Venting Living for others is hard....

[ham and potatoes]

Basically, I'm just living for others at this point.
Been in a dark place for a while now...
Nothing in life really brings me joy anymore. The hobbies I once had just seen like chore now, I don't like hanging out with people or going places anymore.
The only reason I'm still around is because my parents and brother.
I could take the easy way out and end it, ive got the means.
But i feel like that would just be passing my suffering from me onto them, and they don't deserve that. I'm not so sure it wouldn't push them over the edge too....
So, im going to keep trying to get better/ find meds that help. Not sure how long I'll be able to keep going, as I know if I don't find something that helps, I can't go on like this forever.
Just my rant for the day

 

[Interestedsadboi25]

I know how it feels man...
I wish you the best of luck and hope you get better.

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be tiring being in that situation, I certainly understand feeling so tired of suffering in this existence. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope that you find what you search for.

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I kind of wish I had someone to live for. It would give me a reason to stay

 

[Valhala]

The worst thing is to have someone you love and with whom and for whom you would live and you know that you are not together because of your fault - it is constant pressure and emotional pain 24 hours a day.

 

[KillingPain267]

Basically, I'm just living for others at this point.
Been in a dark place for a while now...
Nothing in life really brings me joy anymore. The hobbies I once had just seen like chore now, I don't like hanging out with people or going places anymore.
The only reason I'm still around is because my parents and brother.
I could take the easy way out and end it, ive got the means.
But i feel like that would just be passing my suffering from me onto them, and they don't deserve that. I'm not so sure it wouldn't push them over the edge too....
So, im going to keep trying to get better/ find meds that help. Not sure how long I'll be able to keep going, as I know if I don't find something that helps, I can't go on like this forever.
Just my rant for the day

This sounds like my life to a T! I just cope at this point to try to stick around for my parents and younger brother who I don't intend to hurt, but I'm just tired pretending to feel okay. I've tried all kinds of meds and doses but it seems like even my doctor has given up, and now just says to try talking walks and keep pushing myself out of the comfort zone (which is VERY umcomfortable to). I don't feel like even going outside, and neither can I work. So I just... exist, rather than live a life.

I kind of wish I had someone to live for. It would give me a reason to stay

Trust me, it's not comforting when you live in pain and just want out. Trying not to hurt my family by ctb, makes it feel like my family is an obstacle to end my pain. I might sound evil, but sometimes I wish my family would die first so they don't have to endure the sorrow of finding me dead.