Venting Literally only living for my cats

[beatenghost]

If I didn't have my two cats I would be gone right now. I love my cats with my entire heart. I would honestly do anything for them. I am enduring this pain for them and them only. But god the pain is so unbearable. This world is so cruel, I can't protect them if I abandon them in it but I don't see any option for me. It's either endure at least another 15 years of unimaginable pain or I must go through returning them to their foster home before CTB. CTB is far easier than the act of giving over my own two baby boys to the world, scared and confused, heartbroken that their mother abandoned them how I did. They can't understand what i'm going through, all they'll come away with is broken hearts and pain they don't even fully understnad. Why why why why was I put into this life. Why was I cursed with a heart that loves them so much. Why couldn't I stop feeling.

 

[Life_and_Death]

They can't understand what i'm going through

why cant they? my girls understand. they are always by my side watching over me and whenever i am upset they are always right there for cuddles.

 

[beatenghost]

why cant they? my girls understand. they are always by my side watching over me and whenever i am upset they are always right there for cuddles.

Of course they understand I'm in pain, my older cat is very emotional and is always trying to comfort me. I more mean that they don't understand the depth of the pain and the severity, how overwhelming it is. He really does try his best to comfort me, I just don't think he understands that I'm at a level of pain that would justify CTB

 

[Ghost2211]

It's so hard living for others. Not being able to leave helpless creatures behind. My heart goes out to you. I wish there was something I could say or do to make it easier, but there isn't. Hopefully knowing you're not the only one in the boat can help. One day at a time.

 

[FusRohDracarys]

I understand where you're coming from. I often worry about what would happen to my two if I CTB suddenly. I don't have any definitive or comforting answers, so for now I'm stuck, but I take solace in knowing they love me so much and I'm so very lucky to have this tiny sliver of goodness in an otherwise crappy world.

 

[Mooshi]

If I didn't have my two cats I would be gone right now. I love my cats with my entire heart. I would honestly do anything for them. I am enduring this pain for them and them only. But god the pain is so unbearable. This world is so cruel, I can't protect them if I abandon them in it but I don't see any option for me. It's either endure at least another 15 years of unimaginable pain or I must go through returning them to their foster home before CTB. CTB is far easier than the act of giving over my own two baby boys to the world, scared and confused, heartbroken that their mother abandoned them how I did. They can't understand what i'm going through, all they'll come away with is broken hearts and pain they don't even fully understnad. Why why why why was I put into this life. Why was I cursed with a heart that loves them so much. Why couldn't I stop feeling.

gosh, I know how you feel. I feel the same exact way. The only reason I'm still alive is because of my 2 pet geese. I love them with all my heart but I'm in unbearable pain.. I'm sorry you are going through this..

 

[Shades of Grey]

I hear you. ❤

I've spent the past 18 years living primarily for my cat. Now, his body is failing and I feel in many ways that my work here is done.

 

[massiveblackhole]

Cats are life. Without cats what is even the point? Feel for you and your dilemma though. I suppose they would move on though. Cats are fickle like that. I don't know how good their memory is either so if you could find a good home for them they will be happy and eventually not remember you...don't know if that makes you feel any better...

I kind of have a similar dilemma but with my Mum. I don't want to break her heart by killing myself while she's alive but if I don't know if I can wait till she passes...also I have a partner who is so loving and understanding of my suicidal tendencies I feel bad if I leave him behind...

 

[Mr2005]

Cats are life. Without cats what is even the point? Feel for you and your dilemma though. I suppose they would move on though. Cats are fickle like that. I don't know how good their memory is either so if you could find a good home for them they will be happy and eventually not remember you...don't know if that makes you feel any better...

I kind of have a similar dilemma but with my Mum. I don't want to break her heart by killing myself while she's alive but if I don't know if I can wait till she passes...also I have a partner who is so loving and understanding of my suicidal tendencies I feel bad if I leave him behind...

Cat and girlfriend for me. That's my life. Unfortunately ruined by other things. I don't care what my mum thinks or anyone else for that matter. I deserve to die and they deserve me to be dead but cat and girlfriend don't. This is so unfair

 

[tidalwxves]

If I didn't have my two cats I would be gone right now. I love my cats with my entire heart. I would honestly do anything for them. I am enduring this pain for them and them only. But god the pain is so unbearable. This world is so cruel, I can't protect them if I abandon them in it but I don't see any option for me. It's either endure at least another 15 years of unimaginable pain or I must go through returning them to their foster home before CTB. CTB is far easier than the act of giving over my own two baby boys to the world, scared and confused, heartbroken that their mother abandoned them how I did. They can't understand what i'm going through, all they'll come away with is broken hearts and pain they don't even fully understnad. Why why why why was I put into this life. Why was I cursed with a heart that loves them so much. Why couldn't I stop feeling.

Maybe it's about a perspective shift, if you love them so much maybe consider not only how they need you but how you need them. Try to focus on the joy they bring you. I'm sorry you are in so much pain, but having something to hold on to isn't bad. I hope things get more peaceful for you