hate_myself
Member
- Feb 27, 2020
- 14
To some it's just a biblical tale that's just a thing after you die, to me is simply the way I'm living right now.
Ever had a feeling that you are swimming in tar? swimming in something that appears heavy, and dense? also that while you're trapped there there's something chasing you, comming your way, it is something that you can see coming a mile away, you know it's gonna happen; but then and there you give up. you're unable to move foward or backwards, and simply don't care what happens to you.
I have been there for the longest time, if I don't finish "this" then "this" will happen. But then I do nothing to prevent it, it's as if all will to live has passed, somehow....you don't want to die either. its as if you're emotionally stuck, and your body wants you to keep on suffering. it's a self hate so big, that it's as if you are being run over by a car again and again; you could move out of the way, but you dont; you coud simply end youself and dont feel the car comming towards you again, but you don't.
you simply stand there, and get run over again, and again. You get jealous of other people, they can walk away, they have something pushing them. Everyone else but you seems to have a "dream", "pasion", "drive"; no matter how small, they are able to move, yet you stand there, it's as if you hate youself to the point where you an only stau alive to see youself be run over again and again.
I have been stuck there for 2 years, I don't have a trace of a dream. I don't have a drive. I don't have something to push me to get better or learn something new.
when I have spend my time trying to learn things, it is out of a sense to forget my depression, not out of my love from them. I am stuck in limbo, where I can't die.
it's as if I wanna see how much suffering I can take, and if I can see how much I can lose.
I can't move.
I'm stuck.
I'm not living, I just exist.
Limbo is living for me.
I'm already in Limbo.
english is my second language tell me if I wrote something wrong-
Ever had a feeling that you are swimming in tar? swimming in something that appears heavy, and dense? also that while you're trapped there there's something chasing you, comming your way, it is something that you can see coming a mile away, you know it's gonna happen; but then and there you give up. you're unable to move foward or backwards, and simply don't care what happens to you.
I have been there for the longest time, if I don't finish "this" then "this" will happen. But then I do nothing to prevent it, it's as if all will to live has passed, somehow....you don't want to die either. its as if you're emotionally stuck, and your body wants you to keep on suffering. it's a self hate so big, that it's as if you are being run over by a car again and again; you could move out of the way, but you dont; you coud simply end youself and dont feel the car comming towards you again, but you don't.
you simply stand there, and get run over again, and again. You get jealous of other people, they can walk away, they have something pushing them. Everyone else but you seems to have a "dream", "pasion", "drive"; no matter how small, they are able to move, yet you stand there, it's as if you hate youself to the point where you an only stau alive to see youself be run over again and again.
I have been stuck there for 2 years, I don't have a trace of a dream. I don't have a drive. I don't have something to push me to get better or learn something new.
when I have spend my time trying to learn things, it is out of a sense to forget my depression, not out of my love from them. I am stuck in limbo, where I can't die.
it's as if I wanna see how much suffering I can take, and if I can see how much I can lose.
I can't move.
I'm stuck.
I'm not living, I just exist.
Limbo is living for me.
I'm already in Limbo.
english is my second language tell me if I wrote something wrong-
