Venting Living got worse.

[lunarpixels]

You're fucking telling me that the best friend I've had is telling me he's falling for me? Like why the fuck do you want someone like me? If anything, "love" is just another word for "I plan on causing you harm to egg you on towards your eventual CTB desire."

I ask for all of this shit to stop and things get harder. He's contacted me without my husband knowing, and he also has a past with him. And so, I don't know what to do. And I know I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I don't know if this would be trading the lesser of 2 evils (at least my friend is one who gives affection, but I'm scared it's also considered lovebombing) or what.

I think the best thing to do is trauma-dump on him and tell him that he looks like a very abusive asshole I dated and my entire complex around that. Maybe it'll be a romance killer for him. It could backfire, but who the fuck knows?

I have a very new plan for CTB: there's this antibiotic I'm on, and the doctor told me not to ingest alcohol because of profuse vomiting being a huge thing. So... I have a huge bottle of vodka to chase all of it down with. The thing about all of this is that I not only have this idea to become completely sick, but if I can add something else to where I would be dehydrated or unable to breathe.... Maybe this could work.

I don't care about the fucking pain anymore. I'm going to try it again.

 

[BornHated]

for CTB you mentioned a husband... I'm guessing you live with him? Keep in mind it's really, really hard to CTB via poisoning with most medications. You're likely to get caught and sent to ER because of how long most of it takes, if it succeeds in the first place. Most of the time it just causes like, an organ to fail or something and you have to survive with it until you ctb. Stuff can really deal damage if you don't know exactly what you're doing.

I'm sorry about the rest of the situation- I'm really bad at managaing interpersonal relationships myself, so I don't have much to offer. ;_; It sucks, I'm sorry you gotta deal with that.

 

[SilentSadness]

Why do you hate him so much? Did he do something to you?

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly can be so awful when existing just gets worse, life really is so unnecessarily cruel and it's understandable wishing to be free from the suffering that existing brings. I wish you the best.

 

[lunarpixels]

Why do you hate him so much? Did he do something to you?

My husband gaslights me. I catch him in a bad mood and he throws things and screams at me. He blames all the misery on me.

As for the friend... I'm bad at attracting potential mates, so that means that he's probably going to be abusive. Given my history, I think it's a 95% chance I'll be smitten and manipulated. I'm tired of the abuse cycle. I want it to end.

 

[chocolatebar]

Sorry if it sounds like a cliché question, but... do you really need to be with your husband if he's abusive to you? Don't you think its not nice to consider other people while not officially over with him?

Perhaps, you're overwhelming you even more with all that, and making things even worse for you. If you took some space for yourself, perhaps, you'd be able to breath some fresh air and be a little at ease. At least, you wouldn't have to think about such things.

But of course, I'm just someone from the outside who has no idea what your life is like, and I may not get it.

 

[lunarpixels]

Sorry if it sounds like a cliché question, but... do you really need to be with your husband if he's abusive to you? Don't you think its not nice to consider other people while not officially over with him?

Perhaps, you're overwhelming you even more with all that, and making things even worse for you. If you took some space for yourself, perhaps, you'd be able to breath some fresh air and be a little at ease. At least, you wouldn't have to think about such things.

But of course, I'm just someone from the outside who has no idea what your life is like, and I may not get it.

I would be homeless, no medication whatsoever, beyond a nervous wreck. If I left him, all of my family would shun me due to religion. Then I would CTB.
Either way, I'm going to CTB, so the sooner the better.

 

[chocolatebar]

I would be homeless, no medication whatsoever, beyond a nervous wreck. If I left him, all of my family would shun me due to religion. Then I would CTB.
Either way, I'm going to CTB, so the sooner the better.

So sorry for you r situation...
And sorry for asking such obvious questions.

It disturbs me a lot to see religious families still making each other's lives unnecessarily worse, because of stupid and ancient restrictive rules. it's as if people's happiness annoy religious people, and they want to see others suffering instead.

Being dependent on someone is terrible. I'm still dependent on my family, despite my age, and it has cost me all of my life. Such scenarios can really impede us from living a normal life :(

By the way, have you told us how you found yourself in this situation in any thread?

 

[lunarpixels]

So sorry for you r situation...
And sorry for asking such obvious questions.

It disturbs me a lot to see religious families still making each other's lives unnecessarily worse, because of stupid and ancient restrictive rules. it's as if people's happiness annoy religious people, and they want to see others suffering instead.

Being dependent on someone is terrible. I'm still dependent on my family, despite my age, and it has cost me all of my life. Such scenarios can really impede us from living a normal life :(

By the way, have you told us how you found yourself in this situation in any thread?

Yeah, it just gets worse. My story is literally this:

Lots of death since the age of 3 in my life. I've been emotionally abused by most peers since 5. (I have weight issues due to hormones, and was called fat in front of the whole cafeteria. Everyone laughed. I was only 7.) Been depressed since I was 9. They "saved" me via suicide prevention. I've had men groom me. I've had a therapist try hooking up with me. I've been sexually harassed and assaulted many times. I was in a cult and found my way out only to get married to an abusive prick. This other guy, yeah, he likes me, but literally... He's got the same name and face as my first boyfriend, and he's okay, I guess, but, he tries making me feel worthy and....

lmao, I'm obviously not worth the effort.

 

[chocolatebar]

Yeah, it just gets worse. My story is literally this:

Lots of death since the age of 3 in my life. I've been emotionally abused by most peers since 5. (I have weight issues due to hormones, and was called fat in front of the whole cafeteria. Everyone laughed. I was only 7.) Been depressed since I was 9. They "saved" me via suicide prevention. I've had men groom me. I've had a therapist try hooking up with me. I've been sexually harassed and assaulted many times. I was in a cult and found my way out only to get married to an abusive prick. This other guy, yeah, he likes me, but literally... He's got the same name and face as my first boyfriend, and he's okay, I guess, but, he tries making me feel worthy and....

lmao, I'm obviously not worth the effort.

So sorry for all this, and sorry if my first comment sounded inappropriate. It's so desperate to see yourself in a situation in which you have no control.

Have you looked if there are initiatives to help women who are victim of doemstic abuse where you live? Some even offer temporary shelter, but it depends a lot on where you live.

 

[lunarpixels]

So sorry for all this, and sorry if my first comment sounded inappropriate. It's so desperate to see yourself in a situation in which you have no control.

Have you looked if there are initiatives to help women who are victim of doemstic abuse where you live? Some even offer temporary shelter, but it depends a lot on where you live.

The only source I have is a shelter.
Of course it had to hire an offender of sorts, so it's under fire and I don't feel safe there.

When it comes to inappropriate questions, I've honestly heard much worse. You're good.

 

[chocolatebar]

The only source I have is a shelter.
Of course it had to hire an offender of sorts, so it's under fire and I don't feel safe there.

When it comes to inappropriate questions, I've honestly heard much worse. You're good.

Ouch. I hate when the people running those places are offender themselves. It not only defeats the entire purpose, but it also make people think others aren't seeking help when they refuse to go there.

And I wonder how those people have a tendency to run such places. Perhaps they try to slip themselves in there seeking fragile people...

 

[Archness]

Perhaps they try to slip themselves in there seeking fragile people.

That's how predators work, they're on the prowl looking for prey .

Horrid situation you're in, fucked either way, eh? When it comes to that "friend" you suspect of being a manipulator, you shouldn't try to shoo them away with trauma-dumping or whatever. They'd just cling on more and put on a whole savior-act. You just gotta cut-him-off, cold turkey, as much as you can atleast.

Well, that's my idea.