captivebutterfly
Member
- Aug 9, 2023
- 21
I honeslty don't have a lot going for me. I'm morbidly obese, ugly, I have agoraphobia so I'm housebound 90% of the time. About to be evicted from my family home and might have to file for homelessness. I can't work due to my ADHD and ASD and struggle to complete basic tasks like taking care of myself. I'm often perceived as weird due to my ASD or Tourettes. I'm not living the life of a regular 26 year old and I despise that fact. I've realised over the years that life just isn't for me.
I am blessed enough to know what it is like to have the world's most amazing and supportive friends, decent parents (not abusive or anything, just absent), and siblings that I love and feel protective over (I'm the eldest). I get glimmers of what life could be like if I weren't trapped in this body and brain that is always out to kill me. Despite not being in a relationship, I really believe in love and am a hopeless romantic. I love to read books all day long and to write my own stories too. I can recognise there are so many beautiful and creative hobbies out there that I'd loved to have tried someday, painting, crocheting, etc. I think about all the books there are to read in the future, all the amazing films and TV shows that will be released. I think of my beloved cats who I love more than anyone in the world and all the cats I'm destined to pspspsps at if I were to have a future.
The promise of better things in the future kept me going for so long but it's no longer enough. I see a lot of people on here say they just view life and our world as a bad place in general and I guess that's where I disagree. Sure there are a lot of awful things too, but there are so many little moments and slices of life that used to make me feel it was all worth it. The thing is, I think if I was a different person - someone without ASD/ADHD and mental illnesses - I thiink I'd really enjoy living.
The world isn't the problem, I am.
I am blessed enough to know what it is like to have the world's most amazing and supportive friends, decent parents (not abusive or anything, just absent), and siblings that I love and feel protective over (I'm the eldest). I get glimmers of what life could be like if I weren't trapped in this body and brain that is always out to kill me. Despite not being in a relationship, I really believe in love and am a hopeless romantic. I love to read books all day long and to write my own stories too. I can recognise there are so many beautiful and creative hobbies out there that I'd loved to have tried someday, painting, crocheting, etc. I think about all the books there are to read in the future, all the amazing films and TV shows that will be released. I think of my beloved cats who I love more than anyone in the world and all the cats I'm destined to pspspsps at if I were to have a future.
The promise of better things in the future kept me going for so long but it's no longer enough. I see a lot of people on here say they just view life and our world as a bad place in general and I guess that's where I disagree. Sure there are a lot of awful things too, but there are so many little moments and slices of life that used to make me feel it was all worth it. The thing is, I think if I was a different person - someone without ASD/ADHD and mental illnesses - I thiink I'd really enjoy living.
The world isn't the problem, I am.
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