Venting Life might "get better", but the goalpost keeps moving, so it doesn't actually get better

[RosebyAnyName]

I hated gradeschool. I was bullied a lot, and struggled with some of the material. But, I told myself "it gets better later, it will all be worth it."

Then, I hated highschool. I didn't make any friends and I couldn't afford any hobbies, so all I could do was doomscroll. But I told myself I'd have more freedom in university, and it will be worth tolerating.

Then, I hated university. The workload was unbearable and I was too anxious to do anything enjoyable. I told myself I'd have more time once I got a job, where I could leave all my work obligations at the end of my work day and have free time to do anything I wanted, and I'd have the money to support my hobbies while savings towards my goals.

Then I learn that my current job won't quite make enough money for me to afford a home, so I needed to take an extra course to get a promotion. I hate it, and now I still have to work full-time but with none of the free time to enjoy my hobbies like I told myself I'd have.

Is this just it? Will it "be all worth it" once (if) I finish that course? Because so far, it's never actually gotten better, it's just gotten more difficult with more and more I need to do just to enjoy life at all. And I'll tell myself "it gets better" until more and more problems pile on and I'll never actually have time to enjoy any of the things I wanted to. Life just feels like I'm endlessly deferring the actual "living" part for more mindless slog because society told me it would get me the success and happiness I need just for life to be bearable. Now I'm just tired and anxious all the time, with none of my goals in reach.

 

[kyhoti]

Yep, this is it. If you're up for suggestions, I'd say "lower your expectations." Go for little wins at first, free victories like enjoying a walk through the trees, or savoring a nice cup of your very favorite beverage. It really is about the journey.

Sometimes the best part of my day is a cup of coffee made just the way I like it. I used to enjoy it in the cool of the morning on my porch, just breathing and smoking a cigarette. Now there's no more porch for me anymore, but I can still have my little win before diving back into this shit-pool of a dumpster fire that is the world.

Hm, now I've added a good cup of joe and a smoke to my exit strayegy. Thanks for posting and may you find the peace you seek.

 

[-Link-]

One thing I've learned along the way: Life doesn't automatically get better.

Waiting for external solutions to internal problems.

To anyone reading this who's waiting for things to "just get better..." You need to find a different strategy as soon as possible.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Life is an endless hydra snake: solve one problem, two more take its place.

 

[sweetcreep]

i think for some lucky and/or hardworking people, things do get better. but that's just some of the population. most of us are just meant to be another cog in the machine, working and living to help other people profit. i hope you get some free time to actually live your life after all the time you've invested in it.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Sadly, I think so much of life is a compromise. Finding the lesser of the evils. For example- how much do you hate domestic tasks versus how willing are you to put up with a messy living environment? If your dream job means working all hours and dealing with people you don't like, will you settle for a less than dream job in order to have more time and less stress? Of course, the major problem is when our prefered choices can't even fulfil our most basic needs.

I'd also add that- even when we do achieve what we want, it may not seem enough. I think we are geared up to always be striving for more. In a way, that can be a good thing. It motivates us to keep going and improve. In another way though, we may never really appreciate where we are. What we've accomplished and if we lose it- that's even worse.

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

Yeah, societies are built in this ways intentionally, when you're young you are raised to belief that you need to achieve good grades, so that you can achieve the goal of a degree or so that you can graduate, which you have been told throughout your entire life that is something you need. Which isn't wrong, though it is meaningless peace of paper, it does bring you artificial benefit simply because it gives you the key to the next stage of your life. Where upon reaching this new stage you are given a new set of goals that you are told you need to achieve, It's a brutal cycle of setting goals, achieving them, feeling a sense of artificial accomplishment, and then finding a new set of goals to try and achieve. This is really no different than an addict seeking out harder and harder drugs once the old ones no longer hit as hard as they used to.

But all for what purpose, none, it's simply just human nature, humans trying their hardest to find meaning where there is none.

 

[wCvML2]

I really relate, what kept me going until I became suicidal was usually a mirage of a better life that might materialize after passing a certain goalpost but because the goalpost keeps getting pushed further away, one might question its likelihood of happening at all. I think that what led to a mental breakdown I had in uni was that my miserable past self in high school thought that after finishing school and becoming an adult I would suddenly feel different but it didn't really happen. I still felt miserable in uni like I did in high school so the mirage faded out and only a "desert" was left in plain sight. Now my next goal for a better life is to move away to another country, but it might be just another mirage that will fade away leaving me stranded in a desert.

 

[Anonymoususer1234]

I hated gradeschool. I was bullied a lot, and struggled with some of the material. But, I told myself "it gets better later, it will all be worth it."

Then, I hated highschool. I didn't make any friends and I couldn't afford any hobbies, so all I could do was doomscroll. But I told myself I'd have more freedom in university, and it will be worth tolerating.

Then, I hated university. The workload was unbearable and I was too anxious to do anything enjoyable. I told myself I'd have more time once I got a job, where I could leave all my work obligations at the end of my work day and have free time to do anything I wanted, and I'd have the money to support my hobbies while savings towards my goals.

Then I learn that my current job won't quite make enough money for me to afford a home, so I needed to take an extra course to get a promotion. I hate it, and now I still have to work full-time but with none of the free time to enjoy my hobbies like I told myself I'd have.

Is this just it? Will it "be all worth it" once (if) I finish that course? Because so far, it's never actually gotten better, it's just gotten more difficult with more and more I need to do just to enjoy life at all. And I'll tell myself "it gets better" until more and more problems pile on and I'll never actually have time to enjoy any of the things I wanted to. Life just feels like I'm endlessly deferring the actual "living" part for more mindless slog because society told me it would get me the success and happiness I need just for life to be bearable. Now I'm just tired and anxious all the time, with none of my goals in reach.

Really feeling this lately...