SexyIncél
🍭my lollipop brings the feminists to my candyshop
- Aug 16, 2022
- 1,484
Just nonlinear reflections. Anyone not amused, fuck off & go read something else 
I read @Archness's writeup. I see @Meditation guide was ultimately on the right side of a problem. I was on the wrong side
@Archness was being fair, in saying he might not be a predator. But I mean, if someone ignores your words in pursuit of their individual pleasures — probably over 50% chance they're an abuser
And it doesn't matter if he was mentally ill. That's normal. (An even more mentally ill guy I knew attacked 2 underaged girls. His whining was pitable, during our counterattack. Maybe he truly believed he was innocent. But the counterattack was still necessary. Because otherwise he would've coasted on the shoulders of those defending him)
I was being retarded. Pondering my retardacity over udon noodles, I remembered something
I hadn't quite understood why I went to a different country to die last year
There was a guy I knew. He was noble, fun & suffered for doing what was right. It was impossible for me not to love him. After he suddenly died, his wife told me he loved me too
His friends watched me help her. Not warning me that she maybe killed him. Eventually, I saw her abusing people, and had to disable her from doing so. Then I discovered what they didn't tell me. Had I known, I could've investigated further. And easily gotten point-blank close to her, if she did the deed
I once saw his friends as the pinnacle of cool. But they were unlike him. They were cowards for not warning me
People protected her. Just like they protected his previous gf, who bragged (as usual) at his wake about cucking him. We had to eject her. Then a coworker of his broke down crying in front of everyone, regretting she didn't believe him when he disclosed his ex's abusiveness... though he did so much for her when no one else cared. And now she's alone
I once realized something: they train us to fight brilliantly for elites. Why not take their tools — cognitive enhancements & obscure philosophies — and fight alongside the underdog? Doesn't pay as well, but certainly more adventurous
Only problem is... even the underdogs are usually... less than inspiring. Not good for my morale
Last year I stopped caring. I was in a clinic for the first time in life. My cognition was rekt; I felt like an animal who dreamt it was once human
Then I travelled to a faraway place I've never been before, to die. Slept with my shotgun like a teddybear; put girlie stickers on it. Printed pics of people I loved, so they'd be the last thing I'd see. Tried writing them stories, but my cognition was weak & they sucked
I could've obtained something to keep me alive. But I had no energy. Would've taken me a year of prep to find it
Four days before I was going to die, a couple people on sasu offered me a cause I'd always wanted to fight for. I came alive again. I became a human who once degenerated into an animal
My friends had assumed I was dead; they'd taken my stuff I welcomed them to; one wore my jacket & boots
Now I'm at the top of my life. I have everything I most deeply wanted, even the lurid crazy things. ESPECIALLY the lurid crazy things.
I'm faster than ever. It's good to die now, unwrinkled, loved
But I'm tired of people
I mean, I love some of them. We laugh, do crazy shit in public, make beautiful things for each other
But I can't become old
Suicidal people refuse to partner with me. They think I'm sick for dying when people love me, with no health problems & various advantages. They demand I see a shrink
Promortalist prolifers
I tell them to shut the fuck up about it, because they're putting me into a corner. They refuse to understand I must be willing to be on the cusp of nonexistence — dying out of sheer amusement — or I'll be a life-clinging coward like the rest of the animals
no
We are a dance of particles coalescing into atoms, coalescing into molecules, coalescing into cells, coalescing into organs, coalescing into me
When I win this one last time — or fail unrecoverably — I'm dead
I read @Archness's writeup. I see @Meditation guide was ultimately on the right side of a problem. I was on the wrong side
@Archness was being fair, in saying he might not be a predator. But I mean, if someone ignores your words in pursuit of their individual pleasures — probably over 50% chance they're an abuser
And it doesn't matter if he was mentally ill. That's normal. (An even more mentally ill guy I knew attacked 2 underaged girls. His whining was pitable, during our counterattack. Maybe he truly believed he was innocent. But the counterattack was still necessary. Because otherwise he would've coasted on the shoulders of those defending him)
I was being retarded. Pondering my retardacity over udon noodles, I remembered something
I hadn't quite understood why I went to a different country to die last year
There was a guy I knew. He was noble, fun & suffered for doing what was right. It was impossible for me not to love him. After he suddenly died, his wife told me he loved me too
His friends watched me help her. Not warning me that she maybe killed him. Eventually, I saw her abusing people, and had to disable her from doing so. Then I discovered what they didn't tell me. Had I known, I could've investigated further. And easily gotten point-blank close to her, if she did the deed
I once saw his friends as the pinnacle of cool. But they were unlike him. They were cowards for not warning me
People protected her. Just like they protected his previous gf, who bragged (as usual) at his wake about cucking him. We had to eject her. Then a coworker of his broke down crying in front of everyone, regretting she didn't believe him when he disclosed his ex's abusiveness... though he did so much for her when no one else cared. And now she's alone
I once realized something: they train us to fight brilliantly for elites. Why not take their tools — cognitive enhancements & obscure philosophies — and fight alongside the underdog? Doesn't pay as well, but certainly more adventurous
Only problem is... even the underdogs are usually... less than inspiring. Not good for my morale
Last year I stopped caring. I was in a clinic for the first time in life. My cognition was rekt; I felt like an animal who dreamt it was once human
Then I travelled to a faraway place I've never been before, to die. Slept with my shotgun like a teddybear; put girlie stickers on it. Printed pics of people I loved, so they'd be the last thing I'd see. Tried writing them stories, but my cognition was weak & they sucked
I could've obtained something to keep me alive. But I had no energy. Would've taken me a year of prep to find it
Four days before I was going to die, a couple people on sasu offered me a cause I'd always wanted to fight for. I came alive again. I became a human who once degenerated into an animal
My friends had assumed I was dead; they'd taken my stuff I welcomed them to; one wore my jacket & boots
Now I'm at the top of my life. I have everything I most deeply wanted, even the lurid crazy things. ESPECIALLY the lurid crazy things.
I'm faster than ever. It's good to die now, unwrinkled, lovedBut I'm tired of people
I mean, I love some of them. We laugh, do crazy shit in public, make beautiful things for each other
But I can't become old
Suicidal people refuse to partner with me. They think I'm sick for dying when people love me, with no health problems & various advantages. They demand I see a shrink
Promortalist prolifers
I tell them to shut the fuck up about it, because they're putting me into a corner. They refuse to understand I must be willing to be on the cusp of nonexistence — dying out of sheer amusement — or I'll be a life-clinging coward like the rest of the animals
no
We are a dance of particles coalescing into atoms, coalescing into molecules, coalescing into cells, coalescing into organs, coalescing into me
When I win this one last time — or fail unrecoverably — I'm dead
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