reply :) it's so frustrating because these people shout about on social media how compassionate they are and how much they care about mental health/illness. It's concerning how people do that when they then ghost people who have a crisis. Very disappointing :( thankfully the community of people on this website are genuine and understanding. I've recently been prescribed a benzodiazepine which I've been taking just here and there. I might take one the now.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Nights are the worst ...... I often leave my bedroom and just sit on the living room couch staring into dark nothing until I get tired enough about 2:00 to lean over into a ball and sleep. Sometimes I get a small panic attack, but 95% of the time I just stare ..... for hours. Empty ..... don't care about anything .... not really classically "depressed" so much as just dead inside.

 

[Blackpoolbootz]

Yea this site is great, I was a member of elefriends but it's heaverly censored :-(. I get one person text me if I say I'm low on Facebook but just put I want chearing up :-(. A good mate of mine listeners to me sometimes interjects a bit of comedy to make me laugh. Benzos are good, here in UK very hard to get any from doctor, I've only took diazapam but they don't realy touch me at all. Even when I'm in extreme panic mode

 

[madbananas]

Nights are the worst ...... I often leave my bedroom and just sit on the living room couch staring into dark nothing until I get tired enough about 2:00 to lean over into a ball and sleep. Sometimes I get a small panic attack, but 95% of the time I just stare ..... for hours. Empty ..... don't care about anything .... not really classically "depressed" so much as just dead inside.

they are horrible. I feel like an alien at the best of times but at night I feel really weird. Sorry you go through that. I've literally opened up the sofa bed in my living room lol and will fall asleep at some point there. I really relate to the dead inside part of what you said. I'm just reading through this forum which makes me feel less lonely and have stand up comedy on Netflix on in the background.

 

[Epsilon0]

Yes, I get what you're talking about. Nights are the worst. I think it's the lack of natural light that influences the feel-good hormones in the brain.

 

[madbananas]

Yes, I get what you're talking about. Nights are the worst. I think it's the lack of natural light that influences the feel-good hormones in the brain.

That makes sense. It's horrible. It's still a pain to wake up in the morning but night time induced a sense of serious hollowness and impending doom which just sits in my chest.

 

[sleepless]

I agree nights are the worst. Sometimes you lay there, with the same bad thoughts replaying in your head. Till this day, I wish that when I go to bed every night, I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

 

[madbananas]

Yea this site is great, I was a member of elefriends but it's heaverly censored :-(. I get one person text me if I say I'm low on Facebook but just put I want chearing up :-(. A good mate of mine listeners to me sometimes interjects a bit of comedy to make me laugh. Benzos are good, here in UK very hard to get any from doctor, I've only took diazapam but they don't realy touch me at all. Even when I'm in extreme panic mode

I'm in the UK too and was given diazepam. Like yourself, it has barely touched me recently. I reckon they only gave me it because all of this is stemmed from an external circumstance which could be easily sorted but has trapped me and I've been left completely high and dry at a crucial point in my life. Thankfully my doc is also going to act on my behalf now. So many people are cruel it's unreal and make themselves look altruistic simply as a way to boost their self-esteem :(

 

[madbananas]

I agree nights are the worst. Sometimes you lay there, with the same bad thoughts replaying in your head. Till this day, I wish that when I go to bed every night, I wouldn't wake up in the morning.

This is what I'm like as well. And it feels so awful the second of waking up in the morning and realising 'here we go again'. It is literal torture.

 

[waterbottleman]

My mood is actually elevated at night. Idk why but I tend to feel better at night when it's dark than during the day.

 

[madbananas]

My mood is actually elevated at night. Idk why but I tend to feel better at night when it's dark than during the day.

does that interfere with your sleep at all if you don't mind me asking? :)

 

[waterbottleman]

does that interfere with your sleep at all if you don't mind me asking? :)

Yeah it does actually.

I stay up late when I can. HoWeber due to basic responsibilities I have to sleep early and wake up early.

 

[Taki]

I'm like this more when I wake up, usually around 330. I kind of lie there in terror and it feels like dying needs to happen urgently. Sometimes it's bad in the evenings so I'll try to sleep on the floor or in another room, even a closet. I think I know what you mean. I feel extremely isolated.

 

[GoBack]

There is something about 3.00 am or around it, waking up in panic. I sleep all over the place too, couch , maybe bed if it's cold. Doubt I'll ever sleep properly again. I have to sleep a bit to switch off but terrified of that waking up mid nightmare every night.

 

[madbananas]

There is something about 3.00 am or around it, waking up in panic. I sleep all over the place too, couch , maybe bed if it's cold. Doubt I'll ever sleep properly again. I have to sleep a bit to switch off but terrified of that waking up mid nightmare every night.

I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what that must be like with sleep being my only escape. From what you're saying it is like you don't have that. I occasionally panic beyond belief but I've never had that panic during the night.

 

[GoBack]

I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what that must be like with sleep being my only escape. From what you're saying it is like you don't have that. I occasionally panic beyond belief but I've never had that panic during the night.

Thanks it's torture. Sleep was sacred to me, feel really alone without it. Like no safety blanket

 

[GoBack]

Around this time I start to get worried about the night on its way.

 

[madbananas]

Around this time I start to get worried about the night on its way.

same here. I've decided to get drunk tonight which isn't helpful in the long run but it's all I have left. Keeping myself watching comedy stuff might help me a bit in combination with this forum. This forum has been the most genuine interactions I've had in a long time where I don't feel I'm being continuously "assessed". And hopefully a physical hangover tomorrow might slightly distract me from the emotional pain.

 

[Taki]

There is something about 3.00 am or around it, waking up in panic. I sleep all over the place too, couch , maybe bed if it's cold. Doubt I'll ever sleep properly again. I have to sleep a bit to switch off but terrified of that waking up mid nightmare every night.

I have the same problem and occasionally take meds for it, Clonazepam. Helps reset the clock though it inevitably goes off again.

same here. I've decided to get drunk tonight which isn't helpful in the long run but it's all I have left. Keeping myself watching comedy stuff might help me a bit in combination with this forum. This forum has been the most genuine interactions I've had in a long time where I don't feel I'm being continuously "assessed". And hopefully a physical hangover tomorrow might slightly distract me from the emotional pain.

That's difficult. Often when I get home from work I look at the clock and count the hours before bed, and dread the rest of the evening. If I'm home at 5 it means six hours of isolation and silence. I drink occasionally before bed, bourbon.