I have an existential crisis all the time and often have slumps of nihilism, there are so many things we could change. A man once told me if he could go back to when he was my age, he'd study a little harder. Frankly, I could tell myself that, but knowing how I am it wouldn't do anything. My answer is, I would have jumped off the Vessel (a public attraction in ny) when I visited. It's closed now due to all the suicides that happened, I think I was 13 when I went (can't remember) and I didn't have depression at the time which is why I didn't jump. Looking back, if I knew what I know now I would have done it, my life was a ticking time bomb to begin with, I just ignored all the signs until they came crashing down on me. If I do ctb soon, I'll definitely apologize to my mom and sister for all that they tried to tell me, although it doesn't matter anymore. We have always had a strained relationship from the advice they tried to give and inadvertently control over my life which led me to push them away.