life is shit in every way

[AintNoWayOut]

everything about it is shit. both physically and mentally. i am always in physical discomfort... for six years straight my neck has been in constant pain. my neck, upper back and traps are always stiff... i feel like i have literal weight on my shoulders that never comes off. and after countless trips to doctors i've found no solution. this pain causes lots of anxiety and makes functioning an extreme challenge, but so long as im breathing, i have no choice but to "contribute" through working a job and putting up with the bs of the world on top of my body torturing me 24/7. i just want to fly out of my body, i fucking hate how uncomfortable i feel damn near all of the time in this stupid broken thing. and since im only 22 and have been dealing with this since 16, i've missed out on countless life experiences and opportunities which i'll never get back. so mentally, im destroyed. even in a moment where the pain isnt at its worst, im unable to enjoy or appreciate the moment because im so consumed by the fact that i've had so many years taken from me. i didnt get to drive around with friends after high school, listening to music and vibing, going to the mall, talking to girls, going to parties... maybe these things wouldnt have happened or been so great anyways, but i have to attribute most of it to my chronic pain which drives me to the point of near insanity. im consumed by these thoughts of how my PAST could have been, which couples with my pain to make me miserable in the PRESENT... so where the fuck is my FUTURE?? i just feel a giant void in the middle of my soul... im broken. i cant be repaired. its already 2021 somehow and im still in this mess... my old friends have all moved on and im still stuck in this same place. i tried texting one the other day and he replied to me once and hasnt hit me back since. i wish i could drop dead rn and be spared all the inevitable extra anguish.

sorry for the rant, let me make my point. why does life have to be great for some and so shit for others?? even when playing on a similar playing field... im not comparing a millionaire to someone in poverty here. the guy nextdoor to me, living in the same neighborhood, doesnt have to suffer all because a few factors in his life are different. all it takes is one mistake or incident to fuck EVERYTHING up... the line between suffering and living is SO thin. why does life allow suffering like this to take place? people say its a part of life, but... for me, its basically all there is. why even bother to keep going when theres no relief or payoff? there cant be a god with the world being this cruel and unfair.

 

[Superdeterminist]

Totally. It's scary and depressing how easy it is to 'ruin' one's life, and how some people live joyous lives while others live lives of misery. I get that feeling of wasted opportunity as well, because we don't get any younger, and it's crushing to think about what could've or should've been, and the feeling that one was meant for more.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

Totally. It's scary and depressing how easy it is to 'ruin' one's life, and how some people live joyous lives while others live lives of misery. I get that feeling of wasted opportunity as well, because we don't get any younger, and it's crushing to think about what could've or should've been, and the feeling that one was meant for more.

yeah, i dont wanna get into details but it only took me doing one thing, without even realizing it much of the time, to permanently ruin my body. think of that... i was 15 then, and because of one thing i did, i have to suffer the rest of my life for it. i wasnt given a second chance or anything, by the time i realized what had happened most of the damage was already done. it was probably already too late to undo it even if i took action sooner. just to give you a hint, for a couple months i wasnt "using" or "holding" my body the proper way, and now my body's wrecked for life. you'd think there'd be a way out... NOPE! this is my life now. i never would've thought this is how it was going to turn out. all from one mistake. life is sadistic.

the fact that its 2021 freaks me the hell out. that means i graduated from high school nearly five years ago when it feels like way less, and every year since has gone to waste. instead of enjoying my youth like i should have been, i was isolating myself from the world thanks to my body being a wreck. every day i reflect on how those years could've been and it makes me sick... at times i was able to get a glimpse of that life, if i had a decent pain day, but those were few and far between. and now my friends have all moved on and have experienced so much of life while i was left behind and am stuck fixating on how those years should've gone. i cant even reunite with them because we wont be able to relate on anything... i'd just come off as a failure and a weirdo to them. they'd probably talk to each other like "wtf happened to him? whys he been wasting his life??" thinking im just a freak without knowing the extent of what i've been going through. i fucking hate the concept of time but im so obsessed with it too. if i continue to go on, im only going to get older and the past is going to become more and more distant.

all i ask for is to feel normal. i hate feeling like shit ALL the time physically and mentally, just let me feel NORMAL so i can connect with people. give me ONE good day. its so exhausting.

 

[Wrennie]

everything about it is shit. both physically and mentally. i am always in physical discomfort... for six years straight my neck has been in constant pain. my neck, upper back and traps are always stiff... i feel like i have literal weight on my shoulders that never comes off. and after countless trips to doctors i've found no solution. this pain causes lots of anxiety and makes functioning an extreme challenge, but so long as im breathing, i have no choice but to "contribute" through working a job and putting up with the bs of the world on top of my body torturing me 24/7. i just want to fly out of my body, i fucking hate how uncomfortable i feel damn near all of the time in this stupid broken thing. and since im only 22 and have been dealing with this since 16, i've missed out on countless life experiences and opportunities which i'll never get back. so mentally, im destroyed. even in a moment where the pain isnt at its worst, im unable to enjoy or appreciate the moment because im so consumed by the fact that i've had so many years taken from me. i didnt get to drive around with friends after high school, listening to music and vibing, going to the mall, talking to girls, going to parties... maybe these things wouldnt have happened or been so great anyways, but i have to attribute most of it to my chronic pain which drives me to the point of near insanity. im consumed by these thoughts of how my PAST could have been, which couples with my pain to make me miserable in the PRESENT... so where the fuck is my FUTURE?? i just feel a giant void in the middle of my soul... im broken. i cant be repaired. its already 2021 somehow and im still in this mess... my old friends have all moved on and im still stuck in this same place. i tried texting one the other day and he replied to me once and hasnt hit me back since. i wish i could drop dead rn and be spared all the inevitable extra anguish.

sorry for the rant, let me make my point. why does life have to be great for some and so shit for others?? even when playing on a similar playing field... im not comparing a millionaire to someone in poverty here. the guy nextdoor to me, living in the same neighborhood, doesnt have to suffer all because a few factors in his life are different. all it takes is one mistake or incident to fuck EVERYTHING up... the line between suffering and living is SO thin. why does life allow suffering like this to take place? people say its a part of life, but... for me, its basically all there is. why even bother to keep going when theres no relief or payoff? there cant be a god with the world being this cruel and unfair.

Having your body physically betray you in your youth is one of the cruelest, most inhumane fates that life can bestow upon a person. I am in your position as well.

I'm so sorry that you're being forced to endure so much suffering at such a young age. If only we lived in a just world... but if that were the case then few of us would even be on here in the first place.
:(

 

[death137]

I relate with you so I understand what you are feeling. I'm sorry. I don't know what advice to give to you but I wish you the best.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

Having your body physically betray you in your youth is one of the cruelest, most inhumane fates that life can bestow upon a person. I am in your position as well.

I'm so sorry that you're being forced to endure so much suffering at such a young age. If only we lived in a just world... but if that were the case then few of us would even be on here in the first place.
:(

it really is the worst. its one thing to be old and in pain after you've enjoyed your youth and your body has worn down over the course of decades... but to be dealing with that from 16??? its pure inescapable hell and one of the most dehumanizing things ever. i wish you luck with what you're going through, we really do have a fucked up outlook given what we've dealt with that no one else will understand.